Dilemma over loaning money

is it your son also?

if you can't afford to give it away don't do it.

I had no problem loaning my grandkids they have both been brought up in a very honest setting My grandson had been to the bank but the interest was large and I trusted him implicitly so offered the money with obviously no need for interest we set up a DD and even when he was short on money as his job is very weather orientated he would not accept my offer of leaving it for a month He’s halfway through paying it back
My grandaughter borrowed a smaller amount and I would have given it but my daughter said no she needs to learn so we have done the same for her and she’s also halfway there. They are satisfied with the big advantage of no interest to pay
I trust them implicitly they are very straight honest people and I would do it again for for any of my grandkids (although there’s one who might not be so structured but we would get there🤣)
I would have no ability to give the money, its my future

A man of 40 is a different story especially if he’s been flaky about money in the past

You say his son so are you the step mum and is the inheritance from your husbands family or yours ? I think this does make a difference as the son hasnt actually asked for any money and obviously if your husband wants to build bridges then you should support him I think

Flo, on reflection, the son hasn't asked for the money to live on the barge so why would your husband be offering him a loan to do so, that's encouraging and endorsing the idea, The son should be trying to get his life on track and that isn't helping him do it. Really think he has to think for himself. I drummed into mine never borrow.

How can son be taking you for a ride Flo22? He never asked for the money so either gift it or don`t.

I was asked to loan to ds once and of course I did, we set up a no-interest payment plan and I got it all back. Any other monies from me to AC are no strings-attached gifts. I would never assume that any money from me is a loan, unless they specifically ask

That 10k is best kept in a savings account for when it really is a rainy day for ds and only then gift it. If you `loan` it now, he will get the money-pit sinker and your money will end up on the canal floor.

He hasn't asked, mae13.

He hasn't suddenly "popped up". He's got his greedy, beady eyes on the rest of the inheritance windfall......

I wouldn't loan, I did twice and never got it back, made to feel at fault for bringing the matter up. Have given the money to son and grandchildren when needed. Rather help whilst alive than leave it.

If I want to give my children money it is a gift, if they ask to borrow money for a specific reason (e.g. one had a cash flow issue and needed to pay his tax bill so I lent him the money and as soon as the money he was waiting for arrived he paid me back.)

I don't think it is as simple as it has to be a gift or it has to be paid back.

Has your husband's son asked for advice or opinions on his boat project? Fully grown adults typically do not want advice or opinions.

Give him a gift, don't give money he hasn't asked for as a "loan".

Appreciate all your comments, especially the one about said boat being a sinker!

It would a flat No from me.

Perhaps a little at a time, to see how the repayment goes.

Who was the inheritance left to? Was it left solely to your husband or to you both jointly? Will £10,000 significantly affect your future? Most parents wish to help their children so your DH is far from unusual. Obviously it is not your son, so you have a different perspective but if it is not your money then I don't see what you can do without causing upset.

I’m another one who says don’t do it! One of my nieces lives on a narrowboat and has done for about 20 years. Her Mum gave her £30,000 to buy it back then so dread to think what a decent one costs now. She then had to give the other daughter the same amount as a deposit on a house. All that money came from what her own mother left her!

I do know there are lots of expenses involved in the upkeep but can’t remember all the technical terms.

With you there old bat. I left at 17 to live alone in London and regularly had to go to bed early covered by an extra coat because I was cold or as soon as it got dark because I didn’t have the money at the end of the week for the electricity and gas meter in my small bedsit.
My parents could have helped but never offered and I never asked.

Loans to loved ones or even friends can be problematic but if someone asks for a loan that's what they're asking for, not a gift, and should be prepared to pay it back.

Please realise as romantic as it sounds “Boat” stands for “bring on another thousand”. We had a narrowboat for a few years which was newish and in good condition. It had all mod cons BUT was expensive to insure and maintain plus cost of waterways licence and mooring costs in a marina.
Personally we continuously seem to bail one dd out. I left home at 18 and never received a penny from my parents as they were struggling financially.

My view is that if a AC asks to borrow money there should be an expectation that this is repaid.
If offered by parents out of the blue then it should be seen as a gift. Unless it’s clearly stipulated it’s an offer of a loan.
If offered as a gift then obviously no expectation of it being repaid.

What will AC learn about managing money if we allow something borrowed not to be repaid, and worse never to expect repayment. It doesn’t do them any favours.

petra

Cossy
There’s a reason this sinker ( that’s what we call them) is for sale at 10,000. The now owner has been told to move it.
Two problems there is: he/she can’t afford it, but even worse, nobody wants these heaps of rotten wood because they eventually sink and the yard/river authorities have the cost of removing it.

My Dad had boats, not houseboats, but cruisers, I’m guessing this man is thinking (or not) that this is a “cheap” way to get accommodation. I’d say he’s slightly deluded and very naive.

I’d suggest he offers to gift him half (£5K) and then see what son does with that amount?

Wise advice from Monica re value of money.
Wise advice from Cossy and Petra re houseboats.

I loaned some money to a very dear nephew and he promised to pay it back but, after the first instalment, he stopped. He then moved ( was evicted I think) and changed his phone number. I felt so upset as we were once really close and, if he’d spoken to me I’m sure we could have sorted things out. Sadly he died of covid so I never had the chance to do so.
Flo 122, if you can, do try and talk your husband out of loaning his son the money, it will only lead to heartbreak

Cossy
There’s a reason this sinker ( that’s what we call them) is for sale at 10,000. The now owner has been told to move it.
Two problems there is: he/she can’t afford it, but even worse, nobody wants these heaps of rotten wood because they eventually sink and the yard/river authorities have the cost of removing it.

petra

Please please don’t lend someone £10,000 to buy a house boat.
Just that one thought ( by the son) shows that his thinking isn’t on track.

I completely agree.

A houseboat is something one buys as a project, to “do up”, if it’s already quite shabby has said son thought about maintenance? Boats are quite expensive to maintain and can be damp and cold.

Just a thought, but if this son has been living with his mother all this time, with little contact with your DH, why has he not managed to save any money? He could possibly have been working for 20+ years.

If you and your husband both agree that you won't need your own money later, then by all means give it to your son. But don't lend it - that's a very fast way to a bitter family feud. Either keep it for your future needs or kiss it goodbye. If your son didn't actually ask for it, then don't even offer. He has his own pride, after all, and he may resent a random big-money gift, which might suggest that you think he's incapable of shifting for himself.

Please please don’t lend someone £10,000 to buy a house boat.
Just that one thought ( by the son) shows that his thinking isn’t on track.