I'm really worried now. He's being very devious. He's buying the diet jabs secretly to lose weight. I accidentally saw the bruises on his stomach.
His mood swings have been scary lately. I'm called stupid etc, despite me doing all the financial side of things. He's quite a bit older than me. But I have needed two new hips so have been somewhat disabled for a while, which he said he didn't sign up for. He's been so nasty. Last night he shouted in an unguarded moment that he was getting organised to go. I think he means when he's slim again he'll be irritable to younger healthier women.
He's 5'4". 75 years old. Awfully wrinkled, tight as a ducks arse financially, counts every penny. He's also wealthy. My late mum said once, he knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Should I just stay quiet until he thinks he's lost enough weight to be irresistible, let him go and sort out the finances amicably. I'm sorely tempted just to be done with his mood swings.
I've a feeling some lady on his walks has been batting her eyelashes at him.
Also 250k is not great wealth between 2 people ??
I'm not understanding all this.
You sound more attached to the house and willing to put up with anything to stay there. ?
So if that's your choice you can't really complain about him. Because you could leave.
Legally split and get your share of the assets.
Or wait for him to pass away and inherit more than you'd get in a divorce ??
How can you be much younger if he is 75 and you've been married 50 years ?
I am in complete agreement with HeavenLeigh. Your husband's behaviour sounds like early dementia.
I would recommend that you talk to a solicitor as soon as possible. I do not mean that you instigate any action of any kind, but you need to know exactly what the legal situation is, should you need to take any action. He may recommend that you see a financial advisor as well.
The big plus on your side is that you run the money side of everything and presumably control all the documents. If your your husband is thinking he is going to walk off with all the money and leave you with nothing then he is already in cloud cuckoo land, whether he has dementia or not. Not to mention thinking that women will run after a wizened 75 year impotent old man just because he thinks he is rich and has lost weight
Vicious old man syndrome. I have seen this in action before. They will do and say everything to demolish the wife because they have not turned out in life to be who they thought they would be. They blame her for everything but fail to look at themselves and are too stubborn/blind to see what the truth/reality really is. It could also be early onset dementia. Please look after yourself whatever choices you make. You do not deserve this or need it for the rest of your life. It will only get worse.
What an awful situation, I wouldn’t be hanging on to him. Why would you hang around waiting while he loses weight, definitely not !
See a solicitor ASAP get paper copies of everything your solicitor will need them.
Why not ask him to leave ? Seems like he’s got one foot out of the door already. Horrible man.
Speak to your adult children quietly about your stress at home and his memory loss and temper.
It is better they understand what you are dealing with I think.
Welshmist, carry on regardless, he is not much of a catch, if he wants to move out you stay put, its half yours, lead your own life, let your new hips take you out and about. I mean this I think better on your own than with a miserable old man if he goes you will be free.
Oreo
He sure doesn’t sound irresistible weight or no weight 😁
Get your bags packed.
You think 😂 I thought he sounded like a catch 🤦🏼♀️
I think you know your marriage is over welshmist in all but name. Just the how and when to sort out now. Sorry for you.
💐
Your marriage sounds absolutely terrible.
I think that you are afraid of him .
I understand.
When he's out on one of his walks -do some research on his finances.
But be careful.
Have you got a good friend to help and advise you ?
Don't forget -you are fully entitled to half.
It is bandied about too easily, we discussed this on another thread recently, probably better to talk of "tendencies" on the whole unless it's a professional opinion.
So - don't let him pin a label on you, either
and phone that solicitor.
The term narcissist is overused. Genuine narcissistic personality disorder needs to be professionally diagnosed.
Narcissism exists in all of us to a greater or lesser degree. We can all seem self-absorbed at times and arrogant.
It doesn’t solve anything in this situation to be labelling one another.
You said yourself this could be sorted out amicably if he decides he wants out. You haven’t described a happy marriage so I’m struggling to understand why you want to hold onto him.
You can’t be so much younger than him if you have state pension, at most, nine years younger.
As others have said, see a solicitor to discuss your legal and financial rights and if you are genuinely scared of him and his mental state speak to the police. They will remove his guns.
I do know what a narcissist is my mother was one. She caused so much havoc and pain for her family.
What Hurt is him saying that I've turned into my mother. As far as I know you can't turn into a narcissist, you're born that way.
Fancy that. Don’t you believe it ‼️
Print off every financial statement and see a solicitor tomorrow.
If you are younger than him, plan to enjoy the rest of your life.
Most solicitors will offer a free initial consultation so you could get some advice. Also, you could seek relationship counselling on your own which can be very helpful to put your thoughts and feelings in order. Knowledge is power - seek professional, impartial advice.
Gwyllt
A word. Just remember a narc will accuse you of their own faults !!!! and more Depends how self aware he is
Just what I had been thinking.
But I would have thought, after 50 years of marriage, that a wife would know if her DH was a narc by now.
Poppyred - When I went through a divorce the solicitor said I wasn't legally allowed to change the locks as martial home was jointly owned.
Visgir1
"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?"... It's could all in his head.
It might just be a nice lady who has a chat with him, to be friendly.
So people get odd fixations.
Likely to be this, or gold digger!
A word. Just remember a narc will accuse you of their own faults !!!! and more Depends how self aware he is
"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?"... It's could all in his head.
It might just be a nice lady who has a chat with him, to be friendly.
So people get odd fixations.
Hope you have an ‘out of town account’!
welshmist
Silvershadow
Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.
I don't want to move. He could buy a property at twice the value tomorrow. I have good neighbours, two of my children and five grandchildren are nearby.
In that case, negotiate (or have a lawyer do it on your behalf) that you keep the bungalow and he moves elsewhere.
It sounds as if that might suit both of you. If he's been "researching" divorce then he already knows he's going to have to come to some financial agreement.
You are in an advantageous position that you handle all the money so you can work out what settlement you need to cover solo bills and lifestyle post divorce.
If it's possible he's developing dementia, your choices are, get out while he still has mental capacity to make and sign legal and financial decisions.
Or stay in a situation that is only going to get far worse.
Wow! Time now to tell your story to a matrimonial lawyer, get proper legal advice and take action to protect yourself for the future. Don’t waste any more time on him, you need to look to that future.
And, look on the bright side : you have all the details, especially all the important financial ones. It doesn’t matter how he sneers, puts you down, rants or brags - and you shouldn’t care if he’s showing ‘early signs’ of anything or you feel he should seek medical advice. Forget all that, just get advice and focus on organising a way out of your stressful and unpleasant life. You’ve worked at building a good life for both of you. There’s no reason why you should now do anything, accept things, or move anywhere that you don’t want.
At least half of the monies amassed in this long marriage is your entitlement, so go and get help and advice. Don’t let him and this latest bad behaviour wear you down.
Never give up…..it’s your time now. Good luck.
Thankyou Plevey and Fallingstar
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