Getting 'told off' by DH anyone else experienced this strange behaviour?

Judging by some posts, grumpiness is not entirely unknown on the distaff side

As is mine Calli….well, practically anyway.

I do think women are more adaptable, just my opinion but once DH also retired, he realised it was time to share more of the load. Of course he has some grumpy moments but I do too so it’s possibly quite even in our house. We definitely don’t agree about everything. 😂

My DH is practically perfect in every way 😁

It's a result of good training. Not just by me, I hasten to add.

Perhaps we should write them a job description when they retire.
And perhaps women don't need one because they can see what needs doing 🙂

Generalisation alert - I think that on the whole women have numerous roles and can switch between one and another more easily.

Not everyone does . . , some husbands are perfect. . . , I know. I'm scared to post on this thread, as it feels like open season.

I hope if he does write it that you will not "abide by it", but will hang it up in place of the toilet roll with appropriate instructions!

😂😂😂

I keep expect the misandry hunter to pop up at any moment!

I would try to change things from a completely different angle.

I am assuming your husband has recently retired, so sit him down and ask him what he intends to do now that he has retired.

You have both still many good years ahead of you, I trust, so don't let him detoriate into a nagging, dictatorial husband.

Ask him not to leave his glasses lying on the arms of chairs, or anywhere else where they easily can be overlooked and damaged.

If anyone still uses the two perfectly good bikes, it is ridiculous to take them to the scrapyard - tidy up in the shed and see if you can't get room both for the gardening tools and the bikes, or buy a bigger shed. If the bikes are not regularily used, sell them.

Unless you were being sarcastic when you asked him for a list of dos and don'ts, you have made a rod for your own back there! I hope if he does write it that you will not "abide by it", but will hang it up in place of the toilet roll with appropriate instructions!

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pandering to a man who is treating you like a child? If not, stand up for yourself now.

What do you want to do with your retirement? Tell your husband how you envisage this new phase of your life.

Doodledog

One Foot In The Grave was so popular because Victor Meldrew struck a chord with so many .

Mine's not too bad, but when he is I veer between ignoring it and taking GagaJo's response. I do think that some of them are a bit lost - for decades they've been in whatever role they had at work, then suddenly they aren't, and there is no job description. It's true for us as well though, which can be easy to forget.

Perhaps we should write them a job description when they retire.
And perhaps women don't need one because they can see what needs doing 🙂

A bit more polite is an Australian expression I've heard used
"Just pull your head in, will you".
Seems to work.

This thread has taken rather a strange turn.

Kalu

Nicegranny

My mother used to say that “men get miserable when they get older”.
I’m so glad I’m divorced and happily living on my own.

How many men did your mother know to make such a ridiculous statement?

What on earth was there to take exception to in this light-hearted statement?
Kalu did not criticise your mother unless you were interpreting her post in the “Biblical” sense.
It is /was ridiculous to make such a sweeping generalisation - many others could attest to the contrary
Come off it!

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Callistemon21

Poppyred

Nicegranny’s post is in answer to Kalu’s post about her mother. 😳

Which you have obviously misunderstood.

I was just pointing out the reason why nicegranny had made such a comment - didn’t say I agreed with it! THANK YOU

Curiousdan It’s about time you told him to f……. Off in the nicest way

Doodledog

I Am Not Saying That He Is Entitled To Be Nasty! .

I just don't think that people always realise that retirement is a big step (and I certainly don't think it is 'stupid' to recognise that). Leaving a role where you are a 'something' - whatever it is - and changing to being without portfolio can be difficult after many years. I am not saying it is a free pass to be nasty, but that it might explain the behaviour, although it doesn't excuse it.

We all work, not always for pay, we all have roles. I don't see my husband's role as any different to mine. We both work, mine allows his.

Thus my notion that retirement is a stupid red herring.

However, I'll drop stupid and change to unnecessary.

I Am Not Saying That He Is Entitled To Be Nasty! .

I just don't think that people always realise that retirement is a big step (and I certainly don't think it is 'stupid' to recognise that). Leaving a role where you are a 'something' - whatever it is - and changing to being without portfolio can be difficult after many years. I am not saying it is a free pass to be nasty, but that it might explain the behaviour, although it doesn't excuse it.

I don't believe my husband is entitled to be nasty. No matter if he ever retired fully. Retirement is a stupid red herring, we all work at something.

He may play golf or tennis, scream at his scores. He may go in one of his sheds, potter round. He may read, do computer, cook. Anything.

But not this man. I'd draw a line, say what I'd accept. End of.

Oh, I wasn't suggesting that the OP's husband's behaviour is acceptable, just that it's probably not unusual. Most of us are polite to one another in front of others, as a rule - it's embarrassing to witness squabbling between couples. As I said, if mine started bossing me about he'd be given short shrift.

I don't think losing your role entitles you to take it out on your wife though.

(As you say, it's true for many of us too, but do we take it out on husbands and family? Maybe some do: its easy to see problems in another not ourselves. I'm not referring at all to the O/P Curiousdan!!!! But some families unfortunately do have abusive family members so its actually a norm )

Surely in a good enough marriage this can be discussed openly - outlets found for that loss. The O/P's husband in only 67.

If there are other factors involved, like serious illness, different altogether - then most of us are ill prepared really unless its been with us earlier in life and part of what's normal- but this doesn't appear to be a factor in the O/P.

One Foot In The Grave was so popular because Victor Meldrew struck a chord with so many .

Mine's not too bad, but when he is I veer between ignoring it and taking GagaJo's response. I do think that some of them are a bit lost - for decades they've been in whatever role they had at work, then suddenly they aren't, and there is no job description. It's true for us as well though, which can be easy to forget.

Every now and then my husband can be a bit like OP's. When he is I just remind him that he's behaving very like his father used to toward his mother, this does the trick and he's back to being Mr Nice Guy again.

On the envelope of his Valentine Card this year I put 'To my own Victor Meldrew'...he didn't comment but smiled wryly!

My DH wasn't grumpy when he retired (well, no more than usual) but he was rather lost and needed to manage and be in charge.
I don't need managing 🙂 so I suggested he find some voluntary work to do then found he was never at home.

No need for that, 'Nicegranny*. I'm not sure what you were getting at, and why you singled out Kalu's response, so I wonder if you meant to come across as you did. Perhaps you could explain what you mean/

Re the grumpy husband - I know a few people who struggled at the beginning of retirement, as both partners have to adjust to not being in their work role. I did have to point out to mine that he is not in charge at home, and that I do not need to be supervised or refer decisions to him. Maybe yours is still adapting to the change of dynamics, OP?

Yes, best ignored Kalu
There’s nowt as queer as folk

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

I told him to write a list of things I can and can't do and I will try to abide by it!

I do hope you meant that sarcastically Curiousdan!

Get him to write out 500 times "I must leave my spectacles in a safe place, it's my own fault if they get broken".

That should keep him busy and quiet for a bit.