Ageing friends

I have a bad memory, I've seen the GP a couple of times some years ago and was told I was fine nothing to worry about.
I knew then my memory wasn't as sharp as when I worked.

Recently I've had a couple of times when I couldn't remember how to get home in the car. I wasn't driving it was was when I was sat in the car park before going home.
Could remember part of the journey then my mind went blank. I sat for a while visualizing the road back home and it came back to me.
The strange thing is I can use spreadsheets for my accounts and know how to work out formulas, which I have not forgotten how to do.
I have an appointment to see the GP this month to see what he thinks.

Thank you Calendargirl. Yes, it is hard, but as I said, I do have much to be thankful for. Just need to learn to accept how things are now and make the most of what we do have.

Re those of us on here getting older, I remarked when I was seventy that I was just as fit and well as when I was sixty and then suddenly was diagnosed with oral cancer (thanks to my dentist). Two years on and I am "cured" but it brought me down to earth with a bang. In those 12 years I realised I have lost so many friends and relatives - many much younger than me - including two in their 60s, a cousin in her mid-50s and a childhood friend of my DD in her 30s - all of whom had been fit as fleas until the day before their deaths from previously-undiagnosed health problems

I admit I am still getting used to this idea that it could be my turn any day. My youngest DD is 41 and has just started her third round of IVF treatment and it has hit me that I might not live long enough to even see her child, never mind see it grow up.

I can only hope that I take after my DF's mum and five aunts who all lived till their 90s with my GA May making the front page of the local newspaper as the oldest living resident of Derbyshire at age 104!!! And she was fit and well till the day before her death!

Usedtobeblonde please do tell the AC. My late mum had dementia and it took me around two years to recognise that something was amiss - and I only discovered it when the police rang me in the middle of the night to say they had found her waiting at the bus stop at 3 a.m. This was a rural area where the buses don't run at night. It turned out that her close friends and neighbours had been aware of it for all that time and never said a word to me. Fortunately the police recognised the problem and notified the local GPs where she was a patient and the next day the GP visited and decided to hospitalise her for 6-weeks observation where she was declared unfit to live at home. Everything moved very quickly, we managed to find a good care home with a vacancy and in she went. I later learnt there could have been ways in which she could have stayed at home with appropriate safety measures but I simply didn't have time to investigate them.

The last sentence from Madeleine45 seems to sum it up rather well for me.

It is very sad when friends have problems or die and we will be sad but at least we had that friendship and love for a long time and though it may not feel like it I think the sadness you feel now is because they were so important to you and it is good to look back at things shared.

Thank you Madeleine

ixion

RosieandherMaw

Apologies ixion - didn’t mean to bite your head off, it was just the thought of the pretty little notelet which I found a bit Barbara Pym when we are more likely to communicate by WhatsApp

But Whatsapp wasn't the answer here, was it?

I still receive notelets - I have no problem with that, nay am grateful to receive any communications in any form at my age.
And no, I don't feel any affinity with Barbara Pym .

To a friend showing signs of forgetfulness, anxiety, fussing, why not provide that bit of discreet reassurance, in the unspoken name of friendship?
Perhaps the inevitable ageing process which worries you, also concerns them deep down?

Who knows, it may have been the solution?

What’s wrong with Barbara Pym? I love her books (well, most of them.)

Every day is a new day. Don't worry what happened yesterday. It's gone. Today is a new day. Enjoy it. Then do the same tomorrow.

I put my handbag in the fridge with the shopping and threw a washing load into the dishwasher. Much panicking about the handbag until husband went to get milk for a calming cup of tea. I was only it my 30s! I was rushing around after arriving home from a stressful job and a young son to take care of. Just too much to do and think about. I worked until I was 70 and have noticed a decline in the last four years, physically and mentally and put it down to not having enough to think about!

Sending you LynW

Must be very hard.

I like the way you think, Glasshalffullagain.

I lost 2 friends within a few days, just before Christmas '23. One was my age, the other 10 years older. And it's very difficult to find new ones when you are old. One remaining friend is getting very forgetfull. With me, names come and go. Remembered one minute, forgotten the next, to re-emerge seconds to days afterwards - but this has been happening for years. I have instructed my daughters to let me know if they ever have concerns about my cognitive abilities and not be shy.
Then I can make any necessary arrangements before it is too late.

kircubbin2000

Other grandad who is younger than me 70s has got very confused. He watched Holly oaks recently where there was a funeral. A while later his wife found him upstairs in his suit and black tie getting ready for the funeral!

It is frightening how quickly people can deteriorate. A friend, in his early 70s, was diagnosed with mild memory loss.

Then his wife died suddenly. I went to visit him a few days after the event and he seemed to be mainly alert and focussed, if a bit fey. Six weeks later at his wife's funeral. He had lost his memory completely. Even with his children either side of him he was totally lost, and never recovered. It was a frightening example of how fast dementia can close someone down at times.

I lost my oldest friend in our early 50’s she’d suffered several strokes due to alcohol dependence. It was hard as we’d shared a lot of heartache over the years. My other close friends don’t have the same attachment. However your post reminded me of my aunt, she was the last of my aunts, and I always sent her flowers several times a year as she lived at the opposite end of the UK to me. Our last conversation had me in tears, as she felt she was losing her language skills. Unfortunately a couple of weeks she died. My brothers and cousins all made the sad journey for her funeral, it was the longest saddest trip I’ve ever taken.

After several bereavements, I became very forgetful while on pain medication, and was referred to a 'memory clinic' where a very nice psychiatrist gave me a verbal memory test, upped my dose of anti-depressants, and said temporary memory problems were quite a common symptom of depression. I assume I'll be offered an appointment to monitor the use of antidepressants in due course.

FWIW, getting older is 'the way of all flesh', and I try not to resent it. It has brought some lovely surprises, like grandchildren and great-nieces and nephews! I understand finding the limitations ageing brings into our lives annoying, but I'm even looking forward to retiring as it's something I've never done before!

Other grandad who is younger than me 70s has got very confused. He watched Holly oaks recently where there was a funeral. A while later his wife found him upstairs in his suit and black tie getting ready for the funeral!

I get frustrated with problems with my back and the cancer etc., but those are physical things, which I do the best I can, but inside this rather dodgy body is the mad 20ish person who was ready to go off at the drop of a hat. So I am always ready to drop any jobs I am doing at the chance of a trip outside, whether that is just in the garden or a chance to visit something. I know a couple of friends are rather disapproving, and they are much more wedded to keeping to the pattern they like at home. Partly we have to accept that things take us longer and perhaps it is sensible to spread jobs across several days, but I can honestly say that even when something did not turn out as well as I had expected, I have always been glad that I made the most of the moment. So these friends have neat and tidy homes and know where everything is, and at times mine is also neat and tidy, but can also be untidy and disorganised. So long as I am clean, and my washing is done and food prepared in a clean area then the rest can wait as far as I am concerned. Any sunny day at the moment means get out while you can for me.It is very sad when friends have problems or die and we will be very sad, but at least we had that friendship and love for a long time and though it may not feel like it, I think the sadness you feel now is because they were so important to you and it is good to look back at the things we shared.

Yes, winterwhite, just need to learn to move over graciously to the slower lane. Makes sense, will come to most of us sooner or later. We are what we are and life is precious. Slowing down a bit and maybe doing things a bit differently and accepting change in us and those around us - and looking out for others too - is the way forward I think. I understand, though, how frustrating it can be.

Sometimes people who are deaf have to double or even triple check things .

I recognise this. DH is displaying signs of forgetfulness and definitely the anxiety. We are seeking professional help. He’s been a wonderful husband, but it is so difficult seeing deterioration in those so close to us. Love and patience needed in abundance, but so hard sometimes. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and indeed I have. Wonderfully supportive family, friends and neighbours. Keeping my own interests and friendships going, whilst still being a loving, caring wife. It’s life, it is what it is as my DIL says, and yes, much to be thankful for.

This is all just life in the slow lane and we all have to pull over into it at some point.
GN can be quite ageist.

Friends and family exhibiting signs of the years passing is inevitable and not unexpected. I remember vividly it happening to my parents social circle and ultimately my Mum, Dad didn’t live long enough sadly.
I accept it and try to tailor communications and arrangements to suit the individuals, some of us laugh together about it too.

As a visual learner I absolutley love bits of paper and notelets! I don't think I'll ever fully transfer to doing things " on my phone"

Nor will I adandon miles and pounds and ounces!

Much of Barbara Pym life styles are relevant today, despite that churchiness no longer normal. In my experience people to whom I've sent paper letters are delighted to get them,----such a novelty----and I love my yearly Xmas card all written upon with his news from an enduring old friend

My own lifestyle involves a lot of paperwork sometimes including from my sons when they do a diagram to explain something difficult. Also my daughter in law once sent me a hand written short note so beautifully written (she is a primary school teacher) that I keep it as work of art.

Used to be Blonde, I am 93 and I hope that's a good enough justification for the following unasked for advice. Do please tell her adult children

Usedtobeblonde

I have a friend just two months younger than me( both 87
She definitely worries me.
Her H died 2 years ago and she frets about the most trivial things.
She is also very, very deaf and conversation is both hard and frustrating.
She has a ring door bell and insists it doesn’t ring in her house.
Her D has it tied up to her phone and sometimes rings her mum to tell her there is someone at her door.
I went up to see her on Sunday and it took 10 minutes for her to come to the door and this was after me knocking very loudly on her window.
I would have gone home but she was expecting me at the time I arrived.
She then told me an improbable tale about her SiL and a journey he was taking.
Lots of other things and I don’t know whether to tell her AC , both in late 50’s who don’t visit very often.

We have a chime for the doorbell plugged in upstairs as ours didn't ring in the house only on my phone and I often missed it. Now I hear it loud and clear.

RosieandherMaw

Apologies ixion - didn’t mean to bite your head off, it was just the thought of the pretty little notelet which I found a bit Barbara Pym when we are more likely to communicate by WhatsApp

But Whatsapp wasn't the answer here, was it?

I still receive notelets - I have no problem with that, nay am grateful to receive any communications in any form at my age.
And no, I don't feel any affinity with Barbara Pym .

To a friend showing signs of forgetfulness, anxiety, fussing, why not provide that bit of discreet reassurance, in the unspoken name of friendship?
Perhaps the inevitable ageing process which worries you, also concerns them deep down?

Who knows, it may have been the solution?