husband enmeshed with his mother

Why don't you book a surprise weekend away for you and DH, then contact MIL and suggests she'd like see him some other day in the week as he'll be away at the weekend.

Do not mention where you're going; that's a surprise for DH.
That way neither of them can book her a room to come with you.

And however she or DH respond/argue YOU go anyway, without him. When you come home, say you enjoyed your little break so much that in future, you will always be away from home at the weekend.

The feelings that you have expressed on here are entirely understandable.
However, the time that your DH sets aside for his mother is likely to increase as time moves along. That’s something that you possibly need to accept.
What is not said in your o/p is whether your DH has been alerted to how all of this is affecting you.
As a son, your DH has undeniably shown great loyalty to his mother which is to be admired, but when he set out on that particular path 15 years ago, he would not have realised how it might eventually cause difficulties for you as his wife - and despite your harsh words about DH on here, I’m sure that you accept that he is not deliberately trying to hurt you.

I suspect there is more to your problem than you have said. Is your husband's mind full all the time with concerns about the welfare of his mother? Does he talk non stop about her?

As a retired person weekends do nto really matter. Why not suggest trips away during the week? Places to visit are less crowded, accommodation more available and cheaper.Most retired people consider being able to stay home weekends and go away midweek one of the bonuses of being retired

It seems to me your idea of what a retirement ought to be is very rigid. How couples spend retirements varies enormously and most develop a pattern to suit themselves and any demand on their time.

Why not imagine how you would spend your time if you were on your own and then when your DH is with his mother go off and do those things. Tell your husband that you want some mid-week breaks with him and plan and present him with a fait-accompli.

You need to take your life into your own hands and effect change, not wait for others to do it for you.

You sound very frustrated and resentful and clearly upset by other peoples’ thoughtlessness.

I do wonder what is so special about Saturdays though?

As suggested by others could you find something to do for yourself on that day?

The finances need discussing between you.

He visits his mum once a week so not multiple occasions a week?
I would arrange to go away at the weekend and enjoy myself without him.
You can arrange activities during the week and it will probably be cheaper.
Turning up to a one bedroom flat when you had small children was insensitive.
Who was your father ignored by? Im not sure why this is relevant to your mil.

Sorry you’ve had this experience. It sounds frustrating and I can understand how sidelined in your marriage you must feel. Have you ever clearly communicated your feelings to your husband? Have you ever made plans for Saturdays and told him ahead of time so that he doesn’t plan to spend the day with his mum? If so, what was his response?

I think the Mother’s Day bit was selfish and thoughtless of your husband, but why not simply tell your children you prefer to spend it with them? Surely everyone would prioritize their own mum on that day. I’d have spoken up. He should be free to celebrate his mum and your children should celebrate their own if a joint celebration is not desirable.

Where I’d truly have drawn a hardline is finances. I am all for helping family, but nuclear family comes first. Finances impact the entire unit, not just one spouse. Major decisions should require a two-yes approach, so you would be wise to put your foot down in instances where his decisions impact you.

It has to be said: if you and your husband are 68 plus, his mum hasn’t got much time left here tbh. I would pick and choose which battles to fight considering the circumstances. Protect your peace by letting things go when you can, stick up for yourself in those really over-the-top situations where you can’t.

Phew, good to get all that off your chest then

Sorry I misread you DIL comment and for some reason thought she was pregnant! Senior moment!

That sounds both sad and frustrating.

All I can suggest is that you find something nice to do on those Saturdays and try and meet some new friends.

She does sound quite selfish, but I don’t think your husband is actually doing anything wrong.

Good luck and try and enjoy your grandchild