Advice needed re marriage split

The person to advise is obviously a solicitor. The child's special needs would be a high priority in resettlement.
Who owns the house?
For the sake of the children, if the father also lived in separate accommodation in the same property, it would help with access, once the dust has settled. Probably he doesn't want to live with his mother, so the obvious solution is for mother -in-law to move out.

This thread has left me extremely confused.

Sikipoo, I don't think you need advice. You only need to tell your daughter that you don't know how to advise. Does your daughter need advice? Maybe she can post her questions on mumsnet?

Jasmine - if you're absolutely sure he is doing this, I would have all your clothes / belongings in designated places and all his in others. You don't access his space & he's not to access yours. Leave his laundered / dry-cleaned stuff for him to put away.Maybe it's a control thing - we're usually in control of the home because we are the ones managing it & they may be in control at work - then they retire & can't cope with that. It is very weird but if he's OK otherwise I'd try something like this to try & break the habit. If he goes on doing it regardless, I would wonder what I was doing in the relationship. Look up gaslighting.

So sorry Siki, you must be so worried about you d, who has more than enough on her plate. She could either try and stay where she is as the property would increase in value and they would have a secure home until the youngest turns 18. Just ensure they have separate entrances and no popping in either side. If that is impossible for her for whatever reasons, try not to go the rental route. Properties are difficult to find and an unstable situation for anyone to be in no security for a family. Could she possibly buy a cheaper type property perhaps in a cheaper area but in the catchment area for schools and get a mortgage however small to get somewhere. Good luck.

DH has the habit of hiding my stuff. He goes through my wardrobe and pick things he would get and hides them. Two packages bought online has disappeared, on holidays, he gets stuff and hides them. Including my second passport!

Some gets returned with out me making a fuss. I don't make a fuss because it will only reinforce this weird behaviour. I was thinking he wants me to be worried, to be crazy searching etc and I am not giving this satisfaction to him. But he continues to do it. I am at my wits end. I have confronted him before and it was a massive fight as he denied it vehemently. I hate to stir up fights and arguments as our relationship has become fragile as we grew older. I am 68, he is 66 . Pls help.

Advise needed on how to manage DH weird behaviour

she needs to take legal and possibly financial advice from impartial professionals.

We have friends who divided their home into two.
It worked for them - but the mother-in-law didn't live there.

of course the children's best interests must be put first Norah, that goes without saying.

JaneJudge

Norah

JaneJudge

I wouldn;t want to live with my MIL after a divorce, I think that is a completely normal reaction!

Is she being asked to live with her mil after divorce?

It's a house divided into two flats, it doesn't sound ideal at all if they don't get on

Why? Different entrances, ignore politely.

Grown adults should be able to do what works well in the interest of the children and their own budget - grow up and be kind.

The father and the grandmother would then be available to help and "do dad duty". Sounds nice - as people love to complain to absent dads.

Norah

JaneJudge

I wouldn;t want to live with my MIL after a divorce, I think that is a completely normal reaction!

Is she being asked to live with her mil after divorce?

It's a house divided into two flats, it doesn't sound ideal at all if they don't get on

I am so sorry for you having all this worry. I would suggest your daughter tells the school what is happening and also social services and keep pushing. Being quiet and not wanting to be a nuisance doesn't work in this situation you have to badger. They will have the information as to what might be available given your grandchild's educational needs.

That sounds a good idea

The special needs child attends a school with an asd unit.
Badly affected.non verbal etc

JaneJudge

I wouldn;t want to live with my MIL after a divorce, I think that is a completely normal reaction!

Is she being asked to live with her mil after divorce?

I wouldn;t want to live with my MIL after a divorce, I think that is a completely normal reaction!

as she has a child with special needs whose disability is severe enough to attend a special school I would be inclined to involve the local authority as she may be able to secure adapted property in her area or have a new build adapted, some are on part buy basis but she will need to involve social services, occupational health etc

Sikipoo

Problem is that his mother is on his side. He can do no wrong in her eyes.
Yes she should and could stay in the house, but I think it would be impossible.

Why would staying in the home where she lives currently be impossible? Does it not have door locks that could be rekeyed?

Does her husband see it's not working?
I say this as you refer to "sides".

Problem is that his mother is on his side. He can do no wrong in her eyes.
Yes she should and could stay in the house, but I think it would be impossible.

If not too awkward can he not move in with his mother ?

Wouldn't your daughter be entitled to stay where she is , if she's got young children? When I split from my first husband, he moved out , he did have another woman, so moved in with her. I stayed in the martial home with our young children.