How should I deal with bitchy neighbours in my retirement complex?

I feel for you leapyearnan I couldn’t live in an atmosphere of bitterness either I just find it so childish and petty.

Give it time you’ll soon find out who is genuine and who is not .

I’d keep my own counsel til then. Be a shame to move just now if you like your apartment.

These people still think they are at school they relish gossiping and picking on others. If you do hear gossip about someone say you’re are not interested in tittle tattle and walk away. It might take a while for the penny to drop but they will eventually get the message. As you are the new kid on the block be assertive let them know with those few words you won’t be messed with. You will make friends so don’t even consider moving enjoy your new abode.

As you say it happens "now and then". Try and ignore it. Don't get involved in any gossip. The "l wouldn't know retort " is good

But don't move. You like your apartment. If you can get out and about perhaps follow some ideas from the retirement ideas thread so that your social life does not depend entirely on the complex, it won't upset you so much.
The instigator of the unpleasant remarks may not be there in the future anyway. I do sympathise. I thought mistakenly that things like this only happened in the school playground. try and rise above it.

I feel for you, people can be VERY cruel sometimes without meaning to, but sometimes with pure vileness and it only takes one strong character to take against you to pull others along with them one reason I wouldn’t go to a retirement village or any sort of group living if possible but please don’t shout at me if you re in one and having a great time
I m not going to go into it and nothing to do with retirement villages but a relative has just been pulled to the lowest by one person pretending to be a friend then completely stabbing them in the back and pulling other in with it Complete bullies but it can make someone’s life hell

Allsorts

You sound very friendly and confident Katie which is great however if you are not like that it’s difficult.
I wouldn't move again if the apartment suits you, just don’t ever agree with an unkind comment, I have in the past just said, I wouldn’t know and moved on.. Why would you want to make a friend with someone who is unkind there are bound to be others like you. If I move to such a set up I doubt I would join in much anyway as I am not really comfortable in groups.

You’re right I’m very confident in myself, if I do get a grouchy customer at work I brush it off and remember the 99 nice customers.

I have friends in two of these complexes. It’s exactly the same.
Both friends are always out and about ( both moved to these places because of their husbands health, not theirs)
Unfortunately the majority don’t go out and have become insular, this is where this attitude creeps in.

You sound very friendly and confident Katie which is great however if you are not like that it’s difficult.
I wouldn't move again if the apartment suits you, just don’t ever agree with an unkind comment, I have in the past just said, I wouldn’t know and moved on.. Why would you want to make a friend with someone who is unkind there are bound to be others like you. If I move to such a set up I doubt I would join in much anyway as I am not really comfortable in groups.

leapyearnan
That’s sad to hear , my 90 yr old MIL moved to a retirement village 18months ago she the best thing she’s done ., despite her OH of 30plus yrs passing away after just 6 months of living there , which was sad 😢
We have heard though that it is quite “
clicky” & people can be both kind & unkind .
Try to avoid those unkind ones , if you have only moved recently then you still have to find your feet & work out ffriendships . All of which are I find harder as you get older .

Silly little things can start that kind of unpleasant treatment, things like not hearing or miss hearing a greeting, being too insular or shy yourself, being too busy with other things to join in. I don’t have that problem I dive in with others and start chatting, it’s because I was a nurse where you have to get positive communication with patients all the time

Moving home might be a jump out of the frying pan and into the fire, chances are you will be met with the same situation wherever you live.

Passing bitchy comments about others is no different to bullying in my opinion and sadly some people thrive on being as cruel, mean and unpleasant as they possibly can.

Why should you move out simply because someone has an evil mind and a vicious tongue?

If your present home suits your needs then stay put, rise above the bitchiness - you will soon identify who to associate with, and carry on being a pleasant, friendly person. You will soon attract nice people who have no doubt been on the receiving end of the bitchiness themselves.

Unfortunately you may c nd the same thing everywhere. Learn to 'clock a deaf ear'.

If you move, it might not be any better there.

Somewhere on Gransnet, fairly recently I think, there was a thread about sharp but appropriate retorts to unpleasant comments. Going to have a look at that might give you some ideas.