When to give up looking.

Georgesgran

You’ve had a couple of ‘goes’ at marriage, with what, at each time, must have been hoped as permanent partners. Sadly, for whatever reason, both have ended. Then chuck in a few LTRs and you’ve had a lot more than most of us on here.
Now, perhaps it’s time to sit back and reflect on your life and work out what happened and just why you need a man to feel happy?

Don’t forget as we get older, there’s a chance of being a nurse or a purse!

Nurse, or purse 😂 never heard that before.
Most fellas probably want looking after!

I never set out to look for a partner and encountered my husband more or less by accident. We were together 47 years and after my husband died I had no thought of trying to "find" another partner. At nearly 70, I just assumed that my life would be alone henceforth and was learning to enjoy my own company.
The new partner who stole into my life was like me: widowed, enjoyed his own company and pleasing himself and would never have dreamed of actively seeking a new relationship.
Quite by chance, we met through a mutual friend and I was able to help him with a project he was working on. We became friends and it took a long time for the relationship to evolve into a deep and lasting love. We both regard the relationship as permanent although we see no point in getting married. We each maintain our own home and chosen lifestyle while spending as much time together as we are able and talking on the phone and texting when we can't be together.
We both know that, in our mid 70s and with long term medical conditions we may have to rethink our living arrangements if one of us needs to care for the other but, whichever of us dies first, I can't imagine the survivor actively hunting for another partner.
I don't necessarily think marrages are made in heaven but I do think that good life partnerships just happen and can't be sought out and created.

I’ve been a widow for a long time - much longer than I was married - and can honestly say that I am much happier than I think I would be if I were still married. I’m not really made for compromise. I’m never lonely because I have a lot of interests. I can eat what I like when I like, do what I like. I’m glad, on the whole, that I was married, and certainly glad I have my sons (in their 50s now), but I can see no advantage whatsoever in being married at this stage of my life.

I think that I finally gave up aged 70 .
I started to feel generally unwell and frankly find men exhausting .
A guy asked me out a few months ago .
Intrigued by his glowing account of himself I googled him and was shocked to find that he's had to dissolve countless businesses and owes a great deal of money in taxes .
Prior to meeting him I went out with two thoroughly unpleasant men .
There's a couple of guys at church and I'm finding them rather moody and unpredictable.
I'd love to meet someone ,but as time passes I think it very unlikely.
Everyone is different.
You might meet someone just when you don't expect it .
I wish you lots of luck .

Although I feel quite lonely at times as a widow, I would not actively seek a partner. I would love some companionship, but am not up for a sexual relationship at this stage of my life and with my bladder problems!

Also I gave my all to dealing with and caring for a very sick husband for years and realistically at our age anyone I might find is likely to need help and care at some stage. I do not have it in me to do all that again, especially now my health is so poor.

My husband died five years ago. We had a wonderful marriage. Ups and downs, of course, but I loved being with him and he loved being with me.
I certainly do not want anyone else. For one thing, after 57 years of marriage, having to adapt to another man’s ‘little ways’ would be a step too far for me.
I am finding that I enjoy my own company, and that of my family when they visit which they do regularly.
I got married at the age of 20, straight from living with my parents, and had never lived alone. I really enjoy being alone now which is surprising because I loved being married. My husband encouraged me to do what I liked and go where I liked when we weren’t doing things together, so I never felt trapped or restricted. Maybe that’s why?
I do enjoy making my decisions without having to discuss them with anyone, and have discovered I am quite independent. I am happy sorting out my finances, although I have some rentals so it’s not straightforward. I am ok for money and I have now got a lovely flat with a sea view. My husband loved his garden, so we always had a house, which was fine, but when he died, I really fancied a flat!
BUT …… I would give all that up tomorrow if I could just have my lovely husband back!

AGAA4 I'm with you. Been on my own nearly 5 years ...widowed...and couldn't replace my other half.
The thought of being with another man in any way,shape or form would make me feel guilty 😔

Georgesgran

You’ve had a couple of ‘goes’ at marriage, with what, at each time, must have been hoped as permanent partners. Sadly, for whatever reason, both have ended. Then chuck in a few LTRs and you’ve had a lot more than most of us on here.
Now, perhaps it’s time to sit back and reflect on your life and work out what happened and just why you need a man to feel happy?

Don’t forget as we get older, there’s a chance of being a nurse or a purse!

Very true.
I don’t think I would want to start over with someone new if DP was no longer around.

Startingover61

I divorced 8 years ago after a very long marriage and had no intention of dating ever again. I started volunteering for a local charity about 2 years ago and hit it off with another of the volunteers. We began seeing each other 6 months ago and are both very content with our relationship. We each have our own homes and see/speak to each other most days, but neither of us wants to marry again. This state of affairs suits both of us. I'd never use a dating website as a way of finding a lifelong partner as I've seen too many others try this way and end up disappointed. Also, my ex uses dating websites (he did so even when we were married) and I wouldn't want to meet anyone like him! If I hadn't met my new partner, I'd have been happy on my own. It just so happened that we did meet, and we like doing things together.

That sounds perfect really😃

Lathyrus3

I’m not sure I was ever actively looking for a partner, even when I was young. I just enjoyed the company of whoever came along - until I didn’t.

It was pretty much the same after I was widowed. Now I find that really a short time with any man is more than enough. They need so much attention and they don’t listen.🙄

Id really rather be reading my book or gardening.😬

They’re a bit like cats really 😁

I divorced 8 years ago after a very long marriage and had no intention of dating ever again. I started volunteering for a local charity about 2 years ago and hit it off with another of the volunteers. We began seeing each other 6 months ago and are both very content with our relationship. We each have our own homes and see/speak to each other most days, but neither of us wants to marry again. This state of affairs suits both of us. I'd never use a dating website as a way of finding a lifelong partner as I've seen too many others try this way and end up disappointed. Also, my ex uses dating websites (he did so even when we were married) and I wouldn't want to meet anyone like him! If I hadn't met my new partner, I'd have been happy on my own. It just so happened that we did meet, and we like doing things together.

I’m just back from a Matinee. It was a great production and so much fun.

Then afterwards I thought, no I don’t want to cook tonight, so I had dinner n the little Italian with a glass of wine and wandered back home through the park.

Now I’m on the lounger in the garden enjoying the last of the sun and dallying with the ipad.

Oh the bliss of freedom and not having to take somebody else into account.

Wasn't interested in trying yet again to find a partner,companion, someone to be there for me, and.me him Maybe this is because it isn't so important to you any more, so now is the time to visualise your life going forwards as a single person, which isn't second-best, as posts above show.
If someone does come along maybe you'll change your mind, but till then, enjoy the freedom that comes with being single.

'I'd really rather be reading my book or gardening'

I probably do too, to be honest @Lathyrus3

I used to do a lot of on-line dating when it was still fairly new.

I met two men I was with for a few years (separately, obviously!) and the last one we bought a house together and I thought that was it- we'd be together for ever.

It didn't work out that way though and that was eight years ago.

I have been on my own ever since and never give 'finding' someone else a second thought.

It just gets too complicated and I've decided I prefer a simple sort of life- just pleasing myself really and enjoying friends and family.

You’ve had a couple of ‘goes’ at marriage, with what, at each time, must have been hoped as permanent partners. Sadly, for whatever reason, both have ended. Then chuck in a few LTRs and you’ve had a lot more than most of us on here.
Now, perhaps it’s time to sit back and reflect on your life and work out what happened and just why you need a man to feel happy?

Don’t forget as we get older, there’s a chance of being a nurse or a purse!

Why do you need someone else to feel whole and happy?
I have been on my own for many years and content with my life. The last thing I would want would be another man now.

My last partner was removed from my life by me 27 years ago I have no interest or need to spoil my nice peaceful life with another

I’m not sure I was ever actively looking for a partner, even when I was young. I just enjoyed the company of whoever came along - until I didn’t.

It was pretty much the same after I was widowed. Now I find that really a short time with any man is more than enough. They need so much attention and they don’t listen.🙄

Id really rather be reading my book or gardening.😬

A friend of mine met someone on a cruise when she was 70 and married him a couple of years later, she ended up as his carer so it doesn’t always work out later in life.

I think it is often better to use dating sites as a way of meeting people for outings rather than looking for a permanent partner , I suppose it depends on why you want someone permanent.

There is no right or wrong answer to your question of when and what age, does one give up trying to find a permanent partner. It is very much up to the individual and what they are looking for and willing to give to a new relationship. Do you want to carry on regardless or are you ready to embrace your life the way it is without a Partner?