I am the youngest of 5 siblings, all of us girls.
It’s well known in the family that my Dad wanted a son, after 5 girls my mother said no more so I was his last chance of having a boy…it’s coloured my life.
Growing up my father had no interest in me, but fortunately my mother made up for it.
As an adult I would ring home once a week if Dad answered he’d say ‘hello, I’ll get your Mum’ that has always been the extent of our relationship. Even though he seemed much more interested in my older sisters
Tbh, I was okay with that. Things changed when mum died a few years ago, I had to make more effort as he was on his own.
But I find it so hard to talk to him and never enjoy visiting.
I live much further away, 400 miles, than my sisters, who live relatively close, so use it as an excuse not to visit often but my sisters make me feel so guilty that I don’t visit more often and I feel judged by them.
When I do ring I make an effort to ask as much as I can think of to ask. How are you? What are you up to? Ask after family friends etc…he never, ever, ever asks how I am, or my OH or the kids. I get short answers like ‘oh I’m fine’ ‘yes, ok’ and I end up coming off the phone after a few minutes.
I know my sisters get a lot more out of him because they tell me.
I come off the phone feeling utterly depressed and wondering where I went wrong. There’s no animosity but then again, there’s no nothing.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this here, probably just to get it off my chest but thanks for listening
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