Ageing friends

RosieandherMaw

Apologies ixion - didn’t mean to bite your head off, it was just the thought of the pretty little notelet which I found a bit Barbara Pym when we are more likely to communicate by WhatsApp

Perhaps that what ixion meant though.

A ‘physical’ piece of paper rather than a phone message?

Something to prop up on the mantelpiece as a reminder.

Like what we used to do

Apologies ixion - didn’t mean to bite your head off, it was just the thought of the pretty little notelet which I found a bit Barbara Pym when we are more likely to communicate by WhatsApp

Relating a tale to a couple of friends today at lunch, I found myself asking anxiously "Have I told you this before?" One said I hadn't, the other just smiled but then she had just spent 15 minutes telling us stories about her childhood which we'd heard several times before.

RosieandherMaw

ixion

RosieandherMaw

They have both rung me this morning (one twice) and rung each other apparently to ask what time we are leaving to go to lunch - I had clearly told both 12.00
Beginning to question my mown marbles soon!

It might've been kind to drop them a little note, on a pretty notelet, once the arrangements had been made.
Looking forward to seeing you on x at y at z.

Popped on the mantlepiece, it would be a permanent visual reminder and reduce their anxiety levels.

All very, er, discreet.

Superfluous really as one lives opposite me and the other 500 yards away!
It wasn’t such a big deal, just lunch with a book group friend.

It seemed a sensible and well intentioned idea. No need to be quite so snappy.

Lucky old you with friends on the doorstep.

My sister lives abroad, she's 5 years older than I am and is becoming very frail. She has family living near but two weeks ago she fell and broke her hip badly. I can't travel abroad ATM because I'm on the waiting list for a procedure on my heart and can't get health insurance. tbh I don't think I will see her again and talking to her on the phone is very difficult as she is very deaf and her memory is not good. it doesn't help that she speaks in a different language and seems to be losing her English so we have a fragmented conversation. It makes me very sad.

ixion

RosieandherMaw

They have both rung me this morning (one twice) and rung each other apparently to ask what time we are leaving to go to lunch - I had clearly told both 12.00
Beginning to question my mown marbles soon!

It might've been kind to drop them a little note, on a pretty notelet, once the arrangements had been made.
Looking forward to seeing you on x at y at z.

Popped on the mantlepiece, it would be a permanent visual reminder and reduce their anxiety levels.

All very, er, discreet.

Superfluous really as one lives opposite me and the other 500 yards away!
It wasn’t such a big deal, just lunch with a book group friend.

glasshalffullagain

M0nica, I am coming round to the view that we are what we are.
It's good that DS's MIL is an inspiration and a strong disposition. But it's not a competition!

My parents were indestructible. Unfortunately I am not cut from the same cloth.

No, not a competition, but definitely an inspiration.

I come from a long lived and healthy family. My father made it to 92, with his mind as sharp as ever and several of his siblings did as well. In fact his youngest sister is still alive at 97 and her physical and mental condition has only gone down hill in the last year.

M0nica, I am coming round to the view that we are what we are.
It's good that DS's MIL is an inspiration and a strong disposition. But it's not a competition!

My parents were indestructible. Unfortunately I am not cut from the same cloth.

Five years ago my two close friends and my DH all died within months of each other, two with cancer and one a tragic accident . I miss them all still so much. Recently another good friend has become very forgetful and has lost her sharp wit and sparkle, she has been diagnosed as having “ cognitive decline” . My sister in law is definitely struggling with her memory but her DH is in denial. Our circle of friends do diminish sadly , I remember my mother saying at 97 still mentally very able but physically frail that no one is left who remembers her when she was young .
This morning I diligently cleaned out the filter for the dryer, and then set it going with the towels . I returned 40 minutes later to find the filter on top of the dryer still ! I unpacked my Ocado delivery and discovered I have 3 cucumbers ! 🙄. My excuse is I’m recovering from what I think was flu despite having the jab . I always get the DGC names all mixed up plus the DD dogs anyway, but couldn’t remember my niece’s name this morning when I needed to phone her . Head is so fuzzy .

RosieandherMaw

They have both rung me this morning (one twice) and rung each other apparently to ask what time we are leaving to go to lunch - I had clearly told both 12.00
Beginning to question my mown marbles soon!

It might've been kind to drop them a little note, on a pretty notelet, once the arrangements had been made.
Looking forward to seeing you on x at y at z.

Popped on the mantlepiece, it would be a permanent visual reminder and reduce their anxiety levels.

All very, er, discreet.

I have also been thinking about this recently. Sadly several of our long standing friends have died in the last 5 years. None would have been considered elderly.
Unfortunately, another seems to have some sort of dementia and won’t see anyone medical or a friend. Age seems to bring sadness with it.

I have a friend just two months younger than me( both 87
She definitely worries me.
Her H died 2 years ago and she frets about the most trivial things.
She is also very, very deaf and conversation is both hard and frustrating.
She has a ring door bell and insists it doesn’t ring in her house.
Her D has it tied up to her phone and sometimes rings her mum to tell her there is someone at her door.
I went up to see her on Sunday and it took 10 minutes for her to come to the door and this was after me knocking very loudly on her window.
I would have gone home but she was expecting me at the time I arrived.
She then told me an improbable tale about her SiL and a journey he was taking.
Lots of other things and I don’t know whether to tell her AC , both in late 50’s who don’t visit very often.

Same here Monica - I see my 85 year old neighbour clippity-cloppeting past, on her way to catch the bus into town. Her longevity is probably due to her lifestyle - eats no meat except pork, mostly fish, no worries about family ( although I wouldn’t swap mine for the world ). But when you have children and GC , you are constantly worrying

My own mum is coming up to 93 and going strong.
Gives me hope!

I have decided I am living until 90!

I am in a few clubs and we have lost quite a few members recently. Some have got Alzheimer’s, some have died and some have had mind altering strokes. Very,very upsetting and often very unexpected. One friend has only just turned 70 and has become demented and has to now live in a nursing home. She hardly recognises anyone now. So sad, she was a lively party dude back in the day. It’s sucks sucks sucks getting older.

Another thing is seeing one's siblings aging and losing their marbles. Why do I have less patience with them than my friends?

It was losing friends younger than me to standard old age illnesses; heart failure and dementia respectively that put the wind up me.

Up until they died (2022 & 2024) friends who had died, died of cancer, relating to genetic inheritance or smoking, or things not necessarily specific to old age.

However, I cheer myself up by thinking of DS's MiL, 89, this year, 7 years my senior, still living at home and with all her marbles. She has stopped driving but is fortunate to have both daughters nearby and has been incorporated into their wide and ecletic social circle, so still getting about and going places.

When we go north to visit the family in a few weeks time, we will stay with her for three nights. Every time we visit I query whether we should stay in a hotel, the answer is always 'no', but we do now take our bedding with us to save her having to change bedding. I look at her and it gives me hope.

Also, the pace of change (and life) is so fast now, far more than a few decades ago.

Things like cash and cheques not being used much, having to book GP appointments and similar online, in fact everything online now, so many places self service that used to be manned…

I could go on, but no wonder as we age we find life so different and we yearn for it to be simple, like it used to be, or at least as we remember it.

So true. A friend I've known all my life suffers from such anxiety.
She still gets around and does a lot but worries terribly about the state of the world.
Possibly with reason at the moment.
She's also very impatient, hates crowds and has very little appetite for food.
I worry about her.

I am younger on this forum than most. And already, my two closest friends, around the same sort of age, have major medical problems.
I find it so sad.
I now dont expect either of them to necessarily be around in the next decde.
But they are still here for now.
Who knows what the future holds for any of us.

I find most of my friends want very much to keep in their comfort zone - the same places for lunch or walks, the things that they don’t want to go to or do.

I very much miss my sister who was up for anything new. I really don’t have anyone who wants to do something different with me.

So I have to really fight myself to make sure I don’t become like that, even though I do stress myself out a bit.

My dh is a lot fitter than I am and still does a lot of manual things in the garden, I'm more technically minded. I tend to potter more. When we have to do anything different he fusses and sees imagined pitfalls everywhere. He worries about so many things now, he was 80 not long ago. I just think this comes with age and is fairly normal.

I recognise that in myself which I find worrying. My DD and SiL took us to the theatre on Friday night. I fretted about where we could eat beforehand and what to do if the carpark was full when we got there. As it happened it all worked out perfectly but I hate more and more being out of my comfort zone.

I’m the opposite - my two closest friends are a few years younger than me. One, who had mental health problems in her 20’s is now very anxious about most things and can’t seem to stop interfering in her AC’s lives. She’s very lucky they tolerate her and almost encourage it, so they do little for themselves!
The other friend is a hypochondriac and getting worse - this weeks trip to the GP has confirmed a blackhead, but she’s completely OTT, wondering how a 69year old would get one!

Of course, I’m perfect!!
Nothing wrong with my marbles, although the DDs reckon there’s a hole in the bag!

They have both rung me this morning (one twice) and rung each other apparently to ask what time we are leaving to go to lunch - I had clearly told both 12.00
Beginning to question my mown marbles soon!