Good grief was this totally inappropriate?

Dee1012

If he did apologise and you continued the friendship, would you feel totally comfortable with this person, or would there be something in the back of your mind waiting for another occurrence?
Likewise, knowing this is in his mind... could you remain happy and contented with his company?
Personally, I'd be thanking him for his past friendship but telling him in no uncertain terms not to contact me again.

Yeah, me too.
How can you get back your good relationship after that!

Felicity53, yes, you're on the right track. I had a similar experience and there's no possibility of getting back to that happy friendship, I'm afraid, once that line has been crossed.

I also wondered about possible early dementia. It seemed so completely out of character (and unwise) for him to even suggest a relationship.

Later, I thought that perhaps, secretly, he'd been thinking along those lines for quite some time - and waiting for the right moment to make an approach. I was just horrified, as he's married with a family living nearby.

Yes, I did get an apology, which I accepted, although it had to be understood that the friendship was over - permanently.

Thank you so much everyone. I’m so pleased I posted this because the universal response has been close the door on this friendship. Its good advice I needed to hear. I’m very grateful.

Felicity, it's an enormous red flag, I'm sorry to say.

What a shame your friendship has to finish became of this unpleasant call.

Isn’t 9 am a bit early to be drunk
though?

I am sorry.

Move on, that sort of inappropriate rant would make me feel uncomfortable. I would also lose respect for him.

No one’s doubting that Grammaretto not the same thing at all perhaps you didn’t read the post properly
I m with everyone else you can’t unhear what you ve heard
you ll never feel easy in his company again

I think there’s only one choice here - move on from him. You would never be able to un hear what he said on the phone, and being alone with him in the car or anywhere would, I’m sure, make you feel very uneasy. Whether it’s a possible sign of dementia, alcohol dependence or not, I think you’d be safer to move on.

I have a lovely platonic relationship with a man who was one of my late DH oldest friends.
He's never married but been a good friend to many.
He may be gay but not openly.
It's definitely possible to have platonic male friends.

I would have out the phone down, end if friendship drunk or not.

Picks or something similar was my first thought, as this was out of the blue. And I wondered how you knew he was intoxicated - this disease (like many) can make you sound drunk.

However, I do think you have to back off now, and I'm afraid that I agree with Calistemon.
Let's say it is dementia - it is hard enough for a loving long-term partner to cope with. Almost impossible for a friend. And you have already dealt with on extremely difficult relationship - I wouldn't take on another!

I'm not sure which is easier for you to deal with, but I would imagine the scenario that helps you get over this quickest. And mourn the friendship.

It's not clear if you have friends or aquaintance in common. If anyone asks, you could say that he was saying some odd things that made you feel uncomfortable. That is vague enough.

I would find another waliing companion - possibly a group. I hope you can get over this.

Speechless

Well in my view you cant forget what has been said... intoxicated or not... the truth is out and I would be really annoyed that he spoilt what I THOUGHT was a lovely, good friendship BUT in my understanding, having a lovely, good friendship with a man is virtually impossible, unless he is gay in which case the relationship is fantastic and 1 to be cherished.

Wenmore

Totally inappropriate regardless of cause.
Just for information - Inappropriate sexual behaviour can be an early sign of Frontotemporal dementia/Pick's disease. Maybe bear this in mind when considering the cause.

I was wondering about dementia.

I would steer clear, it was totally inappropriate and, if it is due to an illness, you do not want to end up as a carer for someone who is just a friend.

You will never be able to unhear what he said and you’ve stated you really never want to see him again so don’t!

You’ve dodged a bullet. Move on!

should have hung up on the first bad word not listened to it

No apology would enable me to trust or have any kind of relationship with a man after that phone call/
Block him, don’t feel bad or conflicted. Be thankful you’ve seen him

Hi Felicity ,
My advice is to say goodbye permanently .
Once a guy gets these sexy thoughts in his head you can't go back to the way things were .
And his drinking isn't great either .

I'm a similar age to you and the same thing has happened to me .
I really hate it .
The guy in question is married to one of my friends , who is seriously ill .
At first , I found him pleasant and friendly.
His wife said he doesn't usually like any of my friends !
I no longer trust him and avoid him like the plague .

Over the weekend , another guy has told a friend that he's lost my phone number and can she give it to him .
I really don't remember him and I've never given him my number .
Apparently , he's bought me a gift .
And that means what ?
His coming round to my house to give it to me ?
Or our meeting up for coffee leading to a date ?
I don't want to talk to him on the phone .

I'm sorry to say that men don't take rejection well and it always becomes unpleasant and embarrassing .

I have five gay male friends and I really enjoy their company .

I agree with Sparklefizz its just not worth the risk and you do deserve better.

If drunk he may not remember . But that drunk ...hmm ....you have already lived with an alcoholic. And you would never be able to forget what is buried in his mind so you know its not really "platonic" from his side. I think you HAVE to move on; I know I wouldnt hesitate!

9am and he was already drunk!! You deserve better than this. You know that saying “When someone shows you who they are, believe them. “

One of my husband's workers began behaving and speaking in an inappropriate manner - he was assessed with a brain cancer. Perhaps your chap has a medical condition? But, you really shouldn't be alone with him. End to relationship.

This is so very sad.
💐

I think you have to move on now.
As someone upthread said, if you need to, you could thank him for the previous happy times but say goodbye.

Then you need to keep away, block his number, not let him in your home.

Thinking of you.

I agree with Shelflife don't jump back into that particular frying pan Felicity
Just be careful, you obviously have concerns so maybe head should rule heart on this one.
It's a shame when you had such a good friendship previously.

Dee1012

If he did apologise and you continued the friendship, would you feel totally comfortable with this person, or would there be something in the back of your mind waiting for another occurrence?
Likewise, knowing this is in his mind... could you remain happy and contented with his company?
Personally, I'd be thanking him for his past friendship but telling him in no uncertain terms not to contact me again.

I agree totally with Dee1012.

It would always be in the back of your mind, no matter how well he behaved in the future.