Need a Man to make you happy?

MOnica, I’m economically independent, something I was determined to be after a mistaken brief young marriage. I enjoyed life with mr i, we holidayed together and separately. We shared friends and also had other friendships that were less entwined.
He died 15 months ago, after a devastating diagnosis 6 mi this earlier. I miss him more than I have words to describe. Independence is one thing, emotional mutual dependence is part of love I believe. The love lives on despite his physical absence

M0nica

You do not need to be a man to be emotionally and economically independent

I have always been economically independent and I have never been emotionally dependent on anyone, not even my much loved DH. I have a daughter who, by the itme she was 20 had decided neither marriage, partnership nor children were for her and has had an economically successful life and owns her own house.

Far too often, still, women unthinkingly accept the culture of male dependence they may have grown up with and accept without thinking that women, as a group, are emotionally dependent on men.

Domestic abuse and coercive behaviour would be dramatically reduced, if more women learned to reason rather than rely on their emotions and walked out of relationships at the very first sign of coercion and abuse, instead of kidding themselves that possessiveness is a sign of love, it isn't, its a sign of possesiveness and nothing else, and that they still 'love' someone who abuses them.

Monica you know perfectly well that most women do make the selves dependent on their partner, they do it by choice. In the last 100yrs it hasn’t changed much, most women who have children are either dependant on their partner, the state or sometimes parents for support.

You do not need to be a man to be emotionally and economically independent

I have always been economically independent and I have never been emotionally dependent on anyone, not even my much loved DH. I have a daughter who, by the itme she was 20 had decided neither marriage, partnership nor children were for her and has had an economically successful life and owns her own house.

Far too often, still, women unthinkingly accept the culture of male dependence they may have grown up with and accept without thinking that women, as a group, are emotionally dependent on men.

Domestic abuse and coercive behaviour would be dramatically reduced, if more women learned to reason rather than rely on their emotions and walked out of relationships at the very first sign of coercion and abuse, instead of kidding themselves that possessiveness is a sign of love, it isn't, its a sign of possesiveness and nothing else, and that they still 'love' someone who abuses them.

I’ve never seen myself as a “feminist” but I have been and still am very independant, getting the best I can out of life whether I am married or not.
If I am reincarnated I would choose to be a man because men are emotionally and economically independant, however if I come back as a woman I would do much the same again.
I wouldn’t swap my life with any of the women I know that have stayed single, they may be independant but never seem happy .

We seventies feminists had that poster on our wiki then wall henetha - a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, along with A Mothers Place is In The World.
Amazing the one step forward 2 back

Happiness starts from within. It has many levels and only you can know what it is and the trigger that brings it forth.

Relax, step back, and allow yourself the time and space you need to decide what it is that makes you really happy. What gets you up in the morning. What fills you with energy. What motivates you. What is important to you.

People can give advice, but only you can decide for yourself Carmen45

Someone gave me a badge once which said "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". My husband didn't like me wearing it, so I didn't, - much!
I agree with Biglouis, - if I can be reincarnated I hope to be a man next time.

I once saw a card in a shop in Liverpool:-

If we can send one man to the moon why not all of them?

Typical scouse humour.

Should you rely on another person to "make you happy"?

It places quite a burden on that individual to live up to whatever expectations are placed on them.

Being close to someone doesn't mean they are responsible for your happiness, does it?

As flawed humans, we will always, at some point, disappoint.

I married my first love but actually didn’t know until I moved in with him. He is the biological father of my children he was never fit to be called a dad. I divorced him for my sanity and for the sake of my children.

I was on my own without a man before I married my DH five years later. I finally found the man for me he has always been dad to my children. I have had a contented happy life with him. We are a well matched pair and no other man however good could replace him.

Your mother was right M0nica 😊
My mother was widowed in her 30s . She never remarried and lived alone bringing up her 3 dc for the next 55 years so I have a role model!

My mother always said that she thought the ideal situation in life was to be happily married, but better happily single than unhappily married.

She was happily married.

It's 3 years since my DH of 51 years died.
I wish he was still here and sometimes I believe he is. I miss him, not because he was a man but he was my soulmate.

I have male and female friends whose company I enjoy but I don't think of them romantically at all.

I wonder if I was 20 years younger l might have looked for another man but now I am slowly getting used to being independent. It's a gradual process of adapting. I quite enjoy it though I still have bouts of self pity.

I could not trust a man entirely. Finding someone I would be attracted to physically, intellectually is impossible. Finally I do not want to share my family with anyone, nor my house, hobbies, friends. So no is the quick answer.

henetha

I'm obviously a failure at being happy with a man. Having been alone now for a long time, about 15 years, I am more content without all that hassle.

Too harsh on yourself henetha! You are absolutely not a failure at being happy with a man, you just hadn’t found the right man. That said, better to be alone I think, than with the wrong man, however kind and nice they may be.

I never needed a man to make me happy, am very self contained and have raised my lovely and successful daughters on my own with absolutely no help from their father. However, I am now very happy with a man I met 53 years ago when we were at university together. The Love of My Life… Better late than never.

You may need one I don't

I've known some very nice men who are great husbands .
Unfortunately , they are spoken for .

I was seated inbeween two gentlemen at our church lunch and they were the worse company :
One was annoyed as I hadn't seen some programme that he liked on TV and stopped speaking to me and the other talked non stop
- consistently trying to impress me with his academic prowess .Then , he wanted to read my answers to the quiz and was agitated that I said no .
Two glorious wasted hours !

Do I need a man in my life ?

No !

Yes Rosie Maw has got it, I too am less happy without my man. It is the sharing. I have plenty to do and like my own company always have done, but I love sharing my day and offloading, somehow doing that to a girl friend does not cut it quite the same!! I will never find the support and love I once had, but I agree with some, that being alone in the morning is wonderful you can completely please yourself.

I think it's all about different stages in my life. There was a time when I definitely wanted a man in my life because I'm heterosexual. I didn't "need" to be married to one though. Now in my 70's and still happily married to my second husband tbh I don't "want" him in quite the same way but I'd certainly "miss" him if he wasn't here but I wouldn't be looking for another man to take his place. I love spending time with my women friends, they are very important to me and actually I am much more "myself" with them because I know they choose to spend their time with me.

Was martied for 56 years until DH died. I do miss him everyday but do I need a man, no. Don't think I'd find one as good anyway. I enjoy chatting with men, some individually, others in the groups I attend.

After my divorce I had no thoughts of a relationship at all the future was moving on with mum and brother, not an enticing prospect. After about 6 months a man I knew asked me out, he was a widower, I was hooked very quickly and moved in 2 months later.
3 yrs on we have been a very good match and he married me, its all about the right man and the right woman finding each other

I remember having this kind of conversation with my male colleague who happened to be my line manager when I was working.

The topic of conversation was ‘If your spouse were to pass away, will you marry again?’

My answer was no, I did not believe in second time lucky. However, if my husband were to marry again, I will come back to haunt him.

His answer was he did not want to be alone for the rest of his life so he will get into another relationship but he will never remarry.

I think the reason why he will never remarry is because he is wealthy and wanted his own children to inherit his wealth.

For PurplePixie (& others writing similar stuff) - WHY ASSUME that the men others meet are the same as your apparent disappointments??? It's a ludicrous generalisation -- sure lots of men will have disappointing or even awful aspects, but so do lots of women?!

I was widowed almost five years ago after being with my DH for over thirty years. Like others who have posted I have no problem being without a man but wish I still had my man with me.