Husbands behaviour

This is very irritating, but if you know you didn't say or do what he claims I would tend to ignore it, annoying though it is.

Before the end of my last relationship we went for couple's counselling where my ex proceeded to say things about me which weren't true.

Not quite the final straw but needless to say we are no longer together!

Is this different behaviour from when you're at home? A month away seems a long time if you have relationship problems- less opportunity to escape from each other!

Are there other things your husband is getting wrong consistently, if so would worry about his mental state and arrange to see a GP upon your return. But if he has always done this you need to have a serious conversation about it and say it has to stop, because life is too short to put up with these shenanigans.

Fallingstar

Are there other things your husband is getting wrong consistently, if so would worry about his mental state and arrange to see a GP upon your return. But if he has always done this you need to have a serious conversation about it and say it has to stop, because life is too short to put up with these shenanigans.

Exactly this!

Hi everyone im new here and to all this. I'm married for 32 years aged 59. Husband 59 will be 60 this year. Things have got progressively worse over the past few months and he had a breakdown saying he was unhappy confused and felt very low. Depression and anxiety was diagnosed but I felt there was alot more to this. Cut the story short this week it came to light that as I expected he has grown very close to a very much younger work colleague and after finding messages on WhatsApp and printed them off, this has grown into a full blown emotional affair/Relationship. She is 30 years younger with 2 small children. He has been lying to me, discussing all our personal details of our marriage and belittling me. He has been to her house, buying her gifts and her children. Its sickening the things I have read. I am absolutely devastated as I knew there was something else. It hasn't been an intimate relationship he is obsessed and fatuated by her and constantly messaging her and wanting to chat or see her. I have told him to leave home and he is goig to stay with a friend as this is making me ill for the past 2 months. We need space from each other. Has anyone else been in this situation and any advise would be great.

MummyK I am so sorry you are going through this- I think you have made the right decision in showing him the door.

I think you need some supportive people around you- do you have children together? It doesn't sound like it but I think the more people who know and care for you is really important.

Esoecally do not blame yourself- this man has behaved disgracefully and treated you abominably. You do not deserve this.

You need to take this one day at a time- get some legal advice regarding your home and treat yourself a little.

You have done the right thing coming here but you do need support from those closest to you.

MummyK

Hi everyone im new here and to all this. I'm married for 32 years aged 59. Husband 59 will be 60 this year. Things have got progressively worse over the past few months and he had a breakdown saying he was unhappy confused and felt very low. Depression and anxiety was diagnosed but I felt there was alot more to this. Cut the story short this week it came to light that as I expected he has grown very close to a very much younger work colleague and after finding messages on WhatsApp and printed them off, this has grown into a full blown emotional affair/Relationship. She is 30 years younger with 2 small children. He has been lying to me, discussing all our personal details of our marriage and belittling me. He has been to her house, buying her gifts and her children. Its sickening the things I have read. I am absolutely devastated as I knew there was something else. It hasn't been an intimate relationship he is obsessed and fatuated by her and constantly messaging her and wanting to chat or see her. I have told him to leave home and he is goig to stay with a friend as this is making me ill for the past 2 months. We need space from each other. Has anyone else been in this situation and any advise would be great.

The uestion surely is why should your husband suddenly, after all these years suddenly start behaving like a love sick teenager. It doesn't sound like a 'normal' affair, rather odd in fact.

I just wondered, he is 60 this year, is he suddenly panicking about the onset of old age is this infatuation, and you are wise to see that it is an infatuation, almost the euivalent of a nervous breakdown, I suspect something will happen that will piere this bubble and he will feel very ashamed of himself and wonder what on earth he has been doing and why it happened and long to return to normal life with you.

It really sounds to me like someone looking back on youth that has gone and old age which faces him and simply had a hysterics.

FruFru Like others I am wondering whether this is something he has always done or just something he has started to do recently.

If it is a recently acuired behaviour, like others I would recommend a visit to his GP as it could be the first symptom of a range of medical problems from the trivial to the serious.

Frufru, I think a visit your your GP would not go amiss. Don't wish to scare you but dementia may be the cause of this. Dementia is far more than forgetting conversations, asking the same question again and again and losing things - those things are frustrating to witness but far worse is the inability to be rational , the false beliefs
( confabulation ) imagining things that haven't happened. Worth a GP visit if your husband will agree. My husband has Alzheimers Disease and sometimes says things that sound perfectly rational when I know he has imagined it and I begin to second guess myself!! and wonder ' is it me ? ' After over 50 years of marriage I find it very difficult to actually believe he has ' got it wrong "
On the other hand your husband may simply just be being difficult !

I'm afraid it happens all the time. Middle-aged men needing to reassure themselves of their virility become infatuated by young women who probably don't see them as lovers to begin with, just a kind understanding older "father figure".
Depending on how much you want to keep him, is what you decide to do.
He's been found out now.
Does she want him?
Does she have a partner?
I am sorry this is happening to you and you may well be able to keep him if you want to. He may realise he's being a lovesick fool.

This was to MummyK

I'm sorry for you too FruFru but it's a different situation.
I hope you find a solution.

Poor Fru Fru. Not only is her husband being a pain but her thread has been hijacked.

Bad manners all round💐

Do you know how to start a new thread MummyK? as replies to the OP are getting mixed. You could then ask GNHQ to remove your post from this thread.

MummyK please can you start a new thread with your opening post. If you dont know how to do this press the "Report" button on your first opening post and ask Gransnet to start a new thread for you.

I think both you and Fru Fru deserve our full attention and its getting very confusing.

Fru Fru denying your reality is abusive, but I would ask the same questions of others...

ie is it new or just really obvious now you are away together
If it is not new then you do indeed need to consider maybe with counselling how much you want to be together

If it is new, what others have wisely said, re possible changes in his mind and medical help/assessment.

MummyK. Start your own thread, This is FruFru’s asking for advice.

Doesn't look like Frufru is coming back to reclaim 'her' thread though...?

🤔