I need some advice.
My beloved husband of 38 years passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on 16th June this year, 15 days after his 67th birthday. The children and I are reeling.
My mother is 86 and lives with undiagnosed dementia. It is mid-late stage. She no longer recognises me or our children, has no social awareness, has been banned from shops because she leaves without paying and swears and shouts when apprehended. She falls regularly, leaves saucepans to run dry. If her daily routine deviates at all, she spirals and is a danger to herself.
She is undiagnosed because she refused intervention in earlier stages. My stepfather, 80, went along with this for a while because he just wanted a quiet life (she is aggressive with him if he upsets her in any way).
He has to go into hospital shortly for emergency surgery for an aortic aneurism. He requires me to go down to Taunton, from my home in Perth, to care for her whilst he cannot.
I do not feel able to do so just now. I looked into their situation and sent him all of the information that he needs to arrange respite care.
He has told me that I am “wicked” and that he intends to leave her at home unsupervised for 3 days.
He has always insisted that because she does not have a diagnosis, there is no help available and I have taken him at his word.
Very basic research today tells me that is not the case at all. If adult social services and his hospital team are made aware that he is a caregiver for someone with undiagnosed cognitive decline, they take over. She will be assessed at home and appropriate respite care will be arranged.
I passed this information to him with names of departments and telephone numbers
He has now blocked me.
I shall write tomorrow, with the same information, telling him that if he doesn’t confirm to me by this time next week that the process is in train, I shall have no option but to call adult social services myself.
My head is all over the place.
Am I “wicked”?
