Gransnet forums


Don’t know what to wish for ?

(9 Posts)
Notjustaprettyface Sat 02-Sep-23 07:32:06

It’s likely that my husband who is 82 years old will soon have to go into a care home
He has loads of mobility issues and is reluctant to do physio
His incontinence is getting worse with some episodes of emptying his bowels before reaching the toilet
We haven’t got the best of marriages and it would be a relief for me not to be his 24/7 carer
But I do worry about the financial implications and the loneliness as my 2 adult children are not very kind to me
I also don’t know how I would like visiting him in care home as I understand these places can be very depressing
Anybody been though similar situation?

Aveline Sat 02-Sep-23 07:49:48

These places are not necessarily depressing at all. You may find life much easier with him looked after and not having to worry about having to manage his physical condition day to day. A few good night's sleep might help you to feel better and more positive about things.

Notjustaprettyface Sat 02-Sep-23 08:02:34

Thanks Aveline for your encouraging words

Imarocker Sat 02-Sep-23 08:17:00

Please don’t feel you have to visit him everyday. Also, join a group so you have somewhere to go and talk to people - U3A , WI, a local history group, an exercise class. On the practical side, you need to contact Social Services now and start exploring if there is any financial support available.

HeavenLeigh Sat 02-Sep-23 08:17:56

I feel for you. Caring for a close family member is so so hard, unless you have done it you can’t imagine . I think you will find it much easier if he goes into a home, of course it’s natural to miss his presence it’s going to be very different. I’m sorry to hear your children are not good to you that’s very sad, but I wish you well when the time comes , you will have time to do what you would like to do in the day have much more time to go out and about if that’s what you choose, without worrying if your husband is ok,

kittylester Sat 02-Sep-23 08:27:24

I echo all the above posts.

I also suggest you contact AgeUk to have a chat about the costs, benefits and finances in general.

Notjustaprettyface Sat 02-Sep-23 08:30:02

Thank you to you three ladies for your advice
I do appreciate

Redhead56 Sat 02-Sep-23 08:40:49

I can only speak about when I was looking after my mum who was in recovery after being in hospital. I am from a large family but I was the nearest to her and was taken for granted by my siblings.
It was exhausting and stressful my mum had dementia the Social Services arranged a care package. But even then when she had carers I would get phone calls to attend through the night.
My mum eventually had to go into a care home as she couldn’t be left alone. A mile away from me it wasn’t an unpleasant place at all but she didn’t want to be there.
I visited most days some days were better than others (mums mood I mean). Dementia is difficult to cope with I felt guilty but relieved she was being looked after and the responsibility wasn’t mine anymore.

pascal30 Sat 02-Sep-23 08:43:38

I think you will definitely view life differently if he goes into a care home. It is very difficult and wearing looking after someone else so intimately.. You will probably find you enjoy visiting him in a home, and you have time to enjoy life as well. I fully agree with the suggestion to contact AGEUK, they are very knowledgeable and helpful.. good luck