Loss of temper

My father was like this. He would practise it regularly on my grandmother and mother. When he was left alone with me as a widower and I was his carer, one day he tried to push me out the way. I replied: You may have got away with this with your own mother and my mother but I am choosing to be your carer so if you want me to stay, then I suggest you get rid of that temper. I did not hear another peep from him for the two years after that that he lived. So, they can control it. They just don't want to.

Record him surreptitiously on your mobile phone. Have it in your pocket. When he’s calm, play it back to him - and to any family members you may trust, who may have some influence over him

Of course, do not put yourself at any risk

In the past I’ve helped run Anger Management courses for men. Amongst all the other issues, men with deep or very booming voices don’t realise how awful they sound. Not trying to excuse him. He may be shocked himself how dreadful he sounds and how that impacts on you

I'm sorry is this isn't what you want to hear, but for me, that would signal the end of my marriage. (I'm in a long marriage to a calm, and lovely man. I'd never have put up with feeling anxious or frightened.)

I consider it to be bullying when a partner is afraid of the behaviour.

I fully agree Gran22, however............
it does not give them the go ahead to treat their wives/partners in such an appalling manner. Nor should anyone excuse and accept their rantings and ravings especially when the perpetrator knows it terrifies their victims! Is that why they do it on a regular basis!! Is this all about being in charge !? I am aware that most of us ' lose it' at times , but regular angry outbursts that make others walk on eggshells and are fearful- now that is a very different matter!

I have a notion that people become accustomed to bring treated badly .

Gran22boys I could have wrote this. Finding it more difficult in retirement.

If his anger terrifies you then calmly leave the room. Have coat shoes and bag near the door and leave the house.
Go for a walk or drive for a while and text him to ask if he's calmed down.

He does need to go on an anger management course as this frightening behaviour is not good for you.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband had an explosive temper and I was afraid to bring up the subject for fear of it triggering another outburst. Irrationally I blamed myself and tried to foresee anything that might upset him. He could be kind and loving at times but after 25 years I left him and couldn't believe the relief I felt.
If you feel your husband will seek help and that he can change then it may be worth trying. My husband wouldn't accept that his behaviour was in any way wrong.

Trouble is men hardly ever accept they might be at fault let alone accept help.

You should not be terrified ! Please seek professional support.
Fortunately I have no experience of this so unable to advise. However I do understand how easy it must be to simply accept the anger - it must n
be easier than retaliation!
Gran22 I commend your acceptance but
surely thinking ' retired men can be difficult ' is letting them off the hook?
I dont think anyone has the right to terrify someone else. Sallywally you are not to blame. It must be so difficult after yeas of mariage to deal with this. Are you able to talk to him and express your fears? Would he listen and respond in a positive and appropriate manner? If the answer is 'no' then perhaps you need to
ensure you get some counselling for yourself and if possible for your husband too.
Please do not remain complacement about this, he needs help and support and you deserve peace of mind. 💐🌻

Anger management course?
If he does want to change he could really learn.

My DH is prone to exploding over what I consider to be trivial things. He comes round after a period of silence and sulking. I think it’s pathetic in a grown man. He’s not violent but I am sometimes wary of upsetting him. It does taint the relationship. Otherwise he’s fun and caring as well as extremely helpful. His dad was the same so he’ll never change. Retired men can be difficult.

SallyWally
You say that he is trying to change.
Has he watched any videos on YouTube such as this one.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYEZlDxhiCM

I’m not suggesting that this is the right one for him but it’s a start.

Please don't blame yourself. His reaction is his responsibility.

I have no constructive advice Sallywally1, but just to say it sounds a horrible situation for you at this end of your life and marriage.
Is he physically violent? Do you fear physical violence?

Maybe speak to Womens aid for practical advice. Or your GP.
Have you family to talk to? Has anyone else been party to these outbursts?
I doubt very much you cause these outbursts so don't feel to blame. You say he is trying to change can you get joinf counselling help via your GP to work towards this "change".
You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells.

If I were living with a man like your husband, I’d be very inclined to turn to him and say ‘stop being so dam silly, get over yourself’. Then vacate the room pronto so he can tantrum on his own.

I’m so sorry you have been subject to these unpleasant and frightening outbursts for so long. It doesn’t matter if they are short-lived, it’s what they are doing to you in the meantime.
It all sounds upsetting and hugely selfish on his part.

If he has always had this temperament, how have you coped throughout your years together?
If it was new or unexpected one might be thinking signs of dementia but if he has always been like this I can only guess it is perhaps reflecting the increasingly short “rope” many men seem to have as they get older.
If you are truly terrified, you need to get help or get out.
Somehow, in as calm moment the two of you need to talk,