Daughters in laws

In our family the in laws get on better with the other son because his wife is very go ahead, full of energy, they live in a big house with animals, kids and are always either travelling or carrying out all sorts of projects. Our side of the family are academics who don't care for anything that gets in the way of our own lives. We hate entertaining, don't like people staying with us and are useless at small talk. When the other in laws do come to visit, they stay in a hotel and only stay a few days because we are so boring and have very little to offer them in the way of entertainment.

It's not always easy as we are all brought together by our children and may not have anything else in common.
It was lovely to be welcomed last year by my American in laws even though my son in law died over 25 years ago. We had many great memories to share.

Yes, I am friends with them.

Sounds to me though, it is actually your DD, who keeps you apart from them?

Our DiL's family and us have more or less melded into one. They all live 200 miles away, but we stay with MiL when we visit.

There is an economic gap between us. My companion grandmother was widowed when her children were around 5. Her DH worked for British Rail, so she has a satisfactory pension income, but not large and she never worked, and has lived in the same house for 60 years. DH had a job that took him all over the world and, coming up for 80 still works, as and when. we have upgraded houses and have been able to help DS when times are tight. But she is the grandma round the corner and sees far more of DGC than we do.

In our case these differences haven't stopped us being good friends. We have holidayed together, and, except during COVID, always stay at her house overnight when we visit DS and family where they live.

I think you define what your problem yourself I feel very inadequate and compare myself frequently. If you feel like that you will find it difficult to be good friends with your DS's in-laws. Why do you feel inadequate? Just because the other side of the family have more money, so what. I would hate it if my lovely DDiL's mother was feeling - and presumable acting - like you. We have a good relationship because we like each other and see each other as equals - which we are - in our love and care for our grandchildren and affection for our own child and their spouse.

Bear also in mind, that the nicest of people, may actually not have much in common and not seek out each others company simply because they do not 'jell'.

The main thing is to chuck the inferiority complex.

My daughter's in-laws are very nice people, but we don't meet much . Maybe at the grandchildren's birthdays parties, and during the Christmas season when my daughter likes to invite all family members to a big lunch . The only other times I've seen them is if we go to watch the children's school sports or suchlike, and we might bump into them . We always chat and get along fine, but there is no idea that we'd meet more frequently. I'd guess that they are better off than us, but I don't waste any energy on comparing . They might give better gifts, but we give a lot of our time to the children so I think the balance is about right.

My son only has a brother-in-law who he gets on wonderfully with. I've met him a few times . Again, he's a nice man, but our paths only cross at birthdays and Christmas.

I'd say, stop comparing yourself to your in-laws, and just be happy if your daughter gets along well with them !

My son's in laws are our next door neighbours, so we can't avoid them! 😉

Our youngest DDs PIL are quite different to us . We don’t meet them separately but get on perfectly well if we meet at family occasions.
Eldest DD only has a FIL who moved abroad several years ago so we have only met a couple of times.
No point in comparing yourself , just be friendly when you do meet. There are more important things than having money.
Main thing is that you Daughter has a good relationship with them.

Personally no, I met them at the weddings then little contact, but all families are different, OHs family in-laws are frequently involved, family parties are enormous.

Never compare yourself to the inlaws, slippery slope to all sorts of issues. Money and status is meaningless really. You could always invite them to dinner.

I haven't met my future DILs parents yet, we are quite introverted people and they are very social and outgoing and have an already busy social life.

Sometimes you will have friendships with extended family and sometimes you may not but what matters to your daughter in laws is that they are loved and welcomed by you