I don’t want to see my son anymore

Yes disappointing, but seriously are you really considering not seeing your son and family again because they are having a few days away?
Cutting off noses to spite faces springs to mind.

Knowing that you will never see your son or GC again is an awful thing to have to live with Notjustaprettyface as I know all too well, because our youngest son estranged us 11 years ago.

I do understand your disappointment, especially with him failing to turn up to your D's birthday celebrations at the last minute, and that you wont be seeing them over Christmas.

Easier said than done I know, but you need to lower your expectations or even have no expectations at all. When they're invited, keep in mind that there's every possibility that they may not come. It wont stop you being upset and disappointed, but might help you 'prepare' to be let down.

It might be an idea when you are asking them round to say something along the lines of 'it will be lovely to see you all, but I'll understand if you're unable to come' (even if you don't). If your son's failure to celebrate his sister's birthday was intended to punish you, making him aware in a subtle way that you're half expecting him not to turn up, may make him wonder if his punishment of you is as effective as his thinks.

The same tactic can be applied if you're thinking about making plans for the future, including next Christmas; 'it would be lovely to spend Christmas with you all, but I'll understand if you have other plans'.

Enjoy the time that you do get to spend with your son and GC by avoiding any topics of conversation where your opinion, which of course you're entitled to have, may not be welcome. That doesn't mean you should be afraid or worried to be yourself. If your son disagrees and in so doing tells you're being rude, don't worry about politely and firmly correcting him.

I hope you'll have peace and happiness this Christmas, and that being better prepared for your son's behaviour, will help to improve your relationship and how you feel about him.

Please take a breath, notjusta. It’s understandable you’re disappointed but best to keep conversations with your son non-blaming. Cutting yourself off from him would surely hurt more There are so many conflicting desires around Christmas time. The actual day is just a day. You have other family and your husband. Will you spend the day or a large part of it with him? Share in a Christmas lunch? Your son and his little family are making their own traditions. Ask when he will be able to visit his father by all means but not in a blaming way. Smile and wish them well, it will pay dividends in the long run.

My feeling too eazybee

I think he has changed since he met the person who is now his wife.
Sorry, but that says it all.

I am sorry to hear how sad you are, but your son is an adult and once our children grow up they go their own way, for good or ill and we have to accept it.

Your son and his wife will only be away for four days. yes, it includes Christmas day but we all have to accept that events and aspects of life important to us may not be important to him. You do not say your son is refusing to visit his father, just that he will be away 4 days over Christmas day itself.

I think it would be very sad for you to cut yourself off from your son. I think you need to step back and accept that, like it or not, your son is an adult, who has married someone he loves, even if you lke her less. They have chosen the life they want to live and you must let them get on with it.

So stand back, do not impose your opinions on your son when you know you will disagree, certainly do not let things get so heated you have a row. If your temper is tried, walk away, out of the room, just away, so that you are not tempted to argue with him.

You have a lovely grandchild. You do not want them growing up seeing you a source of dissension and not love.

I know it will not be easy, but it is better to walk away from an argument than to be estranged.

Adult children should spend time with parents because they want to not out of duty. If they want to be away over Christmas I would be asking myself why. When AC get married or have a permanent relationship that person takes precedence so being critical is unhelpful. If you want a better relationship with your son then you'll need to work at it, if you don't just stop seeing them but I feel you have more to lose.

First, I’m sorry for your struggles. It sounds like you’re having a very difficult time.

I don’t understand why his wife is to blame for his decisions. You describe your son as authoritative, which makes it highly unlikely to me that he’d allow his wife to dictate his actions.

I understand you’re upset about him not being around for the holiday, but I don’t see how it makes him selfish. His needs/wants are different than yours. That’s okay. It sounds like you’re both frayed due to everything, and a break , such as him going away for a bit will help to calm things down.

You need to make the best decision you can for yourself. Do you really think that cutting off the relationship with your son will make you happier? Will you really be at peace not seeing him, your gas and any other kids they may have in the future?

I suspect that you’re lashing out in anger and hurt, that you don’t really want to lose the relationship. But I think that you’re dealing with a lot right now, and a therapist could be a really good support and help you navigate through all the changes you’ve had to deal with

I would not vocalise that you don't want to see him as you may change your mind and it will then be too late.
You will not move forward if you are negative towards the person he loves and has chosen to spend his life with. Try to focus on her good points and remind yourself of those.

As for going away, that is their choice - can you arrange a day with your daughter and family - your grandchild/grandchildren (sorry don't remember how many you have) as you are obviously close to her?
Also, could you spend Christmas day with your husband now he is in a nursing home. I think that's what I'd do.

Sorry you aren't very happy at the moment.