Military partner

Norah

How long is her leave? A few weeks before until a few weeks after? Maybe she is just over thinking as she does have leave?

It's isn't the length of the maternity leave that's the concern,I think she's just worried about feeling lonely and overwhelmed.

How long is her leave? A few weeks before until a few weeks after? Maybe she is just over thinking as she does have leave?

Six hours travelling time? With a new baby either expected or just born and needing his/her mother? I don't think so.

Well that wouldn't be practical at all would it!

merlotgran

grandtanteJE65

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

You are kidding? 🤔

quite..

grandtanteJE65

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

You are kidding? 🤔

I wouldn’t want to do that with a young baby.

I must be missing something here. You say her partner is based three hours away, so what stops her living with him and driving or taking the train back and foward to work, if she can't get a job nearer to his RAF base?

I know a three hour drive each way isn't ideal, but it could be done, and a distance of three hours is hardly a long-distance relationship that has to be made to work.

They have looked into that but unfortunately that wouldn't work .

The services have schemes that cover both paternity leave, and a shared parental leave scheme that your daughter and her partner can take advantage of once she returns to work.

She will be fine. She has other pregnant people to lean on who will be going through similar things and in all honesty her baby will just want her for the first few months (or years) anyway. Even if he was at home he would be working 9-5 + travel, most babies are down early and toddlers go to bed at around 7pm so she's only missing out on a couple of hours help in the week and I bet he's home to help at the weekends. The first few months will be rough with cluster feeding and sleepless nights but it wouldn't be much less rough with a present partner... but maybe hed be able to give her a cuddle on the rough days or make a cup of tea. If she bottle feeds he can help at the weekends and give her a break, but she will have to be prepared for the baby to not be as bonded to dad.

Tell her that if they love each other they will be fine and to be kind to herself. There will be rough days in raising her child and there will be pressure on the relationship but tell her to ride the wave and remember the saying "this too shall pass." The situation won't be permanent and she is tougher than she thinks. She's got this.

Six weeks after I married my soldier husband, I faced the prospect of a year without him as he was sent to the Far East. We knew he was going but it didn’t stop us getting married. I knew we’d be together again eventually. You come to make the best of the separations. We had nineteen years of it on and off, before DH retired. Tell her not to listen to her friends - if they love each other, they’ll make it work. It’s what you do. At least with the RAF, they tend to have longer in post than the Army, which gives families more stability. As someone has said, three hours away is do-able, perhaps not every weekend, but he’ll get a good amount of leave.

Thank you

I think she is bound to be feeling a bit wobbly at the moment, she is pregnant.. but if she has a good salary she will be able to arrange child care and afford to visit her husband if she wishes..
her friends and colleagues are obviously not helping her at the moment.. maybe just tell them that..

You're wrong I'm afraid. She's a lawyer and is sure of her entitlement.

90% of salary is her entitlement for the first 39 weeks. She doesn’t seem to understand her rights.

Unfortunately that isn't the case, she won't get 90% of her salary for 39 weeks. She will only get statuary because that is lower than her salary.

But during her maternity leave, whilst she is entitled to 90%of her salary during the first 39 weeks, what’s the problem about where she lives during that time?

Unfortunately she won't be able to relocate, she earns more than her partner.

Germanshepherdsmum

You say she can’t move because she has to return to work after her maternity leave - nowadays you can take a year’s maternity leave although the level of maternity pay goes down after 39 weeks. Can she not be with or close to him for at least the 39 weeks?

Good idea, they could get a married quarter for the duration of her maternity leave and perhaps rent their own property out for a short-term let.

I was an RAF wife and had some good postings however short postings you were left behind but as someone said further up if you’re in married quarters you get lots of support a bit worse if you were living overseas when the short postings happened
Three hours isn’t very far away and he ll get leave to be with her nearer the time of the birth
I was all alone at the birth of all three of my babies and 8000 miles away from a mum or dad …..but I managed
Royal navy or merchant seaman had many more longer partings

Perhaps she could seek new employment, after her maternity leave, near to where her husband will be based?

You say she can’t move because she has to return to work after her maternity leave - nowadays you can take a year’s maternity leave although the level of maternity pay goes down after 39 weeks. Can she not be with or close to him for at least the 39 weeks?

DH was in the RN for many years and it did feel at times like being a single parent but I didn't go back to work straight away; not many young Mums did then and several of the neighbours had children the same age so we formed a group as well as joining in and helping with playgroup etc.

However, the worst times were at weekends when other Dads were home and friends were all in their family units.
Are you nearby? I didn't have parents near either but did have some family not far away and saw them regularly.

She is becoming quite upset as lots of her friends and work colleagues are asking how she is going to make the long distance relationship work. Does any one have any advice I can pass on to her.
They are being very unkind. Three hours away is no distance at all and he will have time off to come home, not like a 12 month tour of duty to Australasia.
Of course they can make it work!

She will have family support as she won't be moving onto camp. I think she's just feeling a bit down because two of her best friends are also pregnant and have husbands at home.