Estranged son, no grandchildren contact

Mags6161 - I hope Keith and Tim are not their real names.

Having a mother who’s life was troubled before taking her own life would have been so difficult for Tim, imagine your mother not loving you enough to stay alive.

Tim could well be distant from his father for many reasons, he could blame him, could be afraid of being rejected by him, who knows.

I would advise to keep contact but not be pushy.

Keith should do what Keith wants to do.

quite so.

I agree CrazyH. If they are real names the OP should ask for her post to be amended or deleted, and post again without them.

I understand that you are concerned for your partner but these are his children and grandchildren.

It is hard not to interfere as it seems uncaring but I cannot offer any advice except to say be supportive of whatever your partner's decisions are, and if he wants contact there are ways for him to pursue it with his son, or to wait until his grandkids are older, which is difficult I know.

Sorry there are no easy answers to this.

I can’t imagine the pain of growing up with a mother who tried many times to take her own life before succeeding. So I won’t pretend to be able ti guess at what “Tim” may be feeling. (I will assume and hope these are not their real names). In the end I can tell
Where Tim has landed seems ti be extremely limited contact with his father. Just a few texts a year. And sadly for Keith hell simply have to accept that -or choose even less contact. Attempting to force more than tim
Seems willing to give won’t end well Adult children are allowed to choose the level of contact they are comfortable with for themselves and their children.

As greenlady has posted, he needs to do what feels right for him Mags.

I don’t know why people are assuming the problem is the poster using real names. It must be hard seeing someone you live who has been through so much feeling ignored, Keith should do what he’s comfortable with. Just because he’s not treated right it would probably make him more unhappy if he lost contact with his boys, I can’t believe how horrible it was for the three of them. I dare say he has raised the matter with his son about how much he would love to see them them all. . You can’t do much more.

As sad as this is, I wouldn't advise him to cut off completely, this could cause him a lot of upset that could then be placed on your shoulders.

He needs to learn to communicate how he feels to his children

I would advise him to gradually try and build contact up, close the distance that has opened up between them.

You were not present at the time this family went through a huge trauma, and none of us have any idea how it has impacted the sons or how they felt at the time or how it was handled

For your own sake, this is something they need to work through

I think Keith should make it clear to Tim that his door is always open and then not have any expectations..

Thank you so much all of you for your kind and thoughtful messages. Tim and Keith are not their real names for those who are wondering. As this is a very personal situation for Keith, I show support and empathy. I have stressed many times to him that I am here for him as a partner should be and that maybe one day in the future his son will come back to him. It is, however, as he said himself, extremely hurtful that he is not given any opportunity now to see his grandchildren growing up. He has decided to let it be and hope that one day the situation will change. Thank you kind people for taking the time to reply.