Lonely. End of relationship.

I have had a better life without a man than I had with Yes I know I was just unlucky and there are some lovely men out there and I m far far far from a man hater but for me it didn’t work out well, in any of my serious relationships (3) so I decided about 25 years ago that I m not going down that route again and although it could be better with a ‘good’ twosome it would be so much worse with a poor one I ve made a reasonable single life and although I ve had opportunities since I would never try again

Good for you MayBee, I'm glad you have made a good life. I do think constantly through life we lose contact with people and have reassess our life. It's so so easy to do nothing. I find something that interests me and go out odd days on my own or take a break, just seeing somewhere different and I always meet people to chat to. It's not oerfect but nothing is.

When my marriage ended I was in a relationship with someone for a while which ended after a couple of years. At the time I was pretty obsessed with him and went through a sort of withdrawal period after it ended. After a while I realised that it was a relationship that was never going to work and I think that, in time, you’ll probably feel the same way but, in the meantime you’ve got this hole in your life. I joined a singles group that wasn’t a dating group just a group for people to go walking together; theatre trips, holidays etc. At first I had to make myself go to events because I just really wanted to be with him but, as time wore on I started to really enjoy my new found social life.

How about the Cinnamon Trust? They need people to walk dogs for the ill or elderly.

I was in your position six years ago now.
I thought I was in that relationship for life but he got tired of me (he'd been married 3 times before!) and so I couldn't stay.
I moved to be be nearer my family and friends, and luckily was able to keep my job.
I was surprised how little I found I needed him! I had no desire to find a replacement and cherished my new found freedom.
I didn't have to put up with his snoring any more either!
Yes of course there were little things I missed not having anyone around but my social calendar soon filled up and now I have a very full and busy life, much more than I would if I was with someone else.
Change is always difficult, but you can manage this. Loneliness isn't exclusively for the single, it can occur in relationships too.
Raising your self- esteem and confidence is so important too. You can move on, and maybe find life improves more than you now think possible.

Maybe you too would like a dog?

I also think you were brave.
Good for you!

Dear Upthelane
Just wanted to say that you are very brave and have done a very good thing walking away from this relationship if you know it was bad for both of you.Too many people fear being lonely and end up getting in a mess because they cling on to the relationship, so well done you.
I hope you will soon feel better about things and enjoy choosing new things you want to do.

Sounds like some good advice given here,
am just wondering if you would go back to dating online and see how it pans out for you. Obviously you found someone who would be a hard act to follow, and you need time to process the end of that relationship, but if you feel the need for a companion this could be the way to go in the long run.
Hope it all goes well for you.xx

Thank you Cossy. The dog is his not mine and I feel quite envious of that because the dog is really helping him at the moment. I would enjoy a walking club, thanks for the suggestion.

Thanks Georgesgran. We spent such a lot of time together. You’re right it’s probably a matter of adjustment but I feel doing new things would be a distraction from what I’m feeling at the moment.

Thank you BevSec, I haven’t thought of bridge or bowls but I’ll see if there any clubs near me.

I think you feel alone, rather than lonely, due to missing being in a relationship.

Join some clubs, just to meet new people, don’t even think about a prospective partner.

There’s some very good dinner and lunch clubs for mixed genders, join and make some new friends.

You could learn a new skill maybe, a daytime adult class?

Is the dog yours or his? Dogs are fabulous companions and dog people tend to speak on walks etc.

If dog isn’t yours but you enjoy walking, why not join a walking club?

I wish you luck and please keep us posted

Without wanting to trivialize your post, but I’m not sure you’re actually lonely up. Maybe just at a bit of a loose end as it’s only days since your relationship ended?

I hope as time goes by, you find other activities to pass the time.
Meanwhile, there are many on GN in similar situations - some from choice, others not - but I’m sure you’ll find support and perhaps some practical advice here.

Glad you have a good relationship with your children and also have good friends. I have the same but was very lonely with my ex husband who wanted us to live separate lives. I joined bowls club and bridge club and was very lucky to meet a lovely man who is now my current husband! This all happened around my 61st birthday. I am so glad I started going to the bridge club, even though I knew no one there. I do hope for the same good luck for you, as I know what it is like to feel that loneliness too. 💐💐💐💐