Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

Absolutely. Yes it's hard alone at times but my goodness better, better, than him in your head and your life.

Have a long chat with a good family solicitor privately asap.

Know what your rights and entitlements are. Legally and financially. Talk to her if you suspect squirrelled away money.

Under the current "no blame" divorce laws either of you can initiate it.

Well done CrazyH 👏🏽👏🏽

CrazyH, good for you. You've come away with financially what you deserved and you now have your autonomy, choices and self respect after living with a philanderer. He may well get his just deserves, things can turn round and bite you on the bum 😜

Notagranny44

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?

How desperate are some women?"

He's probably delusional!

You would be really surprised how determined some women are to find a partner, whether there is a financial incentive or not.
A recently widowed friend of mine 78 has been "adopted" by a lady, despite him being very "hard to get", she is actually very nice, financially well off and would suit him well. Nevertheless he is being quite difficult

It takes all kinds

Why not consult a solicitor and change the locks when he’s out. Enoughs enough!

*kind of torment

This just sounds dreadful. Get good financial advice and a good solicitor and get out of this marriage. Life is too short to put up with this kind torment.
All the best 💐

I think it doesn’t matter what you know about the finances, because it would be your word against his in a divorce settlement, so you will still need copies to prove it. Don’t let the bungalow hold you back from divorce, the chances are that you won’t love it any more after that, and he will know where you live, in an isolated property where he can still hassle you. In my opinion it would be better to start afresh somewhere else far removed from the memories of a violent marriage, surely?

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?

How desperate are some women?"

He's probably delusional!

Could your children help you through this?

HeavenLeigh

Sounds like to me early signs of dementia mood swings memory loss on a conversation you say his memory is shocking now he has to keep checking the phone calendar and dosent remember from yesterday. He needs to go to get checked out at drs . He sounds as if he’s not very happy man. The more I read it’s a possibility

So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?

How desperate are some women?

There’s nothing worse than living with someone, who you know doesn’t love you. We lived a lie for years, for the sake of our children, for the sake of our families, for the sake of our social standing
In the end it was too much for him, more than me. He left, we divorced . He married his lover. I stayed single. Like you, I took care of the practice/ the finances and knew where every penny was. The proceedings were far from amicable, but in the end, I had a fairly good settlement. I deserved it, for putting up with a chronic philanderer.
welshmint - we were much younger than you both are. So don’t waste time. So get your act together, sort your finances and leave.

From your account of your marriage he has been abusive and aggressive throughout. He may or may not have dementia, you can only advise him to speak to his GP. Of course we sign up to try our best to care and support our partners especially when health problems come along. But he hasn't been kind or supportive to you with your health problems or throughout your marriage. You shouldn't be living in fear of him. I personally would hope to have the courage to leave him and go straight to a solicitor. Even if temporarily you have to move out of the bungalow. Keep all the financial papers to show a solicitor and seek their advice.

Visgirl 50/50 split is the starting point when a marriage breaks up, the OP could get more or less.

It does make sense to do seek legal advice now so you'll have some idea of what your position would be if the marriage ends welshmist.

Sounds like to me early signs of dementia mood swings memory loss on a conversation you say his memory is shocking now he has to keep checking the phone calendar and dosent remember from yesterday. He needs to go to get checked out at drs . He sounds as if he’s not very happy man. The more I read it’s a possibility

Silvershadow

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

I don't want to move. He could buy a property at twice the value tomorrow. I have good neighbours, two of my children and five grandchildren are nearby.

Silvershadow

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

He won't be violent he definitely doesn't want to lose his gun licence

He said last night he'd been doing extensive research apparently I'm a narcissist and have been gaslighting him. I've had the gaslighting accusations thrown at me a few times but narc. That's new.

I've protected our adult children against him time and again as well as I could. He's criticized their choice of career, wives. The wives because they're too sassy and don't know their place. God I'm so tired of blunting his unpleasantness

Either partner can divorce the other and the other partner can't refuse. You could divorce him, and save him the wait.

A no-fault divorce is a legal dissolution of marriage where the spouse filing does not need to prove that the other spouse committed any misconduct, such as adultery, abuse, or abandonment. The petitioner simply needs to demonstrate that the marriage has broken down and cannot be repaired, often referred to as irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage

yanda

My advice would be to secretly get documents of the accumulated wealth...be as devious has he his. If he does decided to divorce you this will be evidence of the assets you both hold.

I hold all the documents he's never had a bloody clue how to do a tax return

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

The bungalow is in joint names but he'll want it sold. There's 250k in the bank in joint names. 800k in a pension, the company is in a trust for our sons after his death.

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

I know exactly where the money is. His income is three times mine already. But he hasn't released his private pension to avoid tax. Or to enjoy post divorce.

Physically he's very strong so it might sound silly but I'm physically scared of him still. When he rages or threatens my heartbeat goes wild.

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.