Won't wear his hearing-aid

We have an old man in the care home where I work and we have to shout at the top of our voices with him as he won’t have a hearing test let alone aids.Otherwise he’s a nice and reasonable person.

Poppyred

I was completely fed up of having to repeat myself to my DH all the time, so arranged an audiology appointment for him. It was just after Covid so wasn’t allowed to go with him. He came back without hearing aids, stating that the audiologist had told him he had 6 months to decide whether he wanted any or not?? I’m sure he made that up!! Anyway arranged another appointment and went with him this time. Hearing aids in place we came home. That was nearly 4 years ago now and no he doesn’t wear them! I only ask him something once, if he says What? Or pardon, I just walk away!

That must be so frustrating.
He’s in denial that he needs them possibly.

silverlining48

I have newish aids too, and what I hear is tinny and distorted and much too loud. I wore them every day for a few hours but found they make my ears itch terribly, so they are back in their boxes fir now,
My dh and friends get irritated with me that I don’t use them, but I would, if only they helped.
I might try again this afternoon.

Please persevere.
There is good evidence that they enrich our lives if we embrace them.

I'm sure you don't really want to be the one unable to chat...

I was completely fed up of having to repeat myself to my DH all the time, so arranged an audiology appointment for him. It was just after Covid so wasn’t allowed to go with him. He came back without hearing aids, stating that the audiologist had told him he had 6 months to decide whether he wanted any or not?? I’m sure he made that up!! Anyway arranged another appointment and went with him this time. Hearing aids in place we came home. That was nearly 4 years ago now and no he doesn’t wear them! I only ask him something once, if he says What? Or pardon, I just walk away!

loopyloo

You have all my sympathy.
Deafness is really difficult to live with.
How long has he had that hearing aid? Or since he has his ears tested?

You try being the one who needs the aids!!

Allira

Aveline

Thanks Loopyloo. That app will be v useful in the care home.
Very difficult, frustrating and sad situation for the OP. No easy answers.

Yes, I can sympathise although in this house it's more very loud conversations than silence.
DH says I speak too quietly then, if I raise my voice, I'm shouting. He mishears a lot then gets annoyed because he thinks I've said something I didn't.

It is not volume us hard of hearing people need, but clarity, speak slowly and clearly and never drop off at the end of a sentence as we don't get the meaning. Never laugh either before you have finished speaking as the whole meaning is lost.

TwiceAsNice

I can adjust the volume on mine . Things were very loud to start with. Mine are connected by Bluetooth to my phone and when I answer my phone I hear the call through them which is great .

I did pay privately for them and had them adjusted by the audiologist when I went for a follow up appt and he was very patient until they were right. I have to change the tiny inner piece and silicone bit that lives in your ear about every 2 months and notice that sound goes down a bit just before I do that.

It takes a bit of getting used to (had them since last Nov) and they made my ears itch a lot for a while but that has got better with time.

you can use some lubricating cream the sell it at the audiologist or in any chemist for around £5 a tube, last ages, you need very little. I use it every day as I also get hay fever in my ears and the aids make it worse. I have had aids since I was 40, so exactly 40 years now.

I do try to speak loudly but it makes me sound cross.
Do I just ignore him?

No you learn to project hopefully if he realises you are willing to try he will too.

He can get a one to one for his hearing aids there are several of them, you both wear a microphone and it is as clear as his telephone. Mine is a Roger Pen, but it depends on the make of his hearing aid and what the supplier has available. Not cheap but worth every penny. Does your husband speak with other people, I never saw you answer when someone else asked that question. I am one of the few GNs who sympathises with your husband I know how frustrating it is not to be able to hear when people do not project or mumble. You must always face your husband and speak clearly and slowly or he has no chance with or without hearing aids.

silverlining48

I have newish aids too, and what I hear is tinny and distorted and much too loud. I wore them every day for a few hours but found they make my ears itch terribly, so they are back in their boxes fir now,
My dh and friends get irritated with me that I don’t use them, but I would, if only they helped.
I might try again this afternoon.

You need to wear them all day every day or you will never get used to the loudness, you can turn them down anyway but do not turn down too much as your brain will never get used to them. The new digital NHS hearing aids are the best ever and out is such a joy to be able to hear directly through bluetooth on the phone and iPad, if only my computer was blue Tooth too.nPersevere but if they are not right go back again and again, it is in everyones interest you can socialise. Loneliness is the biggest cause of dementia, and you are very lonely and isolated if you can't hear. To the OP I would say, compromise speak slowly face your husband and project help him to hear you in return he wears his aids. you are both going to have to help each other. My partner was wonderful he would repeat and repeat as many times as I needed and never got irritable. Your lives will be so much more fulfilled but you both have to try.

This sounds like my DH before he got hearing aids. He used to complain that I mumbled, but nobody has ever said that about me before (or since). When he first got his aids he would take them off as soon as he got home from work, which made me feel as though he just didn’t want to talk to me. But these days he wears them nearly all the time, which is so much better. I can always tell if he’s forgotten to put them in as he’s unresponsive to anything I say. I really hope you can get your DH to start to wear his aids soon.

Another one with a deaf husband here. The annoying part for me is that he continually shouts my name from another room and can’t hear a reply so expects me to go to where he is shouting from. I have just stopped responding to the shouts. If he wants to speak to me he can come to the room I am in. Then he can lip read the conversation. His hearing aids are very fancy but wax buildup gives problems.
The funniest thing was one day as he was leaving the house I said “Don’t forget your hat.” His reply was “You are not so slim yourself”.

Oh, dear, oh, dear! We can all sympathize, but not one of us can suggest a helpful solution.

The woman who can, will make a fortune if she takes out a patent on her idea!

If he is really being as difficult as you say and you have no reason to suppose any underlying medical problems, physical or mental. Just stop talking to him, make joint decisions for yourself and if he complains. respond in writing, saying, 'if you will not wear your hearing aids, or get them adjusted so that is possible, there is no point in me speaking to you as you cannot hear.'

loopyloo

I have found a free app called Live transcribe that shows what you are saying.
Not perfect but find it very useful.
The newer nhs hearing aids are better.

DH does have new NHS ones but they're probably the basic ones - until he complains about them! It's taken years to get this far.

petra

Allira
Exactly the same here 😡 To such an extent I’m having to train my brain into just accepting that this is how it is.

It's unpredictable. Sometimes I shout and then realise he's wearing the hearing aids. (Mostly not, though!)

Another deaf Dh here who won’t wear his aids and gets cross .
Not a naturally chatty man anyway so withdraws from conversation .

After his stroke he’s having speech therapy and the lady told him to chat and converse as much as possible. Some hope!
Telephone conversations are a no go too.
As you say Petra we have to accept ‘that is how it is’ 😤

Allira
Exactly the same here 😡 To such an extent I’m having to train my brain into just accepting that this is how it is.

Allira I did download that app and it's brilliant. Ideal for occasional use when necessary at the Care Home. Not ideal for everyday use though or instead of a good hearing aid. The man I had to use it for yesterday has hearing aids but they are more than 20 years old and he won't countenance a change even though they are next to useless!

I can adjust the volume on mine . Things were very loud to start with. Mine are connected by Bluetooth to my phone and when I answer my phone I hear the call through them which is great .

I did pay privately for them and had them adjusted by the audiologist when I went for a follow up appt and he was very patient until they were right. I have to change the tiny inner piece and silicone bit that lives in your ear about every 2 months and notice that sound goes down a bit just before I do that.

It takes a bit of getting used to (had them since last Nov) and they made my ears itch a lot for a while but that has got better with time.

Aveline

Thanks Loopyloo. That app will be v useful in the care home.
Very difficult, frustrating and sad situation for the OP. No easy answers.

Yes, I can sympathise although in this house it's more very loud conversations than silence.
DH says I speak too quietly then, if I raise my voice, I'm shouting. He mishears a lot then gets annoyed because he thinks I've said something I didn't.

Thanks Loopyloo. That app will be v useful in the care home.
Very difficult, frustrating and sad situation for the OP. No easy answers.

I too have NHS digital aids. At first I found them too loud and the sound was distorted but I just pulled them out very slightly which helped a lot.

My aids are connected to my phone via Bluetooth which means that they still work normally when not on a call. Have you tried decreasing/increasing the volume? Mine can be controlled either by an app or a button on my phone.

I have newish aids too, and what I hear is tinny and distorted and much too loud. I wore them every day for a few hours but found they make my ears itch terribly, so they are back in their boxes fir now,
My dh and friends get irritated with me that I don’t use them, but I would, if only they helped.
I might try again this afternoon.

Ex dancer, hello. I always thought my dh was an only child, but he must have a twin because you are describing my dh to a tee.
He is addicted to his aids though, wears them every day, they are connected by blue tooth to his phone which he is connected to most of the time which means he seems to hear nothing I say.
You have my sympathy.

DH has a new hearing aid.
He says everything's too loud now so doesn't like wearing it. !

Frustrating.