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I am getting so annoyed

(11 Posts)
NanaTuesday Sun 17-Sep-23 18:00:21

With my DH 🙄 I know I am not an angel in anyway shape or form but he really upsets me to the point of tears . I don’t even know where to start , don’t get me wrong I’m not talking physical abuse or a womanising man here . To all intents and purposes he is great , loving and generous to everyone including me .
Today for instance , his birthday- off we went to walk the pooches on the beach ( we are currently on our hols) came back after a drive round as it was pouring the proverbial cats and dogs and had brunch . Alls fine until after he has been to have a lie down with the Sunday papers and the sun has come out , I am thinking shall we go out - he just rants at me “ you’re doing this , you were watching tv” yes because you went for a lie down 🙄so it goes on I end up ranting at him .
We are off home tomorrow & I just don’t want to be in his company anymore .
After this set to , “ he deigned ” to help pack our clothes solicitous and nice , the says I’ll take the pooches for a quick walk . Knowing full well I was ready to go out but off he goes . Some 50mims later he comes back and is oh I got talking ( story of his life - he’s find the only person on the ocean and engage with him - oh yes he’s done that as well) Yes , I did go to look for him - sat on a bench waiting for him to come back up the hill - then waited on the car and my dad phoned to wish him HB which is more than any of his 5 children or even his Mum have done but that’s another story (!)
Probably cutting my nose off to save me face as it were but he’s driven to the beach with his swim things that I put in the car he’s taken there dogs and I’m sitting in the car .
Am I sulking , maybe , I just feel tearful and resentful that he makes me feel like this .
And by that I mean it’s not the only time he strikes out with words making me eventually do the same .
Are we a lethal combination / it happens n all too often and I feel I am far too old to put up with his sarcasm

Scribbles Sun 17-Sep-23 18:37:00

Could this be simply "cabin fever"? If the two of you have been on holiday together, in each other's company 24/7 for two or three weeks, maybe it's time to get back to your normal, everyday lives with more outside contact and distractions.

Maybe OH's grumpy mood is exacerbated by the realisation that his mother and children have all apparently forgotten or ignored his birthday? (I know that would make me feel very wounded and rejected!) This might be made worse if he's also feeling gloomy about getting older and brooding about mortality.

You say you "don't want to be in his company any more". Perhaps he was feeling the same and that's why he went off for a long walk and fell into conversation with someone?

My husband and I were together for over 40 years and, on occasion, we were both capable of behaving like your OH. I think long familiarity sometimes leaves us feeling able to take out our everyday irritations on the person closest and dearest to us.

Of course, if this tetchy behaviour happens more frequently than it used to and is becoming more pronounced, then maybe there is something else going on but if it's just an occasional incident then perhaps you should grit your teeth, remind yourself of all his good points and put up with it.

BlueBelle Sun 17-Sep-23 19:22:43

He doesn’t sound as if he’s done anything very wrong sounds as if he can’t do right for doing wrong

Am I sulking , maybe , I just feel tearful and resentful that he makes me feel like this .

He doesn’t make you feel anything NanaTuesday you make yourself feel like it Perhaps you both need a break from each other have you got hobbies/ friends/ things to do without him it sounds as if he’s quite happy going for a walk with the dog or a lone swim and chatting to people along the way Are you a bit jealous or needy ?
This isnt meant to be critical just looking at possibilities
Shame no one remembered his birthday did you do anything nice for him you didn’t mention a cake/ card/ present /bottle ?

AGAA4 Sun 17-Sep-23 19:46:42

Very often these things pass. I do know couples who have admitted going through phases of not liking each other very much.
Try to do things apart for a while and see if things between you improve.
What you describe doesn't sound too serious.

Callistemon21 Sun 17-Sep-23 20:49:22


I can't work out what is wrong.

eazybee Sun 17-Sep-23 20:51:38

I can't see what the problem is; walking the dogs for 50 minutes and you have to wait for him.Why?

V3ra Sun 17-Sep-23 21:13:53

We had friends who were both quite fiery. She'd complain about him but then admit that, in her words, she "didn't always f*rt roses either."

I would have found it exhausting but deep down they got on.
When you're at home do you have your own interests and friends?
Would you be happier living by yourself?

NanaTuesday Sun 17-Sep-23 22:16:12

I think maybe you have hit it on the mail here as “ yes” this is a bit of How it is with us . But also like you say “ it’s exhausting “ my DH has a sarcastic comment for most things and I believe my attitude is now mirrors his in that I do the same . I try not to but when it’s happening consistently and constantly it gets you down . That’s whT the problem is for those who say “ don’t know what is wrong “
Sometimes it’s humiliating, embarrassing and downright rude when I. The company of others . I think he is a tad autistic in his behaviour not childish definitely not quite right as he cthinks there is nothing wrong .
I have a right to be upset & to say I am upset .
I need to work out if it’s worth throwing my marriage away for as when this happens & yes more £ more often thsts how I feel .
Yes , I have my own friends & hobbies also he still works p/t . We do our own thing & don’t have to do everything together .
I was on my own for many years before we met . Albeit dating often just not living with anyone . Think that’s what I like my own space .

Callistemon21 Sun 17-Sep-23 22:20:52

Try not to react defensively. His behaviour is his problem and only your problem if you make it so.

BlueBelle Sun 17-Sep-23 22:23:37

Well you didn’t mention anything about constant sarcasm in your original post !!!
Only you know if you want to stay or not nothing in your original post sounded particularly difficult or bad to me as an outsider

nadateturbe Sun 17-Sep-23 22:44:58

It sounds to me like you both like doing your own thing and having your own space. Maybe too much time together on holiday isn't a good idea.