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I cannot seem to say anything "right"

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Gmax3 Wed 16-Sept-26 15:45:47

My DD is a new mom, 2 months. She is married and lives far enough away that quick visits are not an option.
During DD pregnancy, we talked frequently. Often 1 to 2 hours at a time.
Prior to this, we would spend time whenever possible. Our relationship was good.
Since DGC was born, DD has taken issue with almost everything out of my mouth.
I cannot seem to say anything "right."
DD has always had mental health issues (anxiety is still present; depression is at bay).
We still can have nice conversations for a portion of our calls, but invariably, she will tell me I've said something that "makes her" feel bad...or silly...etc.
I'm walking on eggshells. And all I really want to do is uplift DD.

My thought is this: Maybe I just need to say nothing during phone calls. Just sit and listen, and "ooo" and "ahh" and "Mmm Hmm" in reply to all that DD says.

Honestly, I'm tired of being the villain in DD's story.

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fancythat Wed 16-Sept-26 15:50:47

I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately, what you write is quite normal, for a new mum of only 2 months.

I think you may need to continue with oohs and ahhs for a few months more yet.

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Purplepixie Wed 16-Sept-26 15:59:58

I have a degree in oos and ahs. My dil was just the same. I put a caring smile in my voice but I actually wanted to cry and scream at times. Maybe she has post natel depression along with her anxiety. It’s really scary and daunting having a baby. Let her know that you love and care about her and if she needs help then you are there mentally and physically (if you can). But never criticise or have an opinion. X

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Fallingstar Wed 16-Sept-26 16:00:13

I agree with fancythat.
In the early stages a new mum can feel lacking in confidence and prickly, especially with her mum who though meaning well with good advice could be seen as critisizing.
Listen and give praise for her efforts as a new parent. Biting your lip will become second nature.

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Shelflife Wed 16-Sept-26 16:20:52

Could be post natal depression , this has happened since she gave birth so I think it is strong possibility. Your DD may be unaware of what is happening other than she feels irritable and stressed. Your DD has always had mental health issues so my instinct is she needs help ASAP !
Would you be able to have a private word with her spouse ? They may be well aware of your DDs anxiety and be relieved to know you have noticed it. A delicate conversation to have , I recognise that but if that is possible and is done discreetly her spouse may be in a stronger position to help her. Good luck.

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fancythat Wed 16-Sept-26 16:31:37

She could even have PTSD after birth.
This is becoming more common.

Though you dont mention a difficult birth.

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Gmax3 Wed 16-Sept-26 16:46:56

Thank you all :-)
Fancythat and Purplepixie -- I will continue with the ooo's and ahhs...and I will try harder to never have an opinion. The latter goes against everything I am or stand for. But I hope you're right -- that it's "normal" and hopefully it will pass. DD's anxiety will likely never go away, and so I just need to figure out how to not add to her anxiety.

Thank you again to all who replied <3

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aggie Wed 16-Sept-26 17:10:08

My daughter is 50+ and I can’t have an opinion ! My correct place is in the wrong !

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crazyH Wed 16-Sept-26 17:20:17

Same as aggie - daughter similar age 😫

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