Pulled in too many directions

Your DP is an adult with capacity....he's made an informed decision not to take his medication...he knows the consequences....leave him to it

Is the father of your son and daughter able to assist in any way? Does either your son or daughter have a partner for support. Does your husband have siblings who would speak to him? In short, is there anyone at all to share the load? I do hope so.

Congratulations on beginning a new career in Real Estate! Don't sabotage your own efforts to improve your life.

Your adult son is an alcoholic and there is nothing that you can do to change that.

Your daughter is taking care of the issue with the GD not having a stable parent. You don't need to do anything.

Your husband is behaving like a child and you should avoid him as much as possible. The more that you show that you care about him taking his meds, the more stubborn he will become about not taking them because he has decided that it is a way to bother or control your emotions or get you to quit your job. You can message your husband's GP to let them know what your husband has decided, for your own carer liability reasons and you can be ready to call an ambulance when needed for the same reasons. They will take care of him from there. There is nothing you can do to control the grown man.

You still have your common sense! You need to focus on the leads to make some income. This is something you can control and something that you need to put every ounce of energy into.

There is nothing you need to do to support your son, daughter, and granddaughter at this time. You are creating drama for yourself. Please take care of yourself instead and their lives will work out the way they are supposed to without your interference. Take a vacation from all of those problems and focus on your own well-being. Focus.

@FeelingMyAge55 - my son's father died from alcoholism a long time ago. My daughter has support with this endeavor and she's in a good place to take her niece in. I did call my hub's sister today to tell her what was going on. He won't open up to talk to anyone, though, and when she called him, he acted like everything was just fine. And right now towards me, he's acting like nothing ever happened, too. He goes from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde without warning, and small comments can set him to the change. I'm not sure why he's back to 'normal' right now. He doesn't believe in therapy, so won't go to a counselor. At the end of the day, he still hasn't taken his meds. I did ask him why not, again, and this time he said 'if the world crashes, how will I live without them then?', to which I replied 'so why do you want to just die sooner than you have to?'. No answer.

@Macadia, thank you. I'm trying to focus on taking care of myself. It's hard to ignore all of the surrounding drama, though that's what I'm working towards doing. If my son decides to get treatment, I would happily drive him to the facility, but I am trying to distance from otherwise 'helping' him cope with this. On the logical front, it all sounds easy enough. But in reality, it's extremely hard to get out of my head with all of the worst-case scenarios... but that's exactly what I need to do. Get out of my head.

I am sorry you are going through such a turbulent time. You do seem to be being pulled in lots of directions and thought not quite for the same reasons, I do know exactly how this feels.

Above all take care of your own health and wellbeing. You have a life of your own and you need to protect it.

Set yourself boundaries. Off load on to others, especially close friends and family members/ I think the therapy may help, not because there is anything wrong with you though! It may help to learn some strategies for dealing with your son. Maybe he has a father and other family who can help.
Your daughter sounds like a real source of support, so offload onto her too.
It sounds as if your main concern is your family and not your husband, though I can see why this is your prespective the truth is for me that unless you are also prepared to invest time in him (which you don't seem to be) then maybe you should think about getting out of what sounds like an empty relationship.
I hope this works out- it will be a rough ride but you seem very capable of getting there. Trust your instincts but put yourself first as much as you can.

@Louisa1523, Thanks, that's pretty much what I decided to do after my initial attempts to talk to him.

Your husband is an adult, and is behaving like a child.
Your son is an adult, and behaving like a child.
Both are demanding your attention, like children, and that is how you should treat them.
Tell them to take responsibility for their own self-induced problems and you must leave them to it; only they can resolve them.

Your priority has to be your career, to improve your finances and well-being and give you a focus outside the home. Otherwise these selfish men will destroy you and drag you down to their level.

You have some sound advice here take note and focus on number one.

I would concentrate on building your new business.. If manipulative husband manages to deliberately make himself ill
that is HIS responsibility.. If your son refuses to accept some responsibility for his own health and chooses not to put his child first, then equally that is his to deal with.. You can choose not to be co-dependant.. again your choice...

You have a good DD who is prioritizing her niece , that is good news, accept all the help she can offer. As for your husband, he is being foolish and is controlling you by refusing to take his medication - if he continues to refuse his meds then so be it !! There is little you can do , but the suggestion about letting his doctor know is a sound one , that way you will know you have done all you can . Your son must be a huge worry for you and your DH should understand that and support you , instead he is behaving like a spoilt child !! If the worst should happen as a result of his stupid action do not blame yourself - he is a grown man and fully aware of the consequences!!!! Take care of yourself, that is a priority. 💐

Until and unless an alcoholic decides for him, or herself to stop drinking nothing you do or say will make the slightest difference. So leave your son to sail his own sea right now and concentrate on your work.

Your daughter has accepted responsiblity for her niece, so honestly, you can safely leave her to manage on her own too.

If your husband has decided that life is no longer worth living and that is why he has stopped taking his prescribed medicine, you may very well not be able to change his decision.

You certainly will not change his mind so long as he feels, rightly or wrongly ( I am not judging him or you) that your children and grandchild are more important emotionally to you than he is. Have you told him in so many words that you will miss him dreadfully if he dies because he has stopped taking his medicine?

If he has decided not to battle on with a condition that probably will be his death, but to get it over and done with, I am afraid you will need to respect his choice, but for both his and your sake TALK to the man while he is still there.

I have seen both my sister and my husband decide that they no longer had the will-power or the inclination to go on fighting cancer. To be honest it is hell, both for the person who is dying and for those who are left, but by honestly discussing the situation and the decision being made, the last weeks or months can become less harrowing than they look right now.

If your husband is convinced he is dying and feels he might as well "just get on with it" (my husband's words this time last year) then you and he need to discuss his will, his funeral, your assests, his assets, and all the emotional issues between you.

I am sure your husband if he knows he matters to you will see that you do n eed to spend one day a week in the office, and it sounds as if your daughter will understand too that her niece will have to be her affair right now.

Thank you all for the words of advice. You've given me a lot of things to think about.