How do I encourage my partner to talk to me?
I've felt really off about the relationship for about 18 months...our communication has got worse and worse, to the point that if I'm hardly talking to him...he doesn't even seem to notice and will never, ever be the one to start a conversation or tackle anything in our relationship. I don't mean that I purposely don't talk to him, I mean that I've noticed that I have become more and more withdrawn from the relationship...and don't trust or want him to be as involved with me as before. I tried to talk to him, asked him his thoughts....just nothing. I did notice that every chat, he changes it round to say , I'm having a go, or that he is useless. I have thought really hard about how I approach him and have used phrases such as ' things don't feel the same' or i even say sometimes, 'have I got something wrong' or how could we make this more fun - things that direct from his own misery and don't sound like I'm blaming.
He recently did something fairly awful, upsetting quite a few people that do something for him in a voluntary capacity - I spoke to them as he didn't (I wouldn't normally go behind anyone's back but this was just awful and dropped a lot of people in a very awkward situation..... ) I covered for him, damage control if you will, but he wont acknowledge anything. He wont go to the doctors, won't tell me what's wrong etc. He looks depressed, isn't looking after self etc etc. Everything points to him not really wanting to be in the relationship but if this is suggested he gets upset saying he loves me etc etc. and doesn't know what he would do without me.
Unfortunately this is triggering me and making me quite ill (not his fault at all) My ex husband of 20 years and I divorced after an awful latter part of the marriage where he was abusive, manipulative etc. He is now working his way around dating sites including gay ones looking for threesomes ( I know this because of a gay friend who unfortunately matched with him on a dating site who then showed me) My ex husband never discussed this side to him, just used to bully me sexually and mock me. I appreciate it's not his fault about sexuality but to find this out after years or marriage has upset me greatly as he still openly blames me for the marriage breakdown.
The current situations are really worrying me, making me think I'm a disaster. I am a fairly quiet person but communicate fairly freely. Maybe being a woman its easier for me than for a man to do this but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
How do I speak to my current partner please?
Disco at a function spoiling the evening- AIBU?