her spoilt children

Smudgie

Agree with earlier post from Pascal, you are fortunate to have two houses, make the most of that and retain your independence until these girls have gone to university, college or moved out to live with friends. They sound typical obnoxious teenagers (I think girls are worse at this stage) and hopefully it will pass. If not and they continue to be difficult then you must be patient and wait for the day when you can cheerfully wave them goodbye and shut the door.

I agree with Smudgie's comments above.
Would also add that if they are particularly difficult only when you are there ( do you know anyone else who observes them/ can comment on their usual behaviour ?) then they may indeed be trying to drive a wedge between the two of you out of jealousy/possessiveness ?

Delila

I wonder if this behaviour is reserved for when you visit, OP? They might be trying to shock you.

Food for thought.

I wonder if this behaviour is reserved for when you visit, OP? They might be trying to shock you.

Agree with earlier post from Pascal, you are fortunate to have two houses, make the most of that and retain your independence until these girls have gone to university, college or moved out to live with friends. They sound typical obnoxious teenagers (I think girls are worse at this stage) and hopefully it will pass. If not and they continue to be difficult then you must be patient and wait for the day when you can cheerfully wave them goodbye and shut the door.

We had 3 daughters that would have gone through teenage tantrums, the 2nd did give some minor problems, none were ever outright actually rude to my wife, just stamping and sulking.
My wife did keep them on a very tight reign until they were 16.
I was told quite plainly they were “her” girls and all I needed to do was back her up if needed, it never was.

Witzend

*MOnica*, I’m not sure where this idea has come from - I see it a lot on MN too - that teen girls in particular are bound to be - and almost expected to be - rude and thoroughly obnoxious. Ours never were and it’s not as if we were particularly strict - far from it, in fact.

Can anyone else relate? I can’t be the only one!

Hear, hear, Witz.

I have yet to meet a blended family that doesn't have issues of one kind or another.

Recently a childless couple adopted
siblings who are already of school age
and had been in fostercare for years.
Despite any amount of support from
social services, family and friends,
the new mother could not bear the
anger, rudeness and rejection these
small people brought into their home
and decided she had made a mistake.

In your case, these girls are not going
to readily accept your intrusion into their lives, and particularly their DM. They will continue ro test you.

If you truly love your wife you will
meet these trials with love, patience and humour! Good luck.

So called blended families often have extra layers of irritation to navigate I’ve learned over the years observing them. A minefield in some cases. Often the second-time-around couples duck out of Christmas (your family or mine this year dear?) and disappear abroad for 2 weeks for ‘winter sun’ and escape!

How can you can be in a relationship with someone and be unaware of your partners teenage children’s behaviour. Surely you must have observed the relationship between them and their mother at some stage. You must be rather naive or wear blinkers of some kind to not have noticed their behaviour good or bad.
MOnica it is wrong to assume that all teenage girls are rude and obnoxious. I must be very lucky as my daughter is polite and kind and never rude equally my son is too.

I suggest you continue living in separate houses until the girls leave home and then review the situation.

No you are not the only one Witzend this is neither normal nor acceptable behaviour and if it's indulged, what makes you think M0nica that there will be a miraculous transformation in 5 - 10 years?

I really don't know what you can do about this visitingwhen. If this is how she allows her children to behave she's unlikely to change and even more unlikely to appreciate you commenting on it.

MOnica, I’m not sure where this idea has come from - I see it a lot on MN too - that teen girls in particular are bound to be - and almost expected to be - rude and thoroughly obnoxious. Ours never were and it’s not as if we were particularly strict - far from it, in fact.

Can anyone else relate? I can’t be the only one!

You should have considered all this before getting married.

Perhaps they resent you, and their behaviour is designed to drive a wedge between you and their mum.

How long did you go out with her before getting wed?

Didn’t you visit before you married ?
Wasn’t that a red flag if it annoys you so much ?
You say you wish your never married her surely you should have thought of that before you took that step
As you say you avoid visiting how do you know that they are like it ALL the time.
Anyway they are her children, she loves them, and they will be gone in a blink and she ll miss them, teenagers do go through selfish phases and sometimes seem disrespectful and uncaring but most change with a bit of maturity into lovely young people but whether they do or they don’t they are her precious kids and if you are wise you will make friends not enemies of them

visitingwhen I suspect you have rather rosy memories of your childhood. Either you parents ruled you with a rod of iron, or your memory playsyou false.

These girls are a set of normal hormonal teenage girls, the situation would have been no different if they had been hormonal teenage boys.

Give it 5-10 years and they will all be sweet delightful 20 somthings.