Sad and feel so let down by friend

REPORTED

Reported.

Thanks for your update on Saturday BelleDeJour- and positive that she has finally paid you back £30, with the aim of paying the rest next month. You've done the right thing in emphasising that she must and given her a reason why.

I wouldn't get too exercised about the Easter egg purchase-or that your "friend" has prioritised being in the good books of another friend ver paying you back.

You've got her measure- it just hurts of course. The advice remains the same, stick to your boundaries and self worth- the ball is well and truly in her court.

Personally I would reply to her email and tell her straight how you feel she has used you over the years and that not paying back the £100 is the last straw. Give her a date by which you want the money back and make a vague reference to ‘taking further action’. I guess you won’t do that but it might give her a shock.
Writing this would feel cathartic for you I think.
Move on and enjoy the company of your other friends.

I am afraid I would need to tell her. First of all ask about why she has not paid you back. Did she ever intend to? If you get it good but I doubt you will. I would then tell her how she has abused your friendship and trust. What will you miss, as you do the running, its not reciprocated and she is a scrounger. Are you not worth more than that. I wouldn't lend any more money to friends, it changes a relationship, I had to write a friends debt off, never seen her since and glad of it.

Thank you everyone, so much. I have an update. I messaged her again with my bank details (again!) and she has paid me back £30 and asked if I minded if she pays the rest next month which I said wad fine but that I must have it back as I would like to help my daughter out with some work she is having done to her house.

I then saw last night on Facebook my friend tagged in a post thanking my friend for a huge EASTER EGG that she has bought her! This friend is extremely wealthy and sometimes takes my friend on holiday with her (pays for her)! My friend often complains to me about this other friend and her aunt but then does something to get round them in my opinion because they may invite her on an expensive holiday or posh weekend away.

So, basically she has priorotised being in the good books of this other friend over paying me back. Can you believe some people?!

Yes, I should have ended the friendship long ago. I have backed away many times, for sure! But this has REALLY opened my eyes now!

I want to thank you all, so much.

Some friends are better than others. She is not a good one. It sounds like you have decided you have had enough of her. Of course you will feel sad about this, that is natural, she has been in your life for a very long time.
Ask again for your money to be repaid as many times as it takes to get it back then move on

Rewind to her child at your house until 11pm - no matter how fabulous her company is, imo you should have said I don't wish to continue the friendship then.

This is what they call a flaky friend (she is not your friend). With the lovely name you have on GN live up to it and free yourself of this person. You are worth so much more with your caring attitude. You will meet people who are worth your care and you will feel the difference. A bit like having a lovely drink which you enjoyed and not something that was a bit sour or flat which made you think was it me or the drink? It was the drink.

I would call her out. Ask why she hasn’t paid you back yet? Is it because of money troubles? Offer to be paid back in instalments. Hopefully this will persuade her to pay you back out of embarassment.

Once she does, drop her. She is definitely not a friend.

How do you deal with the sadness? It is grief. You thought you had something but then found it wasnt there so that is your feeling of loss. You cant end the sadness but you will carry it with you as a memory. Know that she lost a good friend and you did not.

You have been a kind friend and she will remember you but yes, put an end to this friendship. Let her know that she needn't pay you back the £100 because you would like her to consider it a special gift from you to her. Then never let her back into your life.

Sad as it is I think what has happened to you BelledeJour is not an uncommon occurrence probably at any age. As others have replied there are givers and takers in this world and sometimes we give ourselves up as being the 'givers' not only in practical ways but as emotional givers. This can be very draining as the empathy and emotion we give to others is not reciprocated. But I'm afraid it seems to be in our dna and it is difficult to stop but sometimes for our own emotional well being we have to stop! In your case you have given of your time and also now money. Try and cut this lady out of your life emotionally, maybe you can still enjoy fun times but on your terms. As for the £100 if you can afford it you may just have to lose it and put it down to experience!

I had a ‘friend’ like this once and it took a while to work out what she was. She won’t change, they never do. Walk away, move on and don’t answer any calls.

I agree with Cabbie21. Not a friend she's a user and likes to fel superior,and a bully!

Whatever are you doing being friends with this woman.You are better than this. Find new friends through interests and hobbies.She is a pain.

I think it is a waste of time to try and recoup the £100 she owes and if you can afford to lose it then do so.

What a vile piece of work she sounds, you are well rid of her.

I would not give up on the £100 at all! Either visit her if possible or phone her and say you've got tired of waiting for the money to be repaid and you really would like it now. If she says she can't afford it then give her your bank details again and ask her to set up a direct debit until it's paid. If this doesn't work then I would suggest ringing her house when you know her DH is there and speak to him saying you really need the money now and it's been overdue for a long time now and your friend doesn't seem able to pay, can he help?

Be sad, then be GLAD that you have finally realised that she is NOT a nice person. You sound like a nice person who deserves so much more. Let her keep the £100 if you can really afford to, and think it's a bargain to keep her out of your life from now on.

If you are sad at the loss of a 'friend' who has used you, then you need to give yourself an injection of healthy self-esteem. You are a kind person, she is a user (and a few other things besides). Move on - there are plenty of people out there who would love to have a kind friend like you.

Hi Belle -
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you .
Believe me ,you aren't the only one who has been used and disrespected .

If this so - called friend treats you like rubbish she does it to other friends as well .

Just walk away.
Find a friend who is worthy of you.

Good luck 🌷

Definitely a crap friend. I would be emailing her every Friday morning with a reminder about the money she owes you, I might be kind and offer to let her pay it off in two £50 instalments. I would mention that I do feel obliged to let mutual acquaintances know about the situation as I feel they should be warned never to lend this person any money.

Nothing new to add to excellent suggestions above. Only to emphasise what you yourself have said which is the sadness you feel. Acknowledge it, spell it out to yourself- the disappointment, the being used etc. She is a careless woman and has lost a good and generous friend. Walk away from the £100...it is worth the money to just draw a line under this connection. You deserve a whole lot more!

This women is not a friend and has used you and your good nature for years.

I would not let this friendships go any further and ignore her completely.

friends come and go. thats life, forget the money its not worth the hassle

You are not to blame because you thought that your definition of love and friendship is the same as hers. I’m sure she loves (and needs) you, but she has a lot of growing up to do. That £100 may be her way of keeping you locked in. She might be an extraordinary personality, I’ve known some, but as Joni Mitchell would say, “go with it, and stay with it, but be prepared to bleed.”