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Why is it

(13 Posts)
Nanderin Mon 20-Nov-23 14:58:13

Why is it always me that has to talk to my husband to resolve our latest fall out. We have been married a very long time. He's so unreasonable.

NotSpaghetti Mon 20-Nov-23 14:59:48

Are you falling out over the same thing?
Can it be resolved - or do you just reach a "truce"?

pascal30 Mon 20-Nov-23 15:29:44

would he just remain silent if you did? have you ever tested whether he would eventually say something?

PinkCosmos Mon 20-Nov-23 15:30:52

I don't mean to sound rude but, why don't you ask your DH the question?

AGAA4 Mon 20-Nov-23 16:11:32

It's always the better person who is the peacemaker so it's said but I think I would let him stew for a while.

Hithere Mon 20-Nov-23 16:31:14

May I ask why it bothers you now if it seems it has always been this way?

You don't need to answer, it is for you to think about the true root of the problem

Nana75 Mon 20-Nov-23 16:41:27

Your post resonated with me.I have the same issue! If I don't actively say something after a disagreement/row I have no idea how long the "off"atmosphere would last.We,also have been married a long time.Must be a trait in some men of a certain age!

Mollygo Mon 20-Nov-23 16:56:39

I used to feel it was my job, not with DH, but with brothers. In the end, I decided it wasn’t worth the effort I’ve left it up to them to get back to me.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 20-Nov-23 17:03:13

Women tend to be the peacemakers in my experience.

VioletSky Sat 25-Nov-23 12:27:40

It isn't

In a relationship it should be you and them versus the problem, not you and them versus each other

Theexwife Sat 25-Nov-23 12:32:11

Maybe he doesn’t want to resolve it or isn’t ready to or knows it won't be resolved until you are ready, Only he can answer the question.

Stansgran Sat 25-Nov-23 13:06:28

I always feel let the sun not go down on thy wrath so I try to make the peace .

Whethertomorrow Sat 25-Nov-23 14:41:38

Sometimes I think it can be part of a power play in the relationship, a bit of ‘she’s given up first therefore I’m stronger because I stood my ground’. My father was called ‘the boss’ by my soft and lovely mum and he would do this relentlessly when she didn’t do what he told her or not up to his unreasonable standards.

What would happen if you don’t give in and don’t resolve it? Would the world come to an end? Perhaps you jump in to fix it before he works it out and fixes it himself. Do you need to be patient and see what happens.

If you keep reacting the same way at the same speed of decision then you will keep getting the same result. Try changing your response, it might give him a jolt to change. Good luck and let us know how you get on.