What do i do

I really like NotSpaghetti's comment:
"I have finally discovered that what she wants (usually) is NOT for me to solve them but to acknowledge her distress.
I now say, pretty straightforwardly, "do you want me to think of solutions or do you just want me to listen".
That often generates laughter and "I just want to moan".

I am going to steal this idea!! I, too, am a known problem-solver. And I need to reign that in. Thank you!

Our older grandchildren are all teenagers now but our youngest son is quite a lot younger than his 2 siblings so unsurprisingly we now have a delightful 2 year old granddaughter. Our son works with us in our small family business in our home and his partner is a nurse working 3 long (12 hour) days.
They do have a childminder but she doesn’t work every day so if working days clash he brings her here so the 3 of us try to entertain her and keep business going between us. There are other times when we’ve had her for a morning or afternoon on our own but they usually bring her here. We have now bought a car seat but we get him to fit it as it seems a struggle but we’ve not used it very much, I should add they live nearby. At the moment she spends a lot of time in the garden when she’s here but I know as winter draws in she will get bored stuck in the house.
Part of the issue is that now DH and I are in our mid 70s and I have health issues and struggle to keep up with her energy levels and worry that if I took her out on my own and she decided to do a runner I couldn’t keep up with her. I’ve also lost a lot of confidence with driving so not sure I’d feel comfortable driving her anywhere - not sure her parents would either to be honest.
Unlike Horsewrench they aren’t saying they have any issues and her maternal grandparents are much younger than us so they do a lot of picking up from childminder, taking to parks etc. Do the other grandparents help with your family Horsewrench?

Maybe she wants to give up work?
Are they relying on her income to keep their heads above water?

Maybe she just feels sad about something and needs a little moan to someone who loves her.
One of my daughters likes to vent a bit by sharing her problems. I have finally discovered that what she wants (usually) is NOT for me to solve them but to acknowledge her distress.
I now say, pretty straightforwardly, "do you want me to think of solutions or do you just want me to listen".

That often generates laughter and "I just want to moan".
I really love her. I think we are very close - but I'm known to be a "problem solver" - and not everyone wants or is able to fix the real issues.

It just could be that she's using the car seat issue instead of saying directly that she doesn't want her mother (or perhaps anyone) driving her children anywhere. Any car journey is a risk and some of us, especially as we age, are not particularly good drivers. I hated the way my father used to drive and would do anything rather than let my kids go in the car with him.

Help out if asked but don't push yourself forward, it's her life if she wants your help she will ask, if she doesnt it's her problem, not yours.

I would go with SpringsEternal's and ask her if there's anything you can do to help.

Your daughter sounds a bit like mine was. I wouldn't push the car seat thing.
My DD felt really sad that she had to leave her little boys to go to work. When she wasn't at work, she wanted to spend every moment with them. She would never allow them to stay in our house without her.
So we used to spend quite a lot of time at theirs, looking after the boys and taking over the household chores. Eventually we were allowed to drive the boys. Now they can drive me, hurrah!

don't knock yourself out, I looked after mine for 15 years and now not one of then gives a jot about me, wernt even invited to their weddings

Agree with Doodle…go and play with them at her house,then there’s no need for seats.

She could organise child care, the way so many other working parents have to?

If she actually wants you to take them in your car, why can’t she transfer the seats from her car to yours? If she doesn’t trust you to be driving them, can you mind them occasionally at her house? Does she work from home?

A fact of life for most working parents is having to pay for childcare at least some of the time. If you are retired, fit and healthy, and you think you can manage the two toddlers all day, be wary about committing to too much. Your daughter is earning and needs to take responsibility.

I'm sure the car seats will be "wrong".
Please be careful.

I presume she hasn’t got car seats that you could share while she is at work?

Could you offer to help another way..do the ironing or cleaning or washing, or even cook and deliver them a dinner once a week?? My mil did that for us ..it was such a help..she just used to drop it off 🥰

Can she afford a day or two at a Nursery or can you afford to help out this way.

Is there a partner? If so pehaps speak with them about getting car seats, they could even go with you to buy, have fitted. If no partner uou shoukd try irganise same wuth DD. Failing which just leave the situation as is with an offer of being willing to help if there is any other way you can help out.

Do you have to take them out in the car? Could you take them to a nearby park or just help her in the home? Maybe she just wants to vent and have you sympathise with her struggles. Maybe it isn't the toddlers who are the problem but the difficulties associated with working. I found that very tough especially when they were ill or childcare fell through. I agree with the people who say, "Just ask what you can do rather than making suggestions." You can only give it a try.

Perhaps you could take the toddlers out some other way - maybe walk to the nearest park with a palayground to give her a break without the anxiety of driving them. If I visit my grandchildren I sometimes take them out on the bus. They love that as they normally go everywhere by car. We only go a few stops to the park that's a bit too far to walk to but it works for me.
It sounds as if the issue is more than just about car seats but if you suggest alternative you may find that out.

You could try a more open ended question, such as "is there anything I can do?"

Could you say that you will happily take the children to give her a break, could she get the car seats and get them fitted to her satisfaction (even if you have to give her the money.)

Perhaps she is not interested in anyone "taking her toddlers"?

Since millions of children are strapped safely into these seats everyday, it seems to me that there is an issue behind her behaviour, of which the worry about child safety is merely the outward manifestation.

I think you need to try and consider what that might be and help her resolve that before worrying about car seats. What does her partner have to say on the issue? What is he doing? Is he the cause of the problem?

I would just say to your daughter, get the car seats and put them in place, I will give you whatever they cost as I want it be done correctly and that you to feel reassured they are safe. Then leave it up to her.

No, she hasn’t said NOT to, just prevaricated on the make and expressed doubt on her mothers ability to use them - IMO gaslighting, ( Doesn’t trust. anyone to use them correctly-really? There may be an anxiety issue there)
If OP tells her Halfords say these are the best there’s not a lot D can do.
Alternatively OP could have a sneaky look at what D has in her car.
But be warned OP these do not come cheap these days, perhaps D is trying to save you considerable expense without saying so,

But Maw to do as you suggest is to go against the wishes of the children's mother.

You’ve posted this on another thread.
There, I suggested you just go to Halfords and buy two seats- they will show you how they operate and then you’re all set up.