Husband retired and needs entertaining 🫣

Is he grieving for his work and the satisfaction it brought him? That can be a real thing. You don't mention what he did for a living, but maybe there could be something connected with that which would engage him.
Meanwhìle, do not pander to his expectation that you should entertain him. You need yòur own friends and interests.

Oreo

Lesley60

My husband has taken up metal detecting and rambling, it gets him out and keeps him fit at the same time, he also enjoys the interaction with other men in the groups and I get to have a bit of me time even if he does come home with bits of tat and I pretend to be interested in it 😂

Show him the series Detectorists if you can find it on tv.He should love it, I do and it did make me think about doing it as a hobby when I retire.

Put metal detector on the 'possible' list for Father Christmas 😁

I'd rather like one in fact. 🤔

Allira

butterandjam

We both always had interests and friends outside work, family and home home, some interests shared, some not. Some friends and social groups shared, others separate.

How on earth has your DH "entertained himself" all his working life?

You are not his mother; its far too late now to start arranging his playdates and activities as if he's a little boy.

How on earth has your DH "entertained himself" all his working life?

Not everyone had 9-5 jobs at home.
Some worked away, travelled, often overseas.

My husband never worked 9 to 5. His job included worldwide travel, usually at little notice, anything from a so-called "day trip" (5 am departure, home at midnight, for a two hour meeting anywhere in Europe) to weeks away in the far east, frequent trips to and all over the USA.

endless flights and hotels are as boring as hell. Those frequent separations were perhaps one of the incentives for both of us to cultivate other interests ; for him, ones that he could pursue anywhere in the world . His ingrained habits of mental stimulation and physical activity make him still very active and interesting in old age.

For me, ones I could follow as the frequently solo adult anchor of home, children and livestock . Neither of us ever saw ourselves as defined by what we did to earn a living, so when we retired it just meant more time to do what we like.

Oreo

cc

My husband retired almost 20 years ago now, just a couple of years after me. We moved from our family home, settled the children, and then renovated our new house which took up quite a lot of his time. We've moved again to a much smaller place, now renovated, which he's happy to clean. He also does the dishwasher whilst I do the shopping and cooking.
We just potter about, he likes to keep up with the current news on YouTube and I faff about on my computer. We have season tickets to several large local parks and try to take a decent walk there once a week.
I've recently started going to the gym (alone) two or three times a week for 45 minutes or so but he doesn't really go out to do things by himself, prefering to stay in listening to the radio or playing his keyboard (through headphone!) most days.
We rub along very nicely, listening to a couple of hours of TV series every evening.

Sounds lovely to me.

Thank you Oreo, we love our life!

Allira

butterandjam

We both always had interests and friends outside work, family and home home, some interests shared, some not. Some friends and social groups shared, others separate.

How on earth has your DH "entertained himself" all his working life?

You are not his mother; its far too late now to start arranging his playdates and activities as if he's a little boy.

How on earth has your DH "entertained himself" all his working life?

Not everyone had 9-5 jobs at home.
Some worked away, travelled, often overseas.

Yes, my husband often worked away, usually overseas. He's always been used to entertaining himself and doesn't need me to do it for him! He's actually also quite happy not doing very much at all. Neither of us feel the urge to keep ourselves busy during all our waking houses.

cc

My husband retired almost 20 years ago now, just a couple of years after me. We moved from our family home, settled the children, and then renovated our new house which took up quite a lot of his time. We've moved again to a much smaller place, now renovated, which he's happy to clean. He also does the dishwasher whilst I do the shopping and cooking.
We just potter about, he likes to keep up with the current news on YouTube and I faff about on my computer. We have season tickets to several large local parks and try to take a decent walk there once a week.
I've recently started going to the gym (alone) two or three times a week for 45 minutes or so but he doesn't really go out to do things by himself, prefering to stay in listening to the radio or playing his keyboard (through headphone!) most days.
We rub along very nicely, listening to a couple of hours of TV series every evening.

Sounds lovely to me.

Lesley60

My husband has taken up metal detecting and rambling, it gets him out and keeps him fit at the same time, he also enjoys the interaction with other men in the groups and I get to have a bit of me time even if he does come home with bits of tat and I pretend to be interested in it 😂

Show him the series Detectorists if you can find it on tv.He should love it, I do and it did make me think about doing it as a hobby when I retire.

My husband retired almost 20 years ago now, just a couple of years after me. We moved from our family home, settled the children, and then renovated our new house which took up quite a lot of his time. We've moved again to a much smaller place, now renovated, which he's happy to clean. He also does the dishwasher whilst I do the shopping and cooking.
We just potter about, he likes to keep up with the current news on YouTube and I faff about on my computer. We have season tickets to several large local parks and try to take a decent walk there once a week.
I've recently started going to the gym (alone) two or three times a week for 45 minutes or so but he doesn't really go out to do things by himself, prefering to stay in listening to the radio or playing his keyboard (through headphone!) most days.
We rub along very nicely, listening to a couple of hours of TV series every evening.

My husband has been retired for many years - now 79 - and has mobility issues so is limited. He has never really had specific hobbies and seems to resent it if I go out to my activities in our village. He does nothing in the house.

I worried about my husband if he was the one left on his own without friends or activities outside the home. I got him involved in the local u3a and a quiz group. At first he would only go to things I was going to. Eventually, however, he joined different groups from me as not all our interests are the same. I suggested he joined the u3a committee when they were looking for members. Now he’s into his third year as chair and enjoying it. He also goes to quiz evenings without me when I can’t go. We have friends who do absolutely everything together and I do wonder what will happen when inevitably one of them is no longer around.

ruthiek

Dragonfky46 - a golf course is where he has retired from!! And he calls golf a good walk spoilt lol, honestly he is not a misery and I did fear this would happen as all his life he was 100% involved in football both playing and running , however when he walked away that was it!
You have all given ME some wonderful ideas now it’s down to me to try and get him to find something . He is not a joiner as such but maybe now it’s the time to change . Part of me feels he knew it was time to leave the golf course but he is missing the banter etc .

Can he not volunteer around the place?

Ps what about Walking Football or Walking Cricket? Both great fun

My OH is 71 and the allotment has saved us both, me from throttling him as he would be sofa bound without it, and saved his mental health
We keep Friday and the weekend free for our time together ! I have asked to come with me to the gym and to choir but he refuses so I do my own thing!! He cooks on Wednesday or buys us dinner ! We do go away together on holiday or for short breaks!
We accept that we have our own lives to lead and I have to accept his energy levels do not match mine despite him being 4 years my junior!
My advice is that your husband will find his way but you must not lose your own identity here ! Keep your friends and activities

Dragonfky46 - a golf course is where he has retired from!! And he calls golf a good walk spoilt lol, honestly he is not a misery and I did fear this would happen as all his life he was 100% involved in football both playing and running , however when he walked away that was it!
You have all given ME some wonderful ideas now it’s down to me to try and get him to find something . He is not a joiner as such but maybe now it’s the time to change . Part of me feels he knew it was time to leave the golf course but he is missing the banter etc .

My husband has taken up metal detecting and rambling, it gets him out and keeps him fit at the same time, he also enjoys the interaction with other men in the groups and I get to have a bit of me time even if he does come home with bits of tat and I pretend to be interested in it 😂

Why does OP feel she has to find things for him to do?
Yes, he is retired now but so are many women and they don’t need organising.
Tell him to sort himself out, pointing him perhaps in a direction or two, but it’s not down to a wife to organise “entertainment” for her husband!

GANNET

Davida1968

I'd encourage DH to get to grips with modern technology. 74 is young; he could have another 20 years (or more) of active life ahead. (IMO being able to use modern technology is crucial for keeping a person up to date with what's going on in tbe world, and linking socially with other people, epecially with the younger generation.) Various places offer introductory courses for retired persons, e.g. local libraries.

I agree with the sentiment and he does need to embrace technology but 74 at retirement is far from young!

Oh yes, I forgot that.
DH went on a course organised by the Council. It wasn't just for older people, there were several young people on the course too. This was a few years ago.

Davida1968

I'd encourage DH to get to grips with modern technology. 74 is young; he could have another 20 years (or more) of active life ahead. (IMO being able to use modern technology is crucial for keeping a person up to date with what's going on in tbe world, and linking socially with other people, epecially with the younger generation.) Various places offer introductory courses for retired persons, e.g. local libraries.

I agree with the sentiment and he does need to embrace technology but 74 at retirement is far from young!

When my DH retired I marched him up to the local golf course. He never looked back.

Retired65

Try to see if there is a Probus group near you,

Oh yes!

They need Committe member too, usually ....
But they do have nice lunches and outings sometimes, womenfolk invited!

So, Ruthiek, I think the answer is to point out a few things, based on his interests, that he might like to do and then leave him to think he thought of it himself!

And be prepared, when he discovers great enthusiasm for these new interests and activities, to listen all about them, trying to stay attentive with a smile on your face 😂

Try to see if there is a Probus group near you,

I had made a plan for my retirement so eased into it easily ( I used to run Pre-Retirement courses so took my own advice). I did a bit of self employed work for a while and volunteered two days a week. However, I could not get DH to even think about what he wanted to do so, come day one, he was like a lost soul! I was worried about him and cut back on my activities so that we could do a few things together but I continued to drip feed ideas of things he might like to do. He was adamant that he didn’t want to do anything connected to his previous work so, as he enjoyed working outside, I suggested a few volunteering activities he might like but all I got was “I’ll think about it”. Then one day to my amazement he said he’d signed up to volunteer with a local countryside group, clearing footpaths, installing stiles etc. They would all go for lunch afterwards and he really enjoyed it and made some new friends. Sadly, Covid and then some health issues got in the way as they did with me but we still have busy lives one way or another.
So, Ruthiek, I think the answer is to point out a few things, based on his interests, that he might like to do and then leave him to think he thought of it himself!

the first thing is not to give up the life you have made for yourself. You are now equal partners at home , and you should not be doing all the chores or even setting the pattern out as to what and when things are done. He now has the chance to make up his own timetable, and in the meantime , if I was you, I would look at my own timetable and see what is enjoyable, what is just boring or necessary jobs and what has to be done. Then my own idea was looking at things that we didnt mind doing and so I preferred doing most of the garden myself, and we both were quite good cooks, but between a bad back and finding it very boring anyway, I do not like supermarket shopping, but can enjoy open market shopping. Then we devised a major shopping list of stuff to compare with and my husband used to do that, go and get the stuff AND put it all away. In the meantime I usually got the washer going, put stuff out on the line etc. He thought that was a waste of time but I love the smell of freshly dried stuff from outside and cheaper than putting a drier on. So we worked out what suited each of us and were happier doing that. I enjoyed at last being able to cook some new and unusual dishes rather than the constant what shall we eat each day, so we amicably sorted jobs out, and the great thing was it allowed me to carry on with choir, and meeting friends etc plus having some time for us to do things together. Especially at this time of year, whatever plans that had been made, a sunny day meant ignoring the cleaning or whatever I had planned and make the most of the good weather. If he seems unable to make any suggestions, then look at your normal things so say you always have coffee with friends on tuesday morning and swim on thursday afternoon, if he says lets go shopping or whatever, just say in a calm voice, oh no I am out then, we could leave it for another day , or better still you get whatever is required and we will have our spare time free for swimming or whatever. DONT allow yourself to be the person who works out for him what to do, nor assume the organiser of what you will eat or do, now there are two of you. If all else fails then perhaps doing a day at a time each, to begin with. so if you have done all the food etc on monday and on tuesday he says what are we having, you just say I dont know dear it is up to you and go on and do what you want to do. That way after a week or two he should get the message and perhaps you can then get down to talking about how you would like to go on with things. If it starts to creep back to all being down to you, then have a look for a course for a few days that you would like to go on, book it and go, and he will then have to sort his own things out until you come back.When you return, tell him what a lovely course it was and ask if he has had a pleasant time, but dont list what you think he should or could have done. Let him tell you. He will get the message eventually.

Petra

... about 4 times a year my partner goes away for 4/5 days with his hobby/ pastime.

Mine too! Bliss 😊