getting to the point of "no return"

Hello, Sorry for the late comment. I'm not here much. I don't need to know the what, whys and wheres. You've got a niggle and want some thoughts or experiences people may have.
Working backwards, I don't know anyone who called anything off in the last few weeks. On this I would ask myself has this been building (or on a constant simmer)? In this case, pulling the plug may be for the best. It's far harder to undo after the event. However, if the doubts are very last minute that may just be nerves. I have zero experience so those are just my thoughts.
As for "lingering doubts and then they slowly faded as the day approached" unfortunately, I do have experience. My experiences are related to lies or being mislead by missing information.
Lying is a very bad start. If they are found out rather than telling you it shows a lack of respect and maybe an indication they don't see you as equal. In this case it is probably best to put a stop to anything going further. I left this too late and spent 6 years trying to make it work - it didn't.
Being mislead by not being told may lead to difficulties if someone leaves a really crucial part of their history out until marriage is planned. Later they may turn out to be the sort of person who generally doesn't tell you things. It doesn't make life easy as there's always doubts. It can work (sort of) if the doubts can be squashed but it is likely to rankle over the years (decades) if you stick with it.
I don't believe in 100% certainty but I do think being misled or lied to are red flags that I wish I'd been wise to.

My first marriage, age 18, I was full of doubts about. I stuck it out until the kids were adult, then I walked. I married to get away from my family home - big mistake.

My second marriage, in my late 40’s, I had no doubts about. We were happy together, for many years, until he died. 😊

I don't mind answering. I had no doubts. I had my rose coloured glasses on too.

I think it's better to call of a wedding last minute than make a serious mistake and go through the pain of a difficult marriage and divorce later.

Lovely post Celieanne

I had absolutely no doubts I couldn’t wait for the day to arrive. I had a desk calendar and every morning I put a big cross on that days date and underneath I wrote how many days to go.

I just wanted to get away from my existing family, to have my own home, to be able to live my life with my new husband the way we wanted to.

I was three years older than my fiancé, he was 19 and had to have his fathers permission to marry, my biggest worry was that he would refuse to sign as he didn’t think I was a suitable wife for his son.

You only have to look at my wedding photos to see the wide smile of relief, and although we had normal ups and downs we managed to be together for 64 years until he died 3 years ago and strangely enough today is his birthday and I miss him.

Happy heavenly birthday Dave, love always 💖

If this is fishing, I’m wondering what it’s fishing for? Descriptions of ‘red flag’ behaviours from a partner doesn’t sound like something that would identify an individual, or be something that a scammer could sell?

A journalist looking for material perhaps? It could make an interesting article.

If you don't know how can anyone else, call it off as its not fare on the partner, let him find someone else that does know.

Jaxjacky

Sounds like fishing from the new OP.

✔️✔️✔️

Yes, we're all agog!

🐠

“ I know you're probably wondering why I'm asking all this but I'll come onto another time, I just wanted to get some general perspectives now.”

Perhaps would be easier if we just discuss what is wrong with your last paragraph.

Since you ask - mine was a so-called ‘love marriage’ - so was that of another friend of mine. The rest of our friendship group were all ‘arranged’ marriages. And guess what?
My afore-mentioned friend and I are divorcees now. The rest are still happily married , one or are, sadly, widowed.
Just goes to prove, that arranged marriages are not as disastrous as is generally believed .

Jaxjacky

Sounds like fishing from the new OP.

That’s why I requested my post be deleted. I must pay more attention!

dignify1980

Hi, am just wondering what some of your experiences are, given this forum mostly consists of those over 50 and would have been through marriage/s.

You told us before you were seeking information about our experiences. But you have not told us why you want yo know our experiences without sharing yours why is that?

The majority of us may well be over 50 but young people get married too!

Have you ever been married, still married, had doubts, now divorced, getting married and have doubts yourself so seeking advice- plus why age group are you?

A 2 way dialogue would be nice.

dignify1980

Hi, am just wondering what some of your experiences are, given this forum mostly consists of those over 50 and would have been through marriage/s.

Why not just use AI to write your article?

Asking for extremely personal information without giving any reason.

What were your experiences dignify? do tell us all about how you felt, we d love to know

Hi, am just wondering what some of your experiences are, given this forum mostly consists of those over 50 and would have been through marriage/s.

You want answers to your questions without explaining why you want to know?

LemonJam

As you ask Dignify1980, yes, I am wondering why all your many questions.

I look forward to 'another time' when you come back to your post thread to explain, as you promise.

Ditto

As you ask Dignify1980, yes, I am wondering why all your many questions.

I look forward to 'another time' when you come back to your post thread to explain, as you promise.

I can’t possibly remember

A rather cryptic last paragraph!

Fed up with this now.

Hi, are you new?

Sounds like fishing from the new OP.