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Acknowledging Ageing

(7 Posts)
NanaPlenty Sun 27-Aug-23 12:18:40

My husband is seven years older than me, he is 71. I’ve suddenly noticed how he is ageing (I’m sure it’s all pretty natural at 71 but has come as a bit of a surprise to me for some reason). I think the feelings I’m having are unreasonable for example he’s constantly falling asleep/sleeps in until really late in the morning. It’s changed the pattern of our days completely - when he’s getting up, I’m almost ready for lunch. If he’s doing a job he doesn’t start til the afternoon and when I’m making dinner he’s never ready for it despite me asking how much longer he needs at what he’s doing. He’s had lots of health checks recently, nothing untoward has cropped up. He does take an antidepressant which has made a huge difference to his outlook etc. he always did a manual job and I just think he’s worn out, Am I worrying unnecessarily, am I being unreasonable with my thoughts….do others feel they suddenly notice slowing down and changes of age in themselves or their partners?

Mazgg Sun 27-Aug-23 12:40:29

I have noticed this with a friend. He is 80 and I'm 81. Watching TV he falls asleep (so do I) but he goes immediately into a deep sleep whereas I only close my eyes for seconds. This is despite getting up late in the morning and having at least an hour's nap in the afternoon.
Everything he does is slow. I only meet up with him a couple of times a week for coffee or lunch but imagine that it would be frustrating in a partner.
71 is not old these days, could it be that your husband is bored now that he's not working and doesn't have any structure to his life?
I can only suggest that you delay your lunch slightly and tell him to get his own breakfast (perhaps just something light ) so he can catch up with your meal times so you can eat together.

Ilovecheese Sun 27-Aug-23 12:42:24

71 does seem a bit young but you could well be right about him being worn out after a manual career.
Depression makes people tired doesn't it. Maybe a change of anti depressants.
I think I would just serve dinner to suit myself and if his goes cold he can heat it up in the microwave.
That might make him more eager to get to the table.

basicallygrace12 Sun 27-Aug-23 12:44:34

Slightly different situation. My ex husband is 11 years older than me, he is 65. I have noticed him seeming to age far faster in recent months. He isn't in great health, prostate cancer diagnosed at 50 and managed since), but also seems exhausted , especially noticeable when he is driving. I think retirement will come as a relief next year.
Then a couple of weeks ago he was scratching his foot and suddenly blood was spurting everywhere, he was rushed to hospital. I think the change really happened when he got covid, he worked all through lockdown , as a funeral director, so not pleasant, but then caught it feb 2022, and was hospitalised. And although retirement for him will be welcome, his elderly mother requires more and more of his time and care, and gets upset when he plans a break away or to do something with our kids.
I think the age gap really highlights his aging to me as well, and I worry about being left alone as only parents, because although our kids are adults 1 has MH issues and 2 are autistic and require additional support.

pascal30 Sun 27-Aug-23 13:08:37

I don't think 71 is particularly old.. I would get him to have a full bloods checkup but if he is depressed the anti depressants will also slow him down.. I would let him rest as much as he needs and also encourage him to go for walks and perhaps find an interest or hobby... sounds like he needs time to re-adjust..I have low energy and just have to pace myself.. is he suffering from long covid as I am I wonder..

M0nica Sun 27-Aug-23 16:17:00

Is he overweight? Does he snore at night. He could have sleep apnea. This means he is waking slightly each time he snores.

DH had that. Once he had a diagnosis and CPAP machine to use at night. He slept well at night and not during the day.

NanaPlenty Sun 27-Aug-23 19:30:24

Thanks all of you for your comments, they are all gratefully received. He’s had full bloods and isn’t overweight. He does snore but not all the time. I will just keep an eye on things and see if anything stands out or changes, it has been a busy time for us and I do think maybe I need to be a bit tolerant or just get on and do my own thing a bit more.