Good grief was this totally inappropriate?

I agree with the majority - this relationship is over!

What a dreadful situation Felicity. Whatever the reason may be for his behaviour you will never be able to look at him again and not hear those vile words. Ofcourse it’s inappropriate , a part of me would still want to see him and tell him in no uncertain terms how his phone call has upset you. Hopefully you can then move on.

It sounds as though you need to confide in a good friend who stays near you and has preferably met him in the past who could help if you felt threatened in any way in the future. By all means get someone to check he's not lying ill in his house or in hospital. If it was drink speaking - well, you certainly don't want to take that on again. Maybe someone else he knows could encourage him to get help, including perhaps going walking with a group. If he's in the early stages of dementia or has some other illness, hopefully he'll get support but you would have to think very carefully about staying in touch - it might not be wise and you could be drawn into some sort of care giving role with someone who could go on to say more distressing things or even start touching you inappropriately.
If he's fancied you for a while but simply didn't know how to articulate it, then poured it all out at once, I think it still sounds highly inappropriate. In that case ,I would be inclined not to stay in touch as he might not be happy with a platonic relationship and you probably wouldn't be comfortable in his company again. Not intending to be alarmist, but is there any chance he would engage in stalker - like activity? Maybe have a word you can use in a phone call to a nearby friend or neighbour if he turns up and harasses you, so they can check you're ok.
Whatever is behind it, looks like the friendship is probably over.

Stewpot100

Oh poor you - how awful! He has very much overstepped the line of your previous 'friendship,' and words cannot be unsaid. Please tell me that I'm not the only one here that thinks that this should be reported to the police?

Stewpot100: Please tell me that I'm not the only one here that thinks that this should be reported to the police?

And just how exactly would that conversation go?:
I’d like to report my friend. He called me at 9am and told me he wanted to BLEEP me up the BLEEP! Will you arrest him, please?
HEADLINE: LOCAL COPS ARREST MAN IN DIABETIC COMA FOR SEX CALL

Things said cannot be unsaid and certainly are difficult to forget. In view of your awful past experiences with a man who couldn't control his drinking, I would be moving swiftly on from this relationship. Sad - but he has ruined it .

I would say goodbye and untill never again. I understand you feel hurt, taken advantage of, yes maybe as if he raped you with words. This man is obviously not the person you thought he was. You will never again feel comfortable in his company, so yes, stop seeing him. So sorry for you OP 😢

OldEnough2noBetter, definitely.

No question……walk away!

You're not being prudish at all!

When he's sober, explain to him what he did and ask for an apology. If he refuses or ''can't remember'' then dump him fast.

A few creepy words can easily turn into something far more sinister.

Too many here jumping to the assumption he’s a raving alcoholic. This man may have been in the throes of a hypoglycaemic attack (blood sugar low due to diabetes), which untreated would have lead to coma and death. It may have been the result of a stroke. Perhaps a UTI.

At least check he’s still alive.

One incidence of shocking behaviour in a four-year friendship and he’s dropped without a chance of absolution? What a smashing friend you are.

This was 9am , with your past experience cut him off don't go down that road again you come first

Why didn't you put the phone down when eh began his rant? Saying no only encouraged him to try and persuade you into agreeing to whatever he had in mind, because some men think no is maybe, if to actually yes. Now, you are prepared. If he apologises warn him that he only gets one foul; another, ad he's out of your life for good and all. He will have to toe your line f he wants you to take him to and fetch him from places.

Could be a functioning alcoholic or narcissist. Run. Now.
I speak from experience.
Good luck.

Now this has happened once it will happen again. I agree with others cut your losses this friendship will never be the same again.

I wouldn’t give him the time of day. There’s a saying about the real person emerging in drink. Disrespecting you like that is totally unacceptable

icanhandthemback

^This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him ^

Well said. Lots of assumptions here especially when the man involved appears to have behaved well over the last few years.

I should have said that I may not see him if I felt I might be at risk but I would check to see that he was alright by phone.

This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him

Well said. Lots of assumptions here especially when the man involved appears to have behaved well over the last few years.

That’s very sad, something must have triggered him to speak to you like that. Alcohol perhaps but I would end the friendship unless he can apologise and explain his behaviour.

Even ignoring what was said (which of course cannot be done) - Do you want a friendship with someone who is raving drunk at 9 am??!

This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him (at least somewhere public with others around?) to at least mention this to him?-if this is the case he would definitely not remember and so wouldnt ring &apologise, as he'd not know to!-in normal circumstances that (what he said) could be the last thing on his mind!- he could be as horrified by this as you!- or even if in drink- if he normally does not drink then ONE could go straight to his head/system and caused this-especially if on medication of any kind- it doesnt mean he is a raging alchoholic just because previous partner was- you could at least give him chance to explain- and apologise- just dont be alone together.Also maybe all these years he has genuinely thought that what you both had was a genuine 'couple' relationship- but without sex,and that it was time to take the bull by the horns and move on a step to that? Im not saying what he did was apropriate not at all- im just saying there could have been that idea in his mind that all this time you've been 'courting' each other& you were waiting for him to make a next move, so to speak- perhaps he had a drink to give him courage to do so- & if hes not used to booze, well...at least let him explain.Then you can explain you had no idea he felt that way & only wanted friendship- & that you now have to move on..or if its medical then he may have no idea whats happened & as a 'friend' you need to let him know& maybe go to drs with him to explain to them what happened so they know what they may be looking for/dealing with.Only then can you know how to end or continue this 'friendship'- what kind of friend deserts you if you may be genuinely ill? That said- be on your guard and make sure he knows you are platonic only.But he may be totally horrified he has behaved like this! Help him at least to get it investigated.and yes you could have put phone down sooner as someone said,not chosen to listen on & on in first instance.so maybe part of you knows its not like him & he needs help.?

Drunk or dementia, I wouldn’t way to go down either road

cc

So sad for you Felicity53, the only possible excuse is that he's actually ill rather than drunk but that's unlikely to have happened so quickly.
Such a shame for you to lose your friendship but I don't think that there is any alternative.

Sorry but that isn't true. A slump in blood sugar happens very quickly and suddenly. With a UTI you might be fine one minute and stark raving bonkers the next. I have quite a bit of experience with both from elderly family members and it is always quite shocking how these things affect them.

Biff immediately!

Yuck, how horrible for you. I’d definitely block and bin him.

So sad for you Felicity53, the only possible excuse is that he's actually ill rather than drunk but that's unlikely to have happened so quickly.
Such a shame for you to lose your friendship but I don't think that there is any alternative.