Daughters in law

I have a wonderful DIL - she loves my son and makes him very happy - what more does a mother want? We now have a beautiful grandson and she is very generous with him - we look after him two days per week. We regularly get together as a family and she even invites me on days out with her and our grandson. I do not take any of this for granted.

My MIL is a tough northern woman who has lived a difficult life with very little love shown her. I’ve always tried but I think she sees me as an over enthusiastic fusspot. Ah well you can’t win them all!!

My dad gave me the best piece of advice which has enabled me to have a non confrontational, loving relationship with all my in-laws; that is never argue with any of them. Whatever is said never let it get to you Let it all go over your head as anything else just isn’t worth it.

Although I don’t get on with my direct DILs, one is hostile, one guarded. I remarried so I have 3 step DILs they are lovely, my husband rewrote his will and showed it to all of us, so there is no uncertainty of inheritance. I get the house for life they get the other property, I have my own index linked pension so income will be fine.
Eldest daughter lives closeby, dads care would have eventually fallen on her, so she’s pleased that I will have the main responsibility there.

I get on great with my DIL - but, she is a complete drama llama, everything is a drama lol, so if I had to see her regularly, I'm not sure how that would pan out.

But, my son and family live in America (she's American), so although we message and chat frequently, visits are only approx once a year.

When she's over here, I bite my tongue a lot, and we get on wonderfully well. 😉

I had a good relationship with both my mill’s. Used to call my first one mom. My dil is a lovely girl, never had a cross word, but I don’t see her often, she is all her family. I don’t say anything as I used to see my darling gc quite often, it’s only natural she prefers her family and she and my son are very happy and good parents. Do think a lot of people have unrealistic ideas about how involved they expect to be in their children’s lives, know a lot are very close though and that’s wonderful.

My MiL was a nightmare and regarded me as not good enough. My DH did not really get on with her either but she used to come and stay for two weeks twice a year until she died aged 103.

My DiL and I have worked hard at our relationship at now get on quite well although I do wish she was a little kinder to my DS who does everything for her and the 2 children.

Quokka

My DiL is just so boring and negative . She chudders on and on about people I don’t know and how wrong they are. I grin and bear it, just about.

My DS isn’t married yet to his partner, but they’ve been together 12 years and I’ve 2 beautiful GD. But his partner sounds very much like your DIL. His partner is always negative and can always find even just 1 small thing to complain about. I’m the same I grin and bear it purely for my DS and DGD’s

My first mother in law was defintely a bitch of the highest level. e.g. when invited family to I think it was a near christmas meal , she provided chicken for every one else, but quite calmly said to my husband , " I have done you a steak as you dont like chicken much!!" Thought her wishes should come before all others, when we were offered a good job abroad said to him " I dont want you to be so far away. You could look for something else in England! but the worst thing that she did , that I was totally shocked about was , my husband had to work in London for a few weeks, driving home on friday back sunday night. He stayed with her and proceeded to have an affair with a woman at the place of work and my MIL invited her to dinner and so forth!! I would not have thought of doing such a thing, but in any case, I would never have dreamed or dared to suggest to my mother that she invite another man. or be any part of my deceiving my husband She would never have stood for it, and marriage meant something, and however hypocritical it seems I could not understand him taking her to his mothers!! I stayed with him for quite a while as we had a son and I felt we needed to make an effort, but eventually divorced him and my second husband was the most lovely person who I loved very much. His mother was quite different in style to me but we had in common the love of my husband and she was pleased that he was happy , so we got along well on that basis. My son has a very nice partner, they are not married (their choice) they have one little boy. We do not live very close to each other but make the effort to meet up quite often halfway for a day, besides meeting up at other times but of course the covid situation has been a problem for us all. She has her own way of doing things and I do not criticize. They live very close to her family, and she has taken a while to get to be relaxed and comfortable with me but we get along well and if ever I feel edgy or unhappy about something - so feel my grandson spends too much time on the computer and not enough reading, but I just have to remember the ex MIL and keep quiet , or find another way to encourage reading.

I had a truly lovely MIL and have 4 fantastic SIL (and one who passed, he was wonderful as well). Lucky in all of them!

My MIL was a nightmare. Selfish, mean, tight. I always tried to be nice and kind despite everything that I did was aimed at me, always making sure I treated in laws same as my parents. Everything came to a head when I tried to organise a golden wedding anniversary party for them. A gentleman who I had hoped would put me in touch with all their "friends" said " Listen my dear, nobody will come as nobody likes them". That said it all.
I would like to think I would a good mother-in-law to my daughters' partners, however I haven't had a chance as the ex and family dripped the poison and now my children have all cut me out of their lives. Their loss, my wonderful DH and I are living the life and anything left when we go is willed to charity. Karma.

I have three daughters in law who are all good women in their own right. One has been around since she and ss were 15/16 and is truly just another of my daughters. In fact she was around before my youngest was born! Our family joke is that she out ranks our youngest in seniority! Another is a a funny, charismatic girl who shares many of my interests and we love to
Grab a cuppa and fill each other in on the latest news and our opinions on such. My third is a genuine , sweet girl and while she and I have some pretty big differences in personal tastes with she is perfect for my youngest son. She balances him out beautifully and makes him so happy. I’m blessed that all three are wonderful mothers and bring a welcome joy to our family , and did so well before grands.

My own mil was a nightmare. A selfish negative toxic woman whom my husband and I cut off entirely eventually.

With one DIL there is mutual dislike, the younger DIL is guarded friendly and we do get asked to babysit occasionally. It doesn’t bother me one jot I have plenty else to occupy myself and I’m not really “into” young children these days.

I have a lovely daughter in law, she’s a wonderful mother to their two young children and has always been respectful, thoughtful and caring towards us, in fact she’s everything our own daughter isn’t!

We married aged 20, mother in law was a very quiet woman who suffered anxiety and depression, she never initiated conversation or opinion and interacted very little her children and grandchildren, we’d been married 25 years when she died yet I felt like I never really knew her or her me

MiL once bought me a microwave for Christmas 'so I can warm up his dinner when he works late'! there was a grand presentation and I was expected to look delighted! Sorry you've hit a nerve with this one!

I divorced the husband and kept the MIL and SIL. It was a good decision.

Got on well with my M I L but my husband did not get on well.with my mother

I get on very well with my daughter in law. I try to be the mother in law I wish I'd had

I am blessed with 2 amazing DIL’s, I adore them both, it’s just like having 2 more daughters ! Have also had 2 wonderful MIL’s as well …… it was just their sons I had problems with 🤣

My MIL lived on the other side of the world (Australia), so we didn’t meet often. She was quite a difficult woman, but made a great effort to be nice to me. I tried to be nice too her, too, but we didn’t really get on. My FIL, on the other hand, was adorable.

I like my DIL, but I’m not close to her. Again, she lives at a distance, though in this case only the other end of the country. She has her own mother close at hand, after all. I think she likes me, though, or at least doesn’t dislike me! She is a very good mother to my grandchildren.

I was very lucky as I always seems to get on well with boyfriends mothers and the lady who had a cafe where we had our breakfast butties from used to talk to me and tell me she had a handsome son who was looking for a nice girlfriend like me. I laughed until I actually saw him one day in the cafe and yes he was both tall and handsome, and best of all he saw me and was smitten. His mother persuaded me to have a date with him which I did and less than two years later she became my MIL. She adored me I was the daughter she had always wanted and I loved her dearly and when I presented her with a granddaughter well I was truly the golden girl. Sadly she became very ill suddenly with Leukaemia and died aged just 47. I only had 6 years with her but I was heartbroken and 59 years later I still miss her and talk about her all the time she was the perfect MIL. My daughter knows how much her grandma Kathy loved her and she visits her grave regularly. I am a MIL myself now have been for quite a few years and we are friendly but that’s all and I have tried honestly I have.

Big feet on a baby

She sounds a delight.

My MiL invited my invited his ex girlfriend round when I first started going out with her son, it didn't bode well for a good relationship between us! At our wedding no comment was made about my dress or the beautiful cake my mother made (although she and my SiL were caught coming out from inspecting it when we arrived at the reception. Her first response when seeing our son for the first time was to turn to me and say ' He's got big feet like you'! I was persuaded against my better judgement for my son to stay with her overnight when he was 3 (20 minutes away) When we arrived next morning she presented me with a letter from an emergency doctor she had called for him in the night, when I asked why she hadn't called us she said 'because he didn't ask for you.' She never looked after him or his sister again. I could go on. I gave up with her in the end, horrible woman. I thank God for the wonderful mother I have who is the total opposite of her.

I find my MiL challenging though now she is old and frail and I see her infrequently as I'm divorced from her son. I'm still in touch, which is more than can be said for her other DiL. They never got on. Sadly I don't think anyone would have been good enough for her DSs! She interfered with my childrearing so when my kids were small that was the most difficult time. I won her over eventually by giving her GC but at one time she tried to persuade my ex to 'find someone younger and slimmer' than me. In the end he traded me in for someone younger, but fatter than me!

When my DS married I told my future DiL that my MiL had taught me how not to be a MiL and I hoped she would benefit.! Thankfully she is lovely and we seem to get on well. Her parents are lovely too and I feel part of her family. She is certainly part of mine, such as it is, as I don't see much of the rest of them as we're just not close. I hope she feels the same. She once dropped in on me unplanned, while driving the 200 miles from where they lived at the time to her parents home. My DS wasn't with her and I asked what she'd have done if I wasn't at home and she said she'd have gone to a services somewhere. I was really pleased she had chosen to visit me as she needn't have done so with being on her own. Hopefully that means she feels similarly towards me. I know I'm very lucky.

I forgot to say that OH got on very well with my mum. They both came from extremely poor northern backgrounds but both managed to do well for themselves. OH through education and mum through marriage.

I always said I married my husband to get his mother as my mother-in-law. She was the kindest, most caring lady who would do anything for our family and never uttered a word of criticism. Our children adored her and we were all devastated when she died.