Husband has had some sort of epiphany

Your last statement I think, has a ring of truth. He's suddenly realised that you are about to go and he's making an attempt to keep you stuck. Leopards don't change their spots. If he can be affectionate now, he could have been affectionate when you asked him years ago. If it was me, I'd carry on making plans to leave. Don't respond to the lovey stuff. Others may counsel differently, but only you know how truthful he is veing

I would be checking the bank accounts and savings... make sure you have copies of all documents, lodge an interest on your property on the Land Register.
Don't change your own plans.. he is buttering you up for some, as yet, unknown reason and purpose of his own.
It is all too little, too late.

Is he doing any chores now?

Has his attitude changed, as well as his texts?

I hate to say this - but could he be having an affair?

He obviously has wind of what you are planning. I was married to someone fairly similar. When he realised I wanted to end the marriage, he did a 360deg turn. Helped with garden, housework etc. Then when it dawned on him I wasn't changing my mind. He went back to type.

A Leopard never changes their spots.

As Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

fancythat

Is he doing any chores now?

Has his attitude changed, as well as his texts?

Yes he is coming in from work and doing housework that doesn’t even need doing, it’s very uncomfortable as it’s 7 in the evening and I’m winding down. He is also wanting to have conversations about everyday stuff he never bothered about 😬

NotSpaghetti

I hate to say this - but could he be having an affair?

He only goes to work and home and he works with family so I really don’t think an affair, it would be easier if it was tbh 😬

Thanks for all your reply’s and so quickly !😊
I am also a big believer a leopard never changes his spots and my DC agree with me. He is also pressuring them to embrace the new him, he is their father so I’ve told them to do what they feel is best it’s their decision and I won’t be influencing them one way or the other.
I’ve had so many years of Stonewalling and now the complete opposite! My fragile mind just can’t deal with it

katselco

fancythat

Is he doing any chores now?

Has his attitude changed, as well as his texts?

Yes he is coming in from work and doing housework that doesn’t even need doing, it’s very uncomfortable as it’s 7 in the evening and I’m winding down. He is also wanting to have conversations about everyday stuff he never bothered about 😬

That does, on the surface at least, seem like a big change of heart.

Is it possible he’s having an affair? I have heard similar stories and they get overcome with guilt and somehow think they can put things right. Probably wrong but worth thinking about?

katselco

Thanks for all your reply’s and so quickly !😊
I am also a big believer a leopard never changes his spots and my DC agree with me. He is also pressuring them to embrace the new him, he is their father so I’ve told them to do what they feel is best it’s their decision and I won’t be influencing them one way or the other.
I’ve had so many years of Stonewalling and now the complete opposite! My fragile mind just can’t deal with it

I believe that people do sometimes see the error of their ways and can change their behaviour.Since you’ve been with him for so long then stay awhile longer, tell him you’re pleased with his new behaviour towards you and see if he keeps it up.
Sounds as if you both need to talk more and be open about things.

Yes. A conversation is needed - you need an opportunity to ask why.

It may be he has had a meaningful conversation with someone at/through work. Maybe he knows someone whose wife has died.. whatever it is it would be easier if you knew where it had come from..
It may be genuine.
Keeping it up will be hard though I'd expect.

I'm sorry it's been so tough for you all these years though.

Give him the list of all the jobs you would like doing and lets see his response.
So now he wants you after all the shit you had to put up with to just go along with his new ideas.
If you are still in love with him then make a go of it cautiously
however
don't get yourself in a situation I am in at nearly 80 after 55 years thinking I should have moved on years ago.
Best of luck

Dear Katselco
I too live in a similar situation and my husband has a business in which I played an integral part for 20 odd years but now I’m told it’s his business and all four of our kids work in it! No problem there except our eldest son and wife no longer speak to us but he continues to work for DH.

I asked why he accepts the situation and allows this son to continue with him and his stock answer is that he’s making money for the business. If I ask about any situation I am told that I’ve no idea what’s happening and in the nicest possible way to butt out!!

I feel totally undervalued and certainly feel that my opinion counts for nothing! In fact he would not be anywhere in his business if it were not for me putting in long hours of slog to get it off the ground.

In the evening he is similar to your hubby with no communication until he’s off to bed and then he wants some home comforts. He can’t understand why I’ve no desire for sex but hey ho, I’m living with a grumpy, lazy, set in his ways, old man!

Materially I want for nothing and thru it all I still love him even if he’s hard to put up with! I don’t think your DH is having an affair. He’s probably woken up to the fact that you’re unhappy with him and trying to change. Wish mine would but he gets snappy if I challenge him!

If he had really had an epiphany wouldn't he have come to you, admitted it, apologised for his behaviour over the years and asked to talk it through and work out a better way of living together.

I suspect he realises that you are about to go. Could one of your children accidentally said something that got him worried?

Could this personality change be a sign of something wrong? My dil has just told me that other grandad, who never speaks to her as he is shy,has been really friendly and chatty lately. He has just been diagnosed with early dementia.

NotSpaghetti

I hate to say this - but could he be having an affair?

Or has he been having an affair and the mistress dumped him?

Is he close to retirement and wondering how he will fill his days as he's let you do everything for so long?
It is possible he's heard a rumour that you're fed up and going to leave, and now he's worried about being on his own, but you need to consider your own feelings and put yourself first for a change!
If you decide to stay, then drastic changes have to be made, and I suggest checking any joint bank accounts in case he has moved money so you can't get it, and also putting your half into your own account!!
Please let us know how things go.