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Relationship with younger man

(20 Posts)
Cubscougar Wed 14-Jun-23 11:32:22

Hi everyone, I'm new on here and for the past 3 years I've been in a relationship with a man 14 years younger than me, I am 54. Does anyone have any advice and tips on how not to be insecure about my ageing body, I can't help comparing myself to young women, especially his exes sad
Thank you all x

annsixty Wed 14-Jun-23 11:39:01

If he isn’t the one doing the comparing you shouldn’t worry.

Theexwife Wed 14-Jun-23 12:19:59

He has compared you to other women and chosen to be with you.

You need to work on your attitude rather than your body, accept yourself for who you are and enjoy your relationship.

Baggs Wed 14-Jun-23 12:21:37

I agree with ann but I also think you have to accept that the sort of insecure feelings you're having go with the territory of older woman/younger man relationships. Not always, obviously, but I think studies have shown it's pretty common. Which is not surprising when you think about biology.

pascal30 Wed 14-Jun-23 13:03:05

three years is a reasonable amount of time.. and he sounds mature enough to appreciate you for who you truly are.. just trust that

Cubscougar Thu 15-Jun-23 07:22:51

Thank you all for your advice, you're such lovely ladies and it really helped to hear your views 😊 x

NotSpaghetti Thu 15-Jun-23 07:37:43

My mother had a good friend in your position with 15 years age difference. I remember as a child that she seemed pretty focused on her appearance with exercise classes, facials and manicures and new clothing/shoes etc to always look younger than she was. By the time I was an adult I think she probably had relaxed into the relationship more because she seemed less fixated on it (although she was by then noticeably older).

Her relationship was sound. Sometimes it just works.
She passed away in her 90s. Her husband is still alive.

Miturie1958 Thu 15-Jun-23 07:41:37

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silverlining48 Thu 15-Jun-23 08:53:38

A friend started a relationship at 40 with a man of 25. She has recently celebrated her 80 th birthday and they are still together.
It would not be an issue if this were reversed with an older man with a younger woman .

yggdrasil Thu 15-Jun-23 09:11:48

I have been in a relationship with a man 10 years younger than me for about 20 years. I had had a fall and nothing seems to make the pain better, I am very much feeling old now.
He is so good to me I feel guilty about my current shortcomings

Franbern Sat 17-Jun-23 09:13:42

I know it is the other way round - but my best friend was married to a man 22 years older. Her was a very loving husband and father. Their first child was born when she was 28 years old, the their last (No, 8) when she was 43 years old. No way could that have worked the other way round!!

However, none of the age differences discussed in this thread are really very much - still the same generation..

A current friend at the age of 70 years is commencing a relationship with a man forty years her junior - he is from a different country and cuture and we are concerned for her.

silverlining48 Sat 17-Jun-23 09:24:21

Think you are right to be concerned Franbern but little you can do other than advise caution.

maddyone Sat 17-Jun-23 09:50:48

Franbern I know you can do little about it, but a friend of a friend of mine got herself into this situation and all I can say was it didn’t end well. She lost pretty much everything she had.

Smileless2012 Sat 17-Jun-23 14:12:02

How awful maddy.

seadragon Sat 17-Jun-23 14:14:40

40 years ago when I was in my mid 30's, I fell for a young man in his very early 20's. He was a customer in the private club bar where I worked and we spent hours chatting when the club was quiet.... It wasn't until he kissed me when we were on our way to a club members' party - we were both a bit tipsy - that I realised he simply reminded me of DH who was going through a very bad patch at the time. I soon transferred my affections back where they belonged but the young man and I remain good friends; he taught DD to play the fiddle and DH and I are more in love than ever 40 years on. Having said that, the age difference would have made no difference had I not been already 'promised to another'. BTW my body's still pretty good....because it has been well loved, I think..

LRavenscroft Sat 17-Jun-23 14:32:08

I know of several successful relationships where the lady is a good deal older than the man i.e. 17 years and rising. The men seem to be cosy in a relationship with an older woman and we are now talking going into our 70s & 80s. We have one relationship where I live where there was at least a 20 year age difference and the husband became the wife's carer into her old age.

AmberSpyglass Sat 17-Jun-23 14:48:57

Why would he compare you unfavourably? Older bodies are beautiful and just as desirable - he clearly likes yours, so be proud and confident and feel good in your skin.

Esmay Sat 17-Jun-23 21:46:40

Cubscougar just carry what you've been doing , but never mention feeling insecure about your age difference .

Things must be okay if you've been together for three years .

Some men really prefer older women .

timetogo2016 Wed 12-Jul-23 13:48:05

Enjoy what you have with him,he chose to be with you and not anyone younger.

Mamasperspective Wed 12-Jul-23 20:57:43

Young women have flaws too - everyone has something they don’t like about themselves.

The most attractive things you can ‘wear’ are confidence and a smile!

He chose you, so spend more time making memories and less time worrying about insecurities.