Does anyone know what an emotional affair is?

Strategic bump for t***l avoidance.

grannyactivist Another suggestion would be that his wife make a habit of texting him daily while he is at work and expecting an immediate reply from him - no matter what he is doing. If he doesn't answer at once, she should text again and make a fuss about being ignored.

His response will probably be that he is the middle of something and surely it can wait? at which point she can point out that he is often in the middle of things at home when X texts him, but he always interrupts that to reply to him, so how come she is rated below X ?

Real affairs can start as emotional affairs, but, as it’s all out in the open, it’s probably just an old friend thing.

I’m still in touch with old male friends - nothing dubious! Just mates.🙂

Updated update! Since I last posted a month or so ago,there apparently has been little happening on the "meeting up" scenario. Since the ex gf of my BiL didn't appear to want to meet with him and my sister! As far as my sister is aware there have been a tapering off of the messages between her husband and the ex. They seemingly just 'talk' about day to day happenings! Whether this the truth or not,well who knows? For all anyone is aware,they may have met up,just the two of them.I suppose unless she has proof,my sister will have to accept what she is told. Unless she decides to sneek a look at his phone. I,m sure if it was me I would be more than tempted!! In the meantime I think we,ll have to assume the"affair "such as it is or was is over!!
P

Astitchintime

"However after a day or so(I think) my SiL had a reply. The ex girlfriend's partner does not want to meet with my SiL and my sister."

I am confused.......Is this the OP's Sister or sister-in-law? Or have a missed something?

Quite right Astichintime! I stand corrected! It is my brother in law I,m referring to!😊

Madgran77

To be honest it doesnt matter what it is. What matters is that your sister is not comfortable with it and her husband is just trampling overland dismissing her feelings. That is not part of a loving relationship!

This entirely.

I read this with interest because I was recently asked my advice by a woman whose husband gets daily texts from a male work colleague that he sees every day. She is very put out because her husband doesn’t text her every day when he’s working or away on business, but when his mate texts there’s always a response from her husband, usually immediately, no matter what else is happening in the family. There is no question of anything remotely sexual about the exchanges, but she said it makes her feel uncomfortable that her husband is, ‘more wrapped up’ in his mate than in his own family.

My response was to suggest she has a frank discussion with her husband about this rather than quietly seething.

I think OP meant to say brother in law in this instance. I suggested backalong that OP's sister could ask that they all meet up as a foursome to try to dispel any notion that there was anything going on between her brother in law and his old girlfriend.

"However after a day or so(I think) my SiL had a reply. The ex girlfriend's partner does not want to meet with my SiL and my sister."

I am confused.......Is this the OP's Sister or sister-in-law? Or have a missed something?

I thought is sounded suspicious at the point where she said her partner did not want to meet as a foursome. There’s every chance she never asked him, that he didn’t know she was texting with someone else’s husband every day.

Kudos to your brother-in-law for being open about what was going on. He was probably flattered for a while, enjoying a stroll down memory lane.

Yes, let’s hope that’s an end to it.

NannySue45: That is really upsetting for you. Have you confronted your DH about all of this? I,m not sure if I could live with this behaviour.Although that,s all very well for me to say. In the meantime things between my BiL and his old flame seem to have stalled.According to my sister he hasn,t heard from the ex girlfriend since asking her if she would be ok meeting up with him and my sister for coffee or lunch! If he is to be believed ,I think this would set alarm bells ringing for me at least. I did ask my sister what she thought.She just shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know what to think. Maybe that's the end of their "emotional affair" .Here,s hoping!

My husband has always been very secretive with his phone and over the years has been guilty of texting female 'friends' behind my back. When we were on holiday once I found he had 2 phones with him!!! Like someone else commented, I think it boosts his ego. I never found out if these relationships went further than texting (but suspect they may have) and my husband was aware it upset me but wasn't prepared to change his ways. He still keeps his phone secret from me so not much I can do about it.

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To be blunt and to pass over who wants to meet who etc. An ‘emotional affair’ is one that is not yet physical. Your sister should express her unease about all this. ‘ stop now or…..

The messages are at least once a day. Hmm.

I would be laying down the law and then some, if my DH was doing that.

I find this discussion so interesting
Thank you all

It'll be interesting to see if the ex agrees to meeting your sister.

Another update; I spoke to my sister yesterday. Apparently the ex gf would still like to meet up with my SiL. Obviously my sister is extremely unhappy at the prospect. She has asked her DH if she can also meet the ex gf. He,surprisingly(to me anyway) has agreed,if the ex is happy with the suggestion. Personally I don't think there should be ANY meeting,but that,s just me.I did not voice this opinion to my sister.I did let her know I,m happy to give her any support she needs.

He might be, might not. Only he can say.

Germanshepherdsmum

Are referring to coveting thy neighbour’s wife? We don’t actually know that there is any coveting going on, do we?

No, not that.

Matthew 5 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart

Assuming he is lusting.

Who knows if she even asked her husband? Has he given a reason why he doesn’t want to meet?

He may not know that his wife is in communication with your sister’s husband. He might be in the dark or, if not, as unhappy about it as your sister is.

Without knowing what’s going on in the other couple's marriage, it’s impossible to say.

Nevertheless, your sister can still go along with her husband to meet the woman to try to get a sense of what’s going on between them and what her life is like.

Are referring to coveting thy neighbour’s wife? We don’t actually know that there is any coveting going on, do we?

An emotional affair is lust in my opinion.
And as such, is an affair, according to the Bible.

After my suggestion to my sister re- four meeting for lunch or coffee she put it to her DH. He,apparently thought this would be a good idea and did just that! My sister said she wasn,t totally thrilled at the thought of this but was prepared to go along with it. I suggested she .might have her mind put at rest when she sees that the ex girlfriend appears to be no threat to her marriage at all. However after a day or so(I think) my SiL had a reply. The ex girlfriends partner does not want to meet with my SiL and my sister. No mention at all if the ex gf would like to meet up on her own! Seems odd to me. I am not,apart from the above,getting involved other than supporting my sister when she speaks to me.But she is still a bit upset by the situation and talking to me helps her cope.

I think that was me who suggested that and I was also speculating on how old the people are. Age doesn't necessarily preclude an affair but there's a lot to lose. Less comfortable to go down that route, I imagine, if you know and like the people who are being deceived. At least, your sister's husband has been open about the meet up assuming he told her without her having to prise it out of him.