Does anyone know what an emotional affair is?

I certainly remember a dd saying that such and such a bloke who she saw a lot of, was ‘just a good friend’.

‘I don’t think so - he fancies you,’ sez I.
‘No, he honestly doesn’t!’

It wasn’t very long before he got very drunk and told her he fancied her like mad, always had.

Unless there’s some genuine reason, like one or both being gay, I don’t think mere no-fancying friendships between men and women very often exist. The sex bit so often gets in the way.

For sure it's possible for old friends to be just old friends. There are a couple of people I occasionally hear from and it is honestly just old times, did you hear Bob has just died or I thought you might not have seen this article.
Anything more I'd shut that down pdq
Occasionally you read lovely stories of how old sweethearts get together again after both spouses due, and that's fine.
If someone starts crossing the line then you put a boundary in place, either you stay within the boundary or that's it
Looking back and now knowing what I now know, the emotional affairs my husband had would have progressed had the other person's not had good boundaries, and been decent women, the one he started off with as an emotional affair went beyond and he ran off with her
You have to be very careful indeed with friendships with old flames in particular

Male and female friendships can turn into "affairs". I know I had a friend for years the friendship turned adulterous.

How would the husband feel if the tables were turned and it was your sister receiving the emails. It's too easy for feelings to develop, especially as the husband and ex-girlfriend have history together. That can be a real emotional pull.

So well said !

It’s cheating - cheating is not just physical - he is seeking solace in someone other than his partner sharing personal thoughts emotions experiences. She has said she is not happy with it so he should cease - who is the more important partner wife or ex I went through years of this where he texted called met up with “friends” I was just paranoid they got invited to do’s and occasions because they were fun - he’s not with me anymore

To me it's when you're in love with someone but not having sex with them. Basically the other person is as important to you as your spouse should be, and you'd probably make more time to listen to them if they needed a shoulder than you would your own spouse. Infidelity that's worse for the marriage than just using someone else's body for a night.

flappergirl I can’t agree that a midlife crisis usually happens exclusively to men. I’ve witnessed many a crisis in women!

Madgran77

To be honest it doesnt matter what it is. What matters is that your sister is not comfortable with it and her husband is just trampling overland dismissing her feelings. That is not part of a loving relationship!

this

I agree that if the husband is unhappy the couple should talk about why. If the sister then decides not to see the chap again, however, it could put a strain on the marriage, every bit as much as if she continues to see him and her husband remains unhappy. It seems to me that the couple need to talk more generally, and the OP would do well to stay out of it. Be there for her sister if she's needed, by all means, but meddling is likely to make things worse.

I'd agree with other posters that it's hardly an affair, BUT the the point is, is that the Sister is unhappy with it and her husband should be respecting that. I guess the danger is that if the sister persists and this really is just a friendship, then she might drive the relationship into secrecy. That's when it becomes dangerous ground. So far he's been open and honest with his wife and complimenting someone on how they look is just a nice thing to do, especially if you haven't seen them for a long time (and as we get older we miss that kind of thing! Haha).

Texting once a day is excessive in the context of their relationship and there is almost certainly a problem brewing. A husband or wife who chooses to do something that makes the other uncomfortable or upset is not the foundation of a good marriage. When it involves someone of the opposite sex, it is also highly suspect.

If they were genuinely just friends they would not have cause to speak once a day, it would be an occasional exchange to update each other on their respective families. Complimenting each other on their appearance is crossing a boundary and as married grown ups they will know this.

Your BIL is having a mid life crisis, something which seems to be exclusive to men and which usually involves another woman, buying a motorbike or both.

Even if it hasn't been a physical affair, a lot of people find that their partner has been telling their friend all kinds of things that they shouldnt be privy to.

My husbands ex girlfriend came and stayed with us for a weekend. Because I had male friends I thought it was perfectly ok for him to have women friends and I trusted him totally. I ended up going through the most heartbreaking divorce.

I wouldn't like it but know that doesn't make me right.

TinSoldier

Your sister is jumping the gun in thinking that but as her husband is being open about the communication, she has the opportunity to get in front of things and to head off any potential escalation.

She could say, Are you planning to meet up with [name] as I’d very much like to meet her. Or even suggest something. Why don’t the three or even four of us meet up for lunch?

How he reacts to this will be an indication of what is going on his head.

Of course, people in couples are entitled to have their own friends of either sex but there can be fine line between a close friendship and an emotional affair.

This is genius

MissA what a jolly notion, a handy man with no expectations

I'd like one of those affairs.
No bonking, just someone to do a few jobs for me.

Unsurprisingly, I can't see anyone beating my door down to offer.

It is like an affair without the bonking ..,.

Your sister is jumping the gun in thinking that but as her husband is being open about the communication, she has the opportunity to get in front of things and to head off any potential escalation.

She could say, Are you planning to meet up with [name] as I’d very much like to meet her. Or even suggest something. Why don’t the three or even four of us meet up for lunch?

How he reacts to this will be an indication of what is going on his head.

Of course, people in couples are entitled to have their own friends of either sex but there can be fine line between a close friendship and an emotional affair.

MayBee70

I always had male friends because they used to take me to sporting events that my husband wasn’t interested in. They were all pure friendship. Then my husband started seeing someone he was engaged to at uni. I trusted him but then my daughter saw an email she’d sent to him saying he couldn’t visit again in case he tried it on again. I’m afraid it was the start of his male menopause stuff that resulted in him having a full blown affair.

I think this is what my sister is afraid of MayBee.The frequent messaging will probably lead to "let's meet for coffee/lunch.Which in turn might lead to reminiscing about their past relationship and" rekindled "feelings. By the way,to those who thought otherwise,I am not interfering in their relationship.I merely want to support my sister and be there for her.I,m sure she would do the same for me if the situation was reversed.

VioletSky

It is more than possible for men and women to just be friends... Even after dating

It would cross the line if:

It was secretive

It was flirty

If the marriage has become more distant

If the partner was less emotionally available

They spend a great deal of time talking about the other person

That’s what I had thought. If I’d wanted to turn my friendships into something more, even though my pals had happy marriages, I think I could have done. Men can be very naive sometimes.

Germanshepherdsmum

Complimenting someone on how good they looked and how well they have done is hardly ‘borderline intimate’.

I quite agree...

Complimenting someone on how good they looked and how well they have done is hardly ‘borderline intimate’.

It is more than possible for men and women to just be friends... Even after dating

It would cross the line if:

It was secretive

It was flirty

If the marriage has become more distant

If the partner was less emotionally available

They spend a great deal of time talking about the other person