My elderly husband is getting angry,argumentative

Hotie, Welcome to Gransnet.

At various times in the past other people have asked the question you are asking - and the first response will always be that you should consider the possibility that he is developing dementia.

Dementia can manifest itself in many ways and sudden changes in mood and behaviour are one of them. Could you get him to the GP for a checkup and go with him?

The problem is that people wih changing behaviour like your DH are extremely difficult to get to doctors - especially with a spouse accompanying them.

Do you have children who are aware of the problems that you can talk to, so that you approach this problem as a family.

I am sure others will follow me with more detailed advice, but stay with us and we will do our ebst to be supportive.

What age is he? My father suffered with heart disease and he would tell me when he felt very grumpy so as not to offend me. An undiagnosed or worsening heart condition can lead to irritability.

Yes I agree with other posters, there could be an underlying health problem here.
My DH has prostate problems for which he is under a consultant, a few years ago he developed a UTI but I had no idea, his behaviour changed quite dramatically, indeed I began to worry that he was getting Alzheimer’s. Once he was treated for this he soon became his usual self.
The GP should test his bloods, urine, and refer him for investigations into whatever the GP suspects could be the problem.
All the best xx

Yes, I can only echo what others have said. My mother became increasingly belligerent and argumentative, and at the time (I am ashamed to say) we just put it down to her becoming a 'crabbit auld wummin', as we say here in Scotland. It was only with the benefit of hindsight that we came to realise it had been the start of her dementia showing itself.

Before my lovely dad was diagnosed with dementia he became very hostile to my mum after 50 years of a wonderful marriage. She found it very upsetting as like you she was forever trying to keep the peace. I would encourage him to see his GP.

This must be hard for you. I wonder if YOU walking out the room and refusing to engage as soon as he gets angry or argumentative might make him think a bit! You dont have to keep the peace and tread on eggshells all the time ...he might be helped by a lack of engagement to get the message over.

However if this is a new characteristic, do you have other concerns about memory; behaviour etc to consider? 💐

trip trap.

Welcome to GN.

I can encore what others have written, but it would be interesting to know how old you and your husband (DH) are. Is he still working, or newly retired? Some men haven’t really planned for retirement and find the lack of activity depressing and sometimes their ego is dented!
Are there money problems, or family problems that could be making him tetchy?
As others ask, is all this new and out of character, or an escalation of previous behaviour.

I wish you well.

eggplant

trip trap.

??

Welcome to Gransnet Hotie

I don't think it's possible to comment without a bit more information. Is this new behaviour? Out of character? Any recent major life changes?

I agree with Calipso. More context is needed. How old is he, has he always had this tendency? Has anything changed recently. For example, has he retired, had a bereavement, are you looking after grandchildren, moved house? We can't really comment without more detail.

Maybe he’s loosing his confidence, my mum was always confident but recently she flares up at the slightest thing (nearly 80) as I am the closest relative I get the brunt of it. Maybe depression/ dementia?

Welcome. I agree with what MOica and others have said- it is one sign of dementia.

Depression can cause behaviour changes which mimic dementia, and someone who’s never been depressed before might not even recognise that they are depressed. It’s difficult to persuade someone to go to the doctor’s with a possible mental health problem, so this doesn’t really help!

Whether dementia, depression or anything else. the first port of call should be his GP, who can start the process rolling to see if it is caused by a health problem.

A visit to the GP ( if possible!) would be beneficial. My DH was diognosed with Alzheimer's Disease last March. In hindsight the symptoms were there long before that. On the whole he is ok but there are times when he is irrational and has poor judgement. He also has moods that envelop him , when this happens I simply remove myself from the situation - a walk or a drive in the car. This is the best course of action for both of us! After over 50 years of marriage I find the changes in him difficult to cope with.
There are many reasons why your DH is behaving differently so a medical opinion is a sound course of action . When I saw changes happening in my DH I pushed to set up POA, I am so glad we did that.
Good luck.

Can you persuade your OH to go to the GP under some other guise like a mutual health check up or a covid booster jab.

I believe some of the posters upthread have made a salient point. Changes in personality (particularly becoming belligerent and argumentative) can often foretell the onset of some types of dementia. Also the inability or unwillingness to follow simple instructions or to do tasks which they have managed perfectly well in the past.

I saw this gradually come on with my neighbour. Over time she lost her social filters, became aggressive and obsessive over petty things like bins, drains and rubbish. Talking to her was like talking to a tape recorder and you had to repeat yourself multiple times before she appeared to understand.

You could be right eggplant 🧐

Madgran77

eggplant

trip trap.

??

My train of thought takes me to the Three Billy Goats Gruff, who went ‘trip trap’ over the rickety rackety bridge, under which a troll was lurking!

I guess that is the reference, Daddima, but seems unjustified to me.

My late husband was sometimes grumpy but it was always because of his health and the frustrations it caused him: in his case, his heart condition which prevented him doing things he used to do with ease. Sometimes later in the day he would apologise if he had been particularly snappy. Looking back, I recall how much his health limited him for some years.

Welcome

I can only echo everyone else and wish you luck!