What do you do

I don't know what advice to give you but couldn't read without saying something.
You should be proud to have brought up 5 children without help . Well done. Are they grown up now?

You sound as if you need a break and to change your life so you can be happy again.
A change of job. A change of routine. I don't know enough about your situation but there will be something that you can change. You can't be angry with your husband forever.

Dolphin you do not say how old your children are.
Perhaps you could join a mother and baby club and get to know other mothers.
I am assuming you are a stay at home mum with some of your children in school.
Most cities have some sort of clubs sometimes attached to council or church buildings.
Writing in a journal your daily feelings may help if you are feeling low, try to plan and organize your day and think of the positive things in your life.

for Dolphin