Partner wont talk to me - just found out ex husband probably gay. Feel like a disaster.

Hi, just seen your post, and sorry to read that you are going through this.

Would he be open to the idea of counselling? Hopefully someone else can offer more advice.

Two issues here

1. Partner - he needs to see a doctor asap, is he willing to go?
What did he do that was awkward?
How did you cover for him?

2. Ex-husband- why do you care he blames you for the marriage breakdown?
From your limited description, he was an abuser and why would he admit blame?
Why are you still emotionally involved?

I agree you need to talk to a professional and take care of yourself first

I wonder whether your partner might talk to someone on line. I have worked with the military and can recommend:
www.talking2minds.co.uk/ a charity which specializes in helping men cope with trauma.
www.rethink.org/aboutus/what-we-do/mental-health-breathing-space/ is also very effective in helping both men and women cope with a broad range of issues including money problems, for example. Research has established that men find it less daunting to seek help anonymously...at least initially. It might be worth while for you to contact Breathing Space for your self... Good luck. PM me if you would like to.

Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in. Your partner sounds as if he may be suffering with depression or, depending on age, possibly something else that is worrying him. He needs to go to see his GP. There are often reasons that are nothing to do with those around us that make us depressed i.e. something someone else said etc. If what he did was wrong legally then I would try to do some more research about it. If it was a social bloomer then people can do and say things when in a dark corner they would not say if socially comfortable. Forget your ex husband and don't pattern match. It is so easily done. I wish you well and hope you and your current partner find peace and future joy.

Thank you for such kind replies.
@VB000 thank you for replying. I know it was a bit of a jumble. Just gets too much sometimes.
@LRavenscroft You're right about pattern matching..I just get so tired with it all😞 I don't know how to think.
@Hithere. It was a social bloomer, nothing legal. He leads a team and dropped them all in it at a crucial meeting (county level) and although grown men, they had to lead the meeting, no notice, no apology. He isn't himself, they would have realised this and are such a nice bunch of people, but it's. It their job to be kind and I was so worried they would walk away.
He won't go to the G.P. but has found someone to talk to, which is great news. I'm hoping he may start to look after himself a bit better as he starts to feel more positive.
I know it's not kind and no one should judge but it's natural to do so. If someone is grubby, unwashed, unshaven, wearing ripped clothes, no hair cut etc etc I think people do judge you. I think he loses business because of it actually. If you're not looking after yourself, I think people don't want to give you business incase you don't look after their things / business too.
@seadragon. Thank you. Exactly what I though and I did suggest some online/anonymous support But he brushed it away. He may have accessed it though or may go back to it at a later date.

He is still a little paranoid, thinks others aren't nice etc which may be true but doesn't see the allowances everyone makes for him and actually I think is acting like a spoilt teen sometimes. It's difficult as although I'm sure the depression clouds things horribly for him, this persecution complex he seems to have actually makes him seem like quite a mean person quite often.
I've mentioned how kind everyone was to help out so seamlessly the other week and have dropped in how much he must mean to them etc etc but it's met with a barrage of how they all take over and want to do it themselves 😳 none of them want to take over. They were carrying him to support him. I'm glad none of them are aware of his misguided beliefs. They would all be very upset.
As for the ex husband stuff, that's not really important. The man is horrible and I will try to ignore what he does.