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The shame of being attacked by own child

(22 Posts)
Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 17:58:53

I wonder howmany parents suffer in silence,due to the shame and feeling of guilt and feeling like a failure.

Hithere Thu 02-Mar-23 18:00:47

Violence is triggered- the reasons need to be examined

Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 18:10:17

Did you read the whole article?

Yes it can be triggered by restricting the use of a computer and unsuitable games, or use of alcohol or restricting outings, etc.

Galaxy Thu 02-Mar-23 18:12:09

Our local authority has just recently set up support services for families impacted by this issue.

TerriBull Thu 02-Mar-23 18:22:57

On a slightly different note, there was an appalling video from a US school recently, of a teacher being knocked to the ground and repeatedly kicked by some enormous youth having an out of control tantrum because she'd confiscated some piece of electronic something or other. He could have killed her, horrific shock

JaneJudge Thu 02-Mar-23 18:23:06

I imagine it is far more common than reported, especially where an element of SEN/SN is involved but support services do not care. SS couldn't give a flying f*ck that one of mine was attacking their siblings whilst under children's services (because of SN) but adult services took it very seriously and we have received really good and appropriate support. I wonder why there is a discrepancy in support between child and adult?

Such a shame a 16yo has had to move out of her home and there was no support offered to try and resolve the issues and create less challenging situations and outcomes.

Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 18:42:07

A bit like men who are beatend by their wives- and feel so ashamed about this. First poster reply illustrated this very well. If a child turn violent and threatens parent, verbally or physically- it is of course the parent's fault for bad parenting, and 'triggering'. Same for women who are beaten by partner, and are made to believe 'it is their fault and they triggered it'.

crazyH Thu 02-Mar-23 18:44:05

Yes Terribull I saw that - vicious bully 😡

Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 19:11:21

Thank goodness our just got a bit 'lippy' as teenagers and soon grew out of that. But a friend went through real violence from her daughter, and she had bruises and cuts she always excused as being clumsy. I can't imagine what she went through. I also know of one young mum currently who is also suffering physical and emotional attacks from teenage son addicted to computer games which are violent and way above his age.

These parents suffer in silence, because of the shame, the fact the child is always believed by SS, and because they love their children. Just like others in the past have protected children who have committed crimes.

paddyann54 Thu 02-Mar-23 19:25:35

Its not new ,when I was a wee girl my mother had a friend who was being hit/kicked by her teenage son .Iremember seeing her crying in our kitchen but it wasn't until I was a teenager mum told me Joe was beating up his mum,he towered head and shoulders over her so she had no way of defending herself .
She wouldn't seek help in case they sent him to home.Her husband apparently didn't believe her as he worked away a lot and didn't see it happen.Joe did end up in a young offenders institution and he became a church minister later in his life .

Forsythia Thu 02-Mar-23 19:36:12


Yes Terribull I saw that - vicious bully 😡

So did I. A complete thug. Even then, some woman was making excuses for the little *

grannydarkhair Thu 02-Mar-23 20:23:51

I also saw the horrifying video of the brutal attack on the teacher. What amazed me was how gentle the people (other teachers?) were when they were trying to get him away from her. It took four of them eventually if I recall, two of them adult men. I do hope that youth is charged with assault and not just let off scot-free. One hopes the teacher recovers well from any injuries she sustained.

Iam64 Thu 02-Mar-23 20:23:55


Violence is triggered- the reasons need to be examined

I don’t expect you’d make the same comment about a parent who physically attacked a teenage child would you HiThere.
Violence is never acceptable whether it’s from or towards another human (or an animal )

Hithere Thu 02-Mar-23 20:50:00

Where did I justify violence?

Fleurpepper Thu 02-Mar-23 20:56:02

You are saying that the parent has probably triggered the violence, and that the parent is therfore responsible.

Addiction can trigger. Substance abuse can trigger. Violent computer games can trigger, and so much more.

JaneJudge Thu 02-Mar-23 20:58:49

The girl is a child though, there should have been support in place to deescalate the behaviours
It really isn’t an is v or situation

JaneJudge Thu 02-Mar-23 21:01:24

De escalate the situation
This is current language used btw smile

It’s a shame most families operate without much outside support from extended families these days. It would’ve interesting to see how well people with extended close/nearby families faired with complex situations

Iam64 Thu 02-Mar-23 21:04:24

My experience is with difficulty JaneJudge, despite stable supportive extended families

Hithere Thu 02-Mar-23 21:05:28

Please use another poster and play the twist word game.

Galaxy Thu 02-Mar-23 21:20:42

In my experience FP social care are aware of the complexities of this issue, as I said my local authority has developed support/counselling/training which looks at making this situation better for the whole family. It is very complex especially if children have additional needs.

MerylStreep Thu 02-Mar-23 21:49:15

This child has mental health problems. He was in a special unit at the school and lives in a unit without his parents.
It’s obvious that procedures weren’t in place to protect teachers.

Smileless2012 Sat 04-Mar-23 16:57:54

I imagine the actual number of parents who suffer in silence is quite shocking Fleur. As has been said, the shame and/or a parents overriding need to protect their child will be a deterrent and I wouldn't be surprised if there's also fear of how the AC will react when they find out it's been reported.