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(13 Posts)
SecretGM Tue 02-Apr-24 03:49:06

Hi,
I need some advise/help. My daughter is moving away from me with her hubby and kids. They are moving closer to his family. I am beyond devastated over this. How do I cope with them not being by me and being closer to the other grandparents.

Grammaretto Tue 02-Apr-24 06:00:00

It isn't clear how far they are moving.
Is this about jealousy of the other DGP?
Has your relationship broken down?

In general I would suggest that you try to develop interests of your own and don't just live for your DC and DGC.
It will make you a much more interesting grandparent.

HelterSkelter1 Tue 02-Apr-24 06:15:11

Bigger house? Bigger garden? New job? New schools?

Being flippant I would move away from you if you called my DH or husband hubby!!!

Are you on your own? Have they moved far 10 minutes down the road or 200 miles? How close were they when they were "by you"? Are the GC young? As Grammaretto said you will have to work hard at developing different interests if you are going to cope. And different ways of keeping in touch. There is no magic wand.

MercuryQueen Tue 02-Apr-24 06:55:11

How far away are they moving?

BlueBelle Tue 02-Apr-24 07:36:32

It’s a natural thing for adult children to do, they need their own life, their own ways and their independence unfortunately some grandparents don’t have a life outside their family then when that family wants to become independent, their world drops to pieces
You have no right to expect your adult family to live around you. You should be applauding them for having your own life and doing it their way. You need to extend your own life. Find things to do, hobbies, places to go, groups to join, voluntary work, new friends, take more time with your partner if you have one and generally get on with life, children and grandchildren are not there to be your amusement

Your life and your happiness cant be built on others you have to find your own life

Shelflife Tue 02-Apr-24 08:09:48

Your DD " is moving away from me"
NO secret ,she is simply moving away! She may be nearer inlaws but that is what is happening. Don't be devastated be positive, your DD , her husband and children are not your whole life, please make your own . You will be fine !

sodapop Tue 02-Apr-24 12:15:08

Couldn't have put it better Shelflife

Romola Tue 02-Apr-24 15:51:29

Are your DD and family the only thing in your life? It's a real burden on an adult child to feel that an aging parent is so dependent on them.
I don't know the reason for the move, but this is your time to become your own person. Your DD and family will respect you for it.

Shelflife Tue 02-Apr-24 18:46:17

Thank you sodapop.

Curtaintwitcher Wed 03-Apr-24 06:37:25

You seem to be taking this very personally, but there must be a very good reason for their move. I'm sure it won't be too difficult to come to some arrangement whereby you will see them regularly.

Doodledog Wed 03-Apr-24 06:52:31

How have the other grandparents coped with them living closer to you until now? Did you see that as likely to be devastating for them, and if so, what did you do to make it easier for them? I guess you’re within your rights to expect the same consideration in return.

I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation as it affects everyone, not just you. I do understand - neither of my children live near me, and it’s easy to feel left out sometimes - but they have to live their own lives as they see fit. Remember that you can use FaceTime and similar to see them growing up and chat to them. Keeping in touch has got a lot easier than it used to be.

M0nica Wed 03-Apr-24 07:41:33

Presumably at the moment they live closer to you than to the other grandparents. have you ever spared a thought for them, having you closer than they are?

Our children, their spouses and grand chldren are seperate units leading separate lives to us and where we live should not govern there choices.

OK you will miss them but they are not the be all and end all of everything. You should already be existing as a separate person from them with your own outside interests and activities. Just give those more of your time.

My grandchildren live 200 miles away, my companion grandmother lives 5 miles away. This difference in access has never affected the raltion ship of us with our chilkdren or grandchildren or the companion grandmother, who is now a very dear friend.

Gmachicken5 Wed 03-Apr-24 08:50:32

SecretGM
I had a similar scenario except it was my son and dil moving back with her family. I, too, was devastated. I have other interests but at the time they didn’t matter because I was losing the close relationship I had with my 4 grandkids. I was heartbroken. As much as I didn’t want them to leave, they have a wonderful support system with DILs family. My GCs are all 8 and under. I bought an instant print camera, envelopes, stamps, etc and put everything in a backpack for them. We write letters back and forth and FaceTime. Is it perfect? No. Do I miss them? Absolutely. But it does get easier.
I understand your pain!