Struggling with husbands disability

Our village has volunteers who will sit with housebound people or take them out if that is feasible.

If you have to pay for Carers yourself, try to find a private company as you will have more control over when they come and what they do.

If you pay privately for council provided ones,they can be haphazard and the council charge a premium for administration.

He's probably very afraid of how he's deteriorating. Do you think he would talk to someone like his GP who could prescribe 6 sessions of counselling.. I would not try to encourage him to do the excercises, let him have control of his life as he possibly feels he is losing it. I think the person who needs the most support at this time is you.. How can you make your life more pleasant and less stressful? Do you feel able to leave DH alone? if so, can you treat yourself ie coffee with friends, beauty treatments,nice walks etc. If you can't leave him do you have friends who will take him out or sit with him?.. Also contact Age Concern and see if they can help you.. I hope you manage to find a way through this..

Notjustaprettyface

Hi there
What could carers do exactly ?
We have had some in the past and we weren’t impressed

The carers my late partner had when he were terminally ill and bed bound weren’t of any particular help at all . They’d pop around for 10 minutes or so three times daily , by the time they gave him a quick bed wash in mornings it were time to leave , and afternoons quick cup tea & sarnie were just about it , also some weren’t particularly friendly and always seemed in a hurry to leave . Not a good experience by any stretch of the imagination .
Also , after the first 8 weeks or so you have to pay , and they don’t come cheap .

Worth not work.

I think you need to contact Social Services and ask for a Carer's assessment. Or contact AgeUk or Carer's UK.

I assume you are getting all the benefits to which you are entitled.
AgeUk will help you to check or it can be done on line.

The lower level of Attendance Allowance is well work applying for. AgeUk or CAB can help you there too.

Hi there
What could carers do exactly ?
We have had some in the past and we weren’t impressed

I fully understand. Feel scared and worried about the future. Nothing terminal but definitely worrying and life affecting. My DH is awaiting tests for various problems, feel that I will become a carer when I have failing health myself.
Keeps me awake at night, AC have their own lives and I would not want to burden them in any way.
Cared for children, elderly parents, grandchildren and now feel this is the end result. I feel guilty to feel this way and look longingly at people that can live their lives and retirement as they please. At my age needing to take refresher driving lessons so that life can go on more or less as normal.
Perhaps feeling bit sorry for myself, but not what I really wanted at this stage.

His negativity probably stems from his frustration. Don’t be too harsh on him. I think you need to talk to your GP. I am divorced now, but I often wondered how I would have coped, having watched one of my friends deal with a sick husband. It drained her and he was someone who didn’t like strangers caring for him.
For all those caring selflessly for their partners

I am with you in this. My husband is terminally ill and I feel exhausted and jittery all the time. Contact GP and he will help you organise carers and get in the system. My husband is about to go into respite for the first time and I am going to have a rest. The Attendance Allowance will help to pay for some carers. You have to help yourself in this - it's a fight sometimes.

You cannot force him to do anything

Talk to his gp and share your concerns

Schedule carers now so you also take care of yourself

This is not a short term situation - don't let him ruin the rest of your life

Speak to your GP and make you tell him how this affecting you. With some help you may be able to cope much better.