Rude Daughter

Hello LinFreed, I'm sorry that you're having these problems with your daughter.

As far as your niece is concerned, you could point out to your daughter that your niece is part of your own family, your extended family and what you choose to do to help her isn't your daughter's business or concern.

It might be an idea to be less available for baby sitting in the future, even if you are free, saying that you're not from time to time, may make her appreciative when you are.

It looks as if being non confrontational and understanding is working against you in this situation. You can assert yourself, make her aware of how you're feeling without being confrontational and a little less understanding would be a good thing too.

As long as you're prepared to allow her behaviour to go unchallenged, it will never change. It might not change if you do, but at least you'll have made your position clear, and if you set up some boundaries you'll at least have some control.

We cannot change how others treat us, only how we respond to their treatment.

Have courage, stand up for yourself .

You sound busy enough Lin.
Love the seaside and a seaside bolt hole.
Have you had a look at mumsnet ?
It’s interesting how some of our grown children see parents. Quite opened my eyes, and not in a good way.
I wish you well and hope some other grans will be along with their advice and experience.

silverlining48 Thanks for feedback. My daughter complains that I'm always busy...I am on my own fgs

I'm an exhibited artist, play competative bridge, have a good circle of friends and often go to my bolthole by the sea. I retired as a local authority councillor in 2022. So I don't lack a life.

But much of this is because I was widowed and that my daughter is not forthcoming with her comminication. She rarely phones to see how I am. I tend to be the one to reach out

During lockdown, she never phoned. I was on my own and relied on friends and son to comminicate. She dropped some food over once when I had an e-coli infection. I'm nearly 72, so not as sprightly as I once was

What a heartbreaking position your niece is in and she is no doubt very grateful for your support.

As for your daughter I understand how hurt you must be but we mums , ie me too, try to avoid arguing especially if they always have an answer to anything you might say.
It sounds like you feel a bit used for babysitting etc . Our children can take our help for granted and wonder if you might be less available sometimes.
I don’t know if you get out much but if not why not Join something like u3A and meet new people. I did and am off to tai chi this morning and just had a message from a new friend offering a lift. Or walking in a group which most councils run for free is another option.
Good luck 🤞