Good grief was this totally inappropriate?

Why not start you own thread exhaustgranny this is a older thread

I had a friend. He was older, polite and so smart. And a great sense of humor. Silly me thought he genuinely wanted my friendship. Then came the text that I won't even begin to describe. I was in shock. I told him I could not believe her did that. He explained to me, very clearly, that men absolutely are not interested in have female 'friends'. I still find that hard to believe. And it hurt very badly to realize that I have no qualities, (other than three or four 🤭), that would make me a valued friend. That is so sad.

In your heart you must know what needs to happen. Cut all contact and block.

I agree with others about moving on regardless of cause. But I would also be concerned about a medical cause, especially as if this was totally out of character.
If you haven't seen him since, or if you have and he has acted like it never happened I would be suspicious of a medical cause, but not for you to sort out.
Most other medical causes have been mentioned but motor neurone disease can have a dementia like component (rare) which, if present, will manifest itself first as inhibition/confrontation/ personality changes, long before any limb deficit takes hold.

Be careful he doesn't start to stalk you. I was listening to Sheila Fogerty on LBC this pm. She has been stalked in the past and devoted an hour to it. One poor lady was being stalked by a neighbour. She was in her 70s.

Run

From what you have said this sounds very out of character but even if you get an apology you should avoid being on your own with him - keep in a group if he is around - and decide if you just want to block him.

Are you absolutely sure it was him? You read about phones being corrupted and fake calls being made. It sounds a bit odd to be making a booty call at 9am! I would check it actually was him before you cut off contact!

As others have said cut all contact, up to you whether you give him the reason why.
However I think you should expect it is highly likely you will hear from him again and it’s how you put a stop to this that’s the real problem.
Do you have a son or daughter that can support you over this?
Normally most situations are mostly one persons fault and a bit the other persons but in your situation you are totally blameless. You don’t need this nonsense in your life.
Alcohol is no excuse for bad behaviour

If he has been harbouring these thoughts about you and finally expressed them to you, I would be worried about what sort ofperson he really is.. they were not gentle, romantic longings..
in fact he made you feel defiled.. I would probably send him a letter saying that whilst you appreciated his company in the past, in the light of what has been revealedin this phone call, that you no longer wish to see him.. I don't think I would visit him..

You heard via neighbours he is fine, not from him along with a sincere apology.

There are many ways to tell someone the friendship is over, why visit him when he hasn’t been on touch with you?

Personally, I would never want to be in his company again.

Keep away from him, the time has come to end your friendship and he could become a danger to you .
I notice there was no declaring of undying love and affection, just the graphic stuff. It's a red light, walk away, sad as it is, while you still can.

I am relieved to know it wasn't a medical matter - for myself I would have always felt guilty for not checking but you have.

I would suggest taking no active initiative at all, and definitely Don't go to his house. I would continue to maintain radio silence i.e. Ghost him. If he rings and you choose to answer, tell him that you will have no more to do with him, and stick to it.

As so many others have said, even if it was the drink talking, you don't need someone that drunk and that inappropriate in your life. I don't think alcohol makes people say things they don't mean, it just makes them less inhibited about vocalizing what they do mean.

Ugh. I'm sorry that he's damaged what had seemed to be a lovely friendship.

Wise to run!!!
Also, perhaps he wasn't drunk but on drugs.

My father in law suffered from dementia and his behaviour turned into something we would never have imagined. The filter disappears! Cursing, grabbing the nurses in appropriately and the onset happened so quickly 🤦‍♀️ Please DO NOT go to see him. Text him or call him but don’t be alone with him! Be safe, there’s no going back from what you’ve heard 😳

Run away! Always listen to your inner self. Run, don't walk, run away.

Drunk or not (no excuse), he didn’t consider your feelings when he said those things to you on the phone and, embarrassed or not, hasn’t been considerate enough to apologise to you since. As you’ve heard that he’s ok, leave it at that and definitely don’t visit him. He isn’t the friend you thought he was.

Over stepped the mark! Once said it can't be unsaid and you won't feel comfortable with him now. Silly man has just ruined a nice friendship due to drink. Sadly time to walk away.

A shame but that sounds like the end of it to me. It would be for me,anyway.

What a shame. So sorry for this. As we dont know or understand your relationship with him, the fact that you needed advice is telling me that you are not comfortable with his behaviour and it has changed how you feel about him. Its now going to be very awkward. Does he know where you live?

I think, Felicity53, that it would be safer for you if you didn’t go to his house to see him, but rather that you either wrote him a letter or sent a text (probably a letter) explaining how you feel and the reasons for your decision. My worry is that if you go to his home, you don’t know how he will react to your words, and you will be alone with him. Put your safety first, avoid being in his presence (unless you have someone with you). It’s sad that it has come to this, but I think you need to be careful.

Don’t go to his house to terminate the friendship PLEASE! Tell him by text or email. I behaved in a compassionate (I thought) way towards a man whose feelings for me I did not reciprocate. It resulted in the most horrendous ordeal for myself, the details of which I will not dwell on. Sufficient to say I have learned my lesson. I now put myself and my own well-being first in all relationships, apart from those with my family. I personally find it very hard to trust anyone these days, sad though it is to say.

One lesson in life I have learnt is not to make excuses for people and not to compromise regarding 'friendships'
You are worth more than that and the friendship will never be the same again.
I suspect he is feeling very embarrassed but that's his problem.
Time to cut and run .

RVK1CR

Felicity53

Ladies thank you, your contributions have been overwhelmingly and I’m so grateful for your support
I categorically know he was not suffering from a diabetic based incident or suffering any form of dementia. I have checked with his neighbours and he is fine. I am 99% certain he had been drinking heavily late into the night and this was the early morning result.
I will go and see him and tell him upon a lot of reflection I have decided I can no longer support him or be his friend.
So desperately sad
Thank you all again x

OP, please don't go and see him. Write a note if you must and block his number. Be careful opening your door too, make sure all doors are locked.

I agree. Now you know it wasn't due to medical problems, take care.

Just phone him and make sure he understands.
He might well be feeling ashamed now but be careful.

Felicity53

Ladies thank you, your contributions have been overwhelmingly and I’m so grateful for your support
I categorically know he was not suffering from a diabetic based incident or suffering any form of dementia. I have checked with his neighbours and he is fine. I am 99% certain he had been drinking heavily late into the night and this was the early morning result.
I will go and see him and tell him upon a lot of reflection I have decided I can no longer support him or be his friend.
So desperately sad
Thank you all again x

OP, please don't go and see him. Write a note if you must and block his number. Be careful opening your door too, make sure all doors are locked.