Angry Husband

Gosh! I’m not sure I’d have lasted 40 years.

That sounds a miserable way to exist in your own home. He sounds like an insufferable oaf. Unless his bad behaviour has only recently become apparent after 40 years of marriage? If so, is it possible he’s ill?

If you’ve tolerated it for 40 years and are still holding back rather than upset him then I’m not sure you have many options at this stage.

Has he just suddenly got much worse? Presumably, this has not come out of nowhere, he must have always had leanings towards racist misogyny.

You have been with him for over 40 years, you have built a life together so it will take some planning and organisation for you to either work out some way of coping with his outbursts or for you to part from him.

I have a brother who is the same so I keep contact to a minimum. Even so, I find even occasional telephone chats with my brother draining so I can imagine how wearing daily doses of your husband's obnoxious opinions must be.

Whatever you decide (I would favour splitting up) you are going to have to bite the bullet and confront him. I am sure it won't be easy. I wish you all the best.

He should not be allowed to continue to make your life a misery.

I assume he's devastatingly handsome and fit to be making such horrible comments about others?

I would not have lasted 40 years either. I can only advise what I would do now. As soon as he flies if the handle as you put it. I would shout over him. I would make it cleat I do not want to hear his disgusting views. If he continues I would tell him each time he is talking to himself
Every time you suggest something to do, if he shouts tell him you are not prepared to put up with him and he needs to speak respectfully.
If you cannot leave for whatever reason put in boundaries tell him to stop and you will not listen to his racist misogynistic language. I am sorry to say this but ge sounds a pig of a man.

This is exactly the kind of person who gives divorce a good name.

Kate1949

I assume he's devastatingly handsome and fit to be making such horrible comments about others?

Well said Kate1949

Kate1949

I assume he's devastatingly handsome and fit to be making such horrible comments about others?

Yes.

It could be the first stages of dementia, although social media can be nasty. I've seen horrible comments even on a local FB page.

Kate1949

I assume he's devastatingly handsome and fit to be making such horrible comments about others?

Good point!

I agree with Allira. It definitely could be early stages of dementia. I have seen it myself in people who were later diagnosed.

As the OP is only worried about this behaviour after 40 years it must be fairly recent and could point to her DH having dementia.
My very gentle friend who was always well dressed was abusive and slovenly as she became more and more ill with dementia.