Unfaithful husband?

You need to take the items down and talk about them to your husband. If that’s not feasible to you, then the relationship needs a lot of attention. You and he need to talk - no one on this forum, or any other, can really help you, as we don’t know you.

Also, I have to say I think you’ve made all this up to provoke a few old buddies into reacting………….sounds like codswallop to me.

So there - two different responses for you.

You haven't commented on my suggestion of giving the cup and saucer to your cleaner as a 'thank you' when you husband's there Clare. You'll be able to gauge from their reaction if there's anything going on.

ClareAB

Someone commented about the fact that putting this on an online forum rather than dealing with it in real life was a bit sad. They're not wrong. But he is on all my social media, this is the only place I post anonymously. And, I'm at that stage of being shocked, wishing I didn't find anything and not ready to confide in my nearest and dearest yet, because once I do, this shit gets real and I have to face it. Does that make sense.

ClareAB: you may believe this is anonymous but it is
very specific in parts and no one knows who is listening.

The Daily Mail for instance.

or you could smash the china to bits with the cane, that should make you feel a whole lot better

You could give him the cup and the cleaner the cane? Oh no, that's just too weird.

You could alway frisk him for evidence of a good caning after the cleaner has left

But ClareAB you’re jumping well ahead and letting your writers head weave a story that may or may not be true.
Surely you need more information /proof before you accuse either him or her Letting your writers brain plan on leaving your home and moving somewhere else, on pretty much no information is madness. Don’t you think ?
You haven’t answered who s house it is that you ve been renovating for 8 years and is your dream home ….but already planning on moving away from without any proof so far !!!!

I get that it sounds dramatic, possibly an over reaction... it's the juxtaposition of the 2 things, the beautiful cup and the cane hidden on top of a cupboard... I know my husband pretty well. I don't know if the betrayal of the cleaner, who like me lost her mum when she was going, she's 41 and worked with us for 8 years and has become a valued friend and confident. Or so I thought. I'm feeling to be honest.

If you think there is something going on with the cleaner
( which my imagination doesnt go that far) and you are very friendly with the cleaner why not give her the boxed up cup as a nice surprise present and put the cane in the bin then
he ll have to start all over again if he is doing anything with anybody and he ll know you know without you saying anything.

Sorry to say this but it seems a huge over reaction to be leaving your dream cottage because of an idea you’re had ….with no proof whatsoever

Whose house is it ? Yours, his or joint ?

Seek professional help immediately. You certainly need it.

Someone commented about the fact that putting this on an online forum rather than dealing with it in real life was a bit sad. They're not wrong. But he is on all my social media, this is the only place I post anonymously. And, I'm at that stage of being shocked, wishing I didn't find anything and not ready to confide in my nearest and dearest yet, because once I do, this shit gets real and I have to face it. Does that make sense.

The cup and saucer are in a box, with styrofoam, and was right on top of cupboards in the utility room, where I would normally never reach as I'm quite short. When I opened it and saw it, my first reaction was L (cleaner/friend) will love this, then I saw the cane, and my heart sunk. It's the betrayal I'm really struggling with. She came last friday, and we had a cuppa together, and she was moaning about her husband, and I was listening and giving effing marriage advice. I feel like such a fool.

. . . . . and then I woke up and it was all a dream.

Hopefully.

He's probably got a corporal punishment kink and might be fixated on the cleaner. I'd break the cane in half and confront him about it.

Lordy. Run 🏃‍♀️, don't walk! He's not worthy.

Once you take action, you'll be fine. Good luck.

ClareAB
Isn't the old adage truth is stronger than fiction...I wish you well for the future

Thank you. It's going to be a tough year ahead. Walking away from my dream cottage I've spent 8 years renovating as my home for life is gonna be a wrench. But it feels like a gilded cage now. Im not frightened to have a small house and income. I bought up 3 boys on my own on a nurses salary. I now have 3 gorgeous granddaughters. So I'm walking towards independence and peace. It will be fine ultimately ✊️

BlueBelle

ClareAB I too doubted your post it all seemed very far fetched You say you are a writer so perhaps it is far fetched !

Only way you ll know is if you get it down and give it to the recipient yourself as a present, or show it to your husband and say this isn’t mine, what’s it doing up there ?
As for the cane if he’s 78 and impotant I’m not sure what good it is unless it’s been up there since the days when you did have sex just never used

Do you really think a 78 impotant man is going to be having kinky sex with a cleaner young enough to be his daughter and who just comes in to clean a few hours a week !!! When would they ‘do it’ ?

I do not think hes capable of having penetrative sex with anyone. However he does have a sadistic streak, and fantasies about having a slave. So he would get a kick out of her being submissive to him ie caning her then petting her. Then giving her a present as a reward. It's all a game but twisted and not my thing. We sleep in separate rooms as I have sleep apnea and he is a light sleeper. After finding the cup and the cane, I checked his bedside table, there was a pack of 4 viagra with one missing. I am feeling here... he's 78 and wears nappies as he is incontinent of urine. My mind can't take it in. And all the mocking from Grans on here has been bloody horrible. Like being bullied in the school yard.

Grannynannywanny

Apologies ClareAB. I didn’t mean to be unkind . Like others I was doubting if it was a serious post then your 2nd post crossed with my stupid one.

Sorry 💐

Thank you. I'm devastated. Second marriage. However I'm 61 next month, and I'll be damned if I'm going to carry on like this. I only have a few years left. At least I can afford to buy a little place on my own. Which will be lovely, I've had dependents and looked after people for 40 years. I'm not going to spend another few precious years with a dirty old man who basically wants me as a unpaid servant and nurse. I have absolutely had it. Rant over.

No Clare, I am serious----I mean it. You have the gift of writing.

ClareAB I too doubted your post it all seemed very far fetched You say you are a writer so perhaps it is far fetched !

Only way you ll know is if you get it down and give it to the recipient yourself as a present, or show it to your husband and say this isn’t mine, what’s it doing up there ?
As for the cane if he’s 78 and impotant I’m not sure what good it is unless it’s been up there since the days when you did have sex just never used

Do you really think a 78 impotant man is going to be having kinky sex with a cleaner young enough to be his daughter and who just comes in to clean a few hours a week !!! When would they ‘do it’ ?

Do carry on Clare--you have the beginnings of a good comedy there. A series on TV m or maybe even find a publisher for your book.

Have not been on GN long and am surprised that posters are being so scathing and unkind to this person. If you think it is just a made up post ignore it and move on, but on the chance it is a genuine post better to just treat it as such and reply accordingly.
Am glad I haven’t experienced this kind of response from so many members, I probs would have given the site a miss.

Re my post above ... your husband I should have said!

Why do mistakes never show until the text is seen against a pink background?

ClareAB

I’m surprised by how unkind this became. The mockery, sexualisation and ridicule feels like a Mean Girls pile-on rather than adults talking. I came here in good faith at a time when I'm looking at the end of my marriage and all that entails. I have great women friends in my life, and made the mistake that as Grans very little can shock us. Well I am shocked at the nastiness here. Has gransnet been taken over by MAGA or American Christian Nationalists?

Hi there, I apologise, I see you are not a new poster!

Your post unfortunately follows the format of a lot of scam posts.

Are you implying there is something going on with him and the cleaner?
Are they ever alone together?
Could you “set them up” ie go out and then return earlier than planned?

Your previous threads indicate your husband is not always an easy man, do you feel you could approach him regarding this?