Share your adult social care experiences with CQC - £300 voucher to be won! NOW CLOSED

We had a tough time finding somewhere suitable for our gran. She hated the first two places - didn't like the look and feel, the atmosphere and didn't get on with the other residents or the carers. Third time lucky for us. Reports, reviews and scores would maybe have steered us in the right direction quicker.

You hear a lot of scare stories, home care and residential care, so getting a mark of quality you can trust is a positive thing.

This thread is so apt for me at the moment, as my mother has gone into rapid decline, both physically and mentally. She has made serious allegations against my father, including poisoning and strangulation, and calling the emergency services at all times of the day and night, and causing her to now have a whole raft of authorities involved too. Just after Christmas, she had a fall, resulting in a compound fracture. She has been in hospital since, and we thought we were going to lose her, as the hospital had said amputation of her leg may be the only option, as they were looking to save her rather than the foot. She amazed us all and has survived having her leg pinned and bolted instead, fighting off infection after infection. She's obviously a tough old boot!
We now find ourselves in the position that she is technically bed blocking, as she cannot go home (for her sake, my fathers sake, and all our sakes) but at every turn the authorities, social workers, practitioners and the like talk about sending her home. There is not a care package in the world that anyone could put in place to see her carry on living in her own home, despite the numerous adaptations that have been carried out like stairlift, panic alarm and suitable bathroom. We have extremely fortunate to have found a home close to all the family, that comes with excellent recommendations (my SIL has an uncle that lives there too) but this means it also comes with a waiting list! We are also beside ourselves as to how it will be paid for and funded. We have a meeting next week with social services, who we know will want to send her home with an inadequate care package, but we are determined to stand our ground. There are so many stories in the press about selling of homes, spending of savings and local authorities not providing adequate provisions that we regularly lose sleep over this whole situation. The legal stance seems different from every persons perspective I talk to.
Any advice gratefully received, as we find this to be an utter minefield! This is definitely a thread I will bookmark to keep an eye on!

We had to use a care home for an elderly relative after a spell in hospital after a stroke. It was one of the better ones but she was still very unhappy, there is such a loss of autonomy from the simple but important things like having a cup of tea when you want it and the way you want to what and when you eat. She also hated the lack of real privacy. I truly don't know the answer. I think we need to make a proper carers qualification which involves a few years at college and extensive training so that it becomes a proper career with a decent pay. I also think we may have to go down the American route with retirement villages and maybe more house built with an annexe. I would like to see a specific tax that we all contribute to throughout our working life to ensure high quality free or subsidised care for all.

Such a highly emotive subject and can be truly daunting when the time comes. As a foster carer and a qualified care manager I have one piece of advise that I really think is crucial and quite simply that is to talk openly a LONG TIME BEFORE any care is needed......All to often we put off discussing wishes, thoughts and plans for the future and it can be a difficult subject to broach but it gets harder when with time so is probably best discussed periodically so that everyone is aware of everyones wishes and can work towards a plan in the back of their grey matter.....None of us really know what is round the corner and we all have our 'ideas of what we would do should the need arise' but reality can be very different. At least discussed a long time before needed it can be re-visited nearer the time as situations change.

From experience, I can say that when you're rushed off your feet, the person who has a visitor due is going to take preference over somebody with no one, as harsh as that is.

My father was in a care home for the last few months of his life.It was a good one and he was happy there but my mother visited every day.
Im wondering if the experience would have been the same if he would have had no immediate family visiting him.

Great care for my late Mum both through social services and in a private care home - so grateful to all involved!

I haven't had a direct experience as yet but I have a few friends that have been dealing with this and it has turned out to be a grim drama. I feel very sorry for my friends and the relation that are "under care". Terrible experiences. Not only one but more than one.

We had excellent care in Lincolnshire for my grandmother. Caring, hard working, sensitive staff who went over and above in her final days

My husbands 90 year old mum has recently had to leave her beloved home of over 30 years after her limited eyesight and reducing mobility led to several nasty falls and periods spent recovering in hospital.

It was not an easy decision for either her or us but knowing that she is now in a caring enviroment with staff who are always smiling and pleasant, good food and surrounded by company she at least now feels safe and well looked after.

The care home she is in was the first we visited, but it had a warm welcoming feel, no unpleasant smells lingering and a bright and sunny aspect - we immediatly went with our gut feelings and are very pleased with the choice we made.

Although the care home could never replace the home she left mum is coming to terms with the benefits this has brought with it - most of all the peace of mind that if she does has another fall or needs help in any way she will not be on her own and left to cope by herself.

Always read the CQC report and check up with the home if recommendations have been made as to what action is being taken.
Talk to other residents and visitors.
Ask for your loved one to go for a couple of hours visit have tea/coffee and see how they feel about the place afterwards.
Go by your gut instinct to a certain degree, if you don’t feel good then cross it off your list.

We refused to put our Dad into a care home as we just didn't want to, so kept him at home and between the family, done everything needed until he passed away 4 years ago this week. To be honest, the discussion around the hospital table with the care team, seemed to focus on putting him into a home, and telling us we would not cope!! Carers did come in, they were great, but still glad we stuck to our guns.

The 2 SS carers who we have for 6 weeks free of charge are here as I type, giving my H a shower and helping him to dress. They are lovely.
I dread the time when we need more care. I shall endeavour to keep him at home with help in the home for as long as I can, these tales are filling me with foreboding.

I had a terrible experience with carers through an agency, they used to fail to turn up which was awful as I was unable to even get into my kitchen to get myself a drink of water as my walking frame wouldn't fit through the gap & I was unable to dress or bathe myself so was left until lunchtime sometimes. One of the carers was renting a house across the road from me at the time & she used to come across in the morning still in her pyjamas & dressing gown which I thought was disgusting & then she stole from me & did a moonlight flit & I found out that she'd stolen from other people she'd been caring for too so after that I wouldn't use a care agency again. Luckily one of my friends had given up work & was going to college so she moved into my spare room to care for me until she got married & then a friend of mine recommended her daughter in law's ex mother in law & she has now been coming to me for about 5 years & is an absolute gem but I would never use an agency again as the system obviously doesn't work as they can't possibly have done any checks on the woman who stole from me as I found out that her husband had just been released from prison for armed robbery

My grandad is in a very expensive care home and gets excellent treatment. My late gran was not so lucky. It is very difficult and very costly. Luckily it is not me that had to make the decisions. The remaining family including me thinks that we would prefer a suicide pill when the time comes rather than go into a home. Sadly that is not an option! Grandad is 102 and is a shell of the man that he was. He is not my Grandad, he is just a body that is still being kept alive. I can't agree that this situation benefits anyone and just because it is possible to keep someone alive doesn't make it right. Sorry none of that was very constructive to the discussion!

This terrifies me as we are having to start think about this right now. My own parents died while still living in their own home but my MIL is at the stage where we are working out how to broach the fact that she is struggling. We are more than willing to care for her as we work from home but do not have room downstairs to accommodate her and our stairs are very narrow to take a stair lift. However she is used to being independent, has lived alone for years and would hate being compromised by living in someone else's home. Our only experience of care homes are of the type where a person is unable to live an independent life, which wouldn't work for MIL at all as she is mentally very active and wants to do her own thing.

We have had up until now good experiences with my grandmother, but i am aware that this is not the case nationally, I think better policies need to be put in place to protect the vulnerable it really is scary , especially as this may well be ourselves in the future....

When we were looking for a care home for mum my social worker friend gave good advice. Dont always be swayed by fancy furniture and fruit bowls. It is true, we were looking at big homes with hairdressers and cinema but my my had dementia and would have got lost in a big place like that. We found a small family care home which was comfortable but prioritised care and the staff sitting with the residents and spending time with them, not having your hair and nails done. It was a lovely place and perfect for her. Small and intimate is definitelybetter for someone suffering with dementia who may wander round

i work in a care home and can see how underpaid and overworked we are. however, the quality of care in my particular home is fantastic and it runs dependent on the good will of staff who work horrendous hours in a completely exhausting job

LyndaB59 Nothing surprises me -- I reported one home to the CSCI (as CQC was called then) and the police.

I worked in care homes for over twenty years -- my sister still does. In my opinion nothing really changes in these places -- you have this report -- that report, etc, etc -- why ?
CARE isn't rocket-science -- keep people clean, warm, well-fed, loved and stimulated -- in other words -- treat people as you would wish to be treated -- care for each individual as you would care for your own parents or children. Inspect homes UNANNOUNCED and more regularly -- unfortunately many homes are run for profit businesses -- and as such PROFIT will always be put above all else -- including client care. Raise the qualifications needed to become a carer, alongside the wages, whilst homes are allowed to employ lowly qualified staff on lowly rates of pay,they will get exactly what they pay for -- inexperienced carers at best, at worst people who really do not want to do the job.Society needs to value older people more.

I worked as a Care Assistant for 22 years, until recently, when I found a better type of work (with double the wage!).

I worked in a home where I saw the appalling neglect and lack of respect or care for the residents (I stayed for ONE shift and didn't go back). There was an inspection by CQC due the following day, and the manager of the home was very concerned that all the bedding should be clean and ironed (the ONE iron had 1/2in thick black burnt stuff on the sole)
During my whole 6 hours there, I saw carers who didn't care! Residents left on toilets, unattended, door open. A lady who'd wet herself, the carer tried to undress her in the hallway! 3 carers grappled with her. The home was shut down eventually - due to relatives ringing the Adult Care Social Services(I did too). There were a number of cases of abuse found, including sexual, yet the CQC had actually found their visit to be ok!

Having to try and get some home care in place for my father in the later stages of MND was possibly one of the hardest things we had to do. We seemed to go around in circles with different teams before anyone would agree to do anything.

You need to think in advance if possible and do lots of research - internet, local authorities etc but then visit the homes yourself - listen to what they say but look and observe - does what you observe match what is said

Before an elderly family member of mine died our family began looking into the availability of care homes in and around our home town, and to be honest it was pretty disheartening. The staff and carers were warm and kind, but it was clear that as my family member would be unable to put any money towards their own care they type of home they would be able to access would be very limited, and not what you would hope for a family member's last days. It just seems as though there is nowhere near enough government funding.